First of June

So today is the first day of june and I hope this is gonna be a whole lot better month than the previous one. Hey..what is this ah? One month good..one month not good. Tsk, as if my life is not complicated enough. Anyway, I actually planned to write this blog yesterday but I got distracted halfway. Uhm, was watching brokeback mountain again from the start instead of replaying certain scenes..hehe. Now, in case u think that Im a sick bitch seeing two guys in love with each other, Im not that. And yes, I am 'straight' and that guys..like aren't they God Sent or something? I've never seen a movie where the love is so pure..and that it doesn't appear like every 5 seconds or something. I mean too much affection can be so blah..anyway. It's great communication baby..and the long period of absence that make two people just yearning for each other.


So, before I am gonna do the whole gawd damn paragraph about brokeback, actually, today isn't actually a good start of a day either. I started the morning sending my brother to the bus stop as he had remedial class a 7.30am. Gawd, so freakin early. If you ask me to go to a class that early, I'm like..'ah fark it..' But the totally 'I-hate-doing-this' thing gotta be waiting for a cab in the morning! Like what the hell....I thought there are like an abundance of cabs out there and I actually took pity on the taxi drivers especially if there is a long line of them but no passengers around. But now...I don't know if I should be pitying them or cursing them. Man! Everytime mz wait at least half an hour before a cab would actually come my way and stop. It's either 'hired' or 'on call' or there is NO ONE in the cab and they refuse to stop. Eurgh!!! And the MOST ultimate thing that got me so freakin' boiling mad when the taxi driver actually bypassed me slowly when I hailed it down to go the couple of women behind me. GOd DAMn!!! What the FARK!!! I hate to drop judgments like this but if he chooses skin colour as the basis of finding his passengers, good luck in finding income! I waited for more than half an hour and the women waited for like ten..and THEY GOT THE CAB FIRST!! Is this a cruel joke or what? Man, I was THIS close to calling up the call centre to report about this incident. I actually pitied my father who has been rather weak these past week ever since he stopped working for awhile. He had been standing there for long even though he didn't show that he was weak or what at that time. We were also late for his appt with the Tan Tock Seng Hospital regarding his eyes. But curse that taxi driver! Okay, I already scolded a bucket load of swear words already to him and also curse that he'll meet with an accident on the way to sending the women. Look, if you were me, you would be doing the same thing.



Right..enough about taxi drivers. I can't say much about them. I am not angry with them overall but whatever it is, don't be choosy. My father has been a taxi driver before and I know it isn't easy earning money. I know that there are certain times of the day or week that they can earn more but don't cheat us passengers. We are also trying to make a living here and if i'm given the chance, I will definitely NOT take cabs coz of their unfixed additional chargest at times. But coz of my father's condition, I have no other choice. So sad, that if they think they want to earn quick bucks like that such as only turning up out of nowhere when we book them after waiting for so long. They may jump for joy when they earn the booking fee from us. But like I said. Don't cheat us out of our money. I am not saying that they shouldn't earn booking fee. But tsk...don't like hide in a corner waiting for a nearby booking order to come on and drive their way there to a taxi queue for example, where people have been waiting for a gawd damn long time. Pain you know, standing for such freaking long time...esp if im wearing heels...haiz. Just be honest. Dont cheat.


Anyway, u see! Im digressing right now. I want to write about positive things not stuffs that make me so freakin' mad. But come to think of it, what's a blog if you don't express yourself out. Just that it'd be nice to write something totally positive since the previous few entries don't really sound good. I haven't come out of the situation completely and I don't know for how long will it last. But eversince that, I have been trying my best to control it and be really patient about it. I hope my father will recover quickly and be strong enough to start earning money. Im not trying to make him some robot or what but I am also thinking in terms of my family. For now, I have relaxed a bit compared to the very tension days I had prior to yesterday. Somehow rather, I have to learn to accept facts and adjust my lifestyle here and there..or control whatever I can. If I cant, then don't fret on it. We have one life only..might as well not spend a chunk of it worrying away. I am sure that every family has its own set of problems, and some even more serious than this.


Oh yeah, one of my concerns that got me so upset was seeing my dad getting worser and worser for every clinic visit he made to the eye centre. The doctor kept saying that his diabetes did affect his vision especially when in three long years, he didn't take medicine at all. But he was doing fairly alright already except for that glitch in his eyes which was diminishing away when he went through a few laser surgery. He even could go down to the clinic himself and even took a bus followed by an mrt. Before that he could even wait for a taxi. Then he could even go to work. Now, ever since that faithful day when he missed his laser surgery due to me not taking my leave that day as I forgot, it just got worse and worse till now. He needs to be guided and he seems weaker and sleeps all day except in the morning. I want my old dad back..I don't need him to be suddenly youthful. Just the times when he was okay before that faithful day in march. Or at least when he took a trip down Little India himself taking the nel mrt line on his own a few days after his surgery on the left eye. Now, a week later his left eye is rather cloudy coz the doctor said there is a slight blood clot due to the diabetes which haven't completely gone away. The good news is, it will clear up but may take up to a month before the vision improves. This Saturday he will be going through another operation on his right eye, which is in a worse state than his left eye. The doctor will try his best to operate although it may not be 100% successful since it's in quite a bad shape already. But I just agree to the surgery as for me, my concern is not to get it completely 100% okay either. At least give him some sight. Even the older people in the clinic are pretty independent and can still see and walk around although they are visiting the same eye clinic as us. Like he is not even in his 60's yet but poor him, it is like he is already. Please God, I just hope his condition will improve.


I told my colleague that I try to put up with my job as much as I can and not to complain and fret about it. I mean, at this point of time, I can only be thankful that I have a job to pay the bills at least. I mean who likes big scale changes anyway. But every job is sure to have changes and it's a matter of adjusting or to move on. I choose to adjust coz I can't think of my own selfishness. I need to see the bigger picture, which is my family. It's not that I will work in this job forever but if there is a better opportunity, why not. But I may have to start from a lower pay stage if they go according to education level pay range for a govt agency or statutory board post. At this point of time, I can't take that risk yet. Not wih my family needing me right now for support. Sure, jobs in the private companies can give me more money too as they're independent of the govt and not under some price control plan or something. But just as they are willing to pay much more, they are willing to drop you just like that too or pay u lesser due to various reasons. They make the rules and they can break the rules too. And you have to play by their rules. This is basically the benchmark for any company too be it the govt or private agencies.


My father's admission today has been successful. I managed to ask my way out of work to send my father for admission even though it was nerve wrecking thinking about how my supervisor was going to react at a last minute as well as risk taking decision like this. Like I told my mum, this hospital thinks that I own this company..as and when I can walk out and run errands then come back. I know my colleagues have been telling me that I jz need to tell her and of course she'll understand as this being a dire situation. But, rules are rules and I know she's really playing by the book. She's putting herself at risk too if she lets me claim time off even though I have yet to perform the Saturday duty. Don't worry. I don't make or break promises easily. If she's kind enough to let me off like this, I will definitely turn up as I have always been doing that. It's a way for me to repay her trust.


I suddenly remembered I have stuffs to do but I spent two hours watching videos and also watching the live performances of Gorillaz in New York. Although the performances were creatively done with featured singers as well as children's choir and another choir group...oh, and also a chinese lady playing a zither, I was a bit disappointed that Damon Albarn, the lead singer, showed his face. At first, I thought it was a cool concept that he is finally on stage singing and not behind the scenes doing the vocals. It was even cooler when he was initially in the background and then the background colour changes while still shadowing him in the back by the piano and his mike. But towards the end, he actually got up and reacted with the audience while walking around as the lady was playing her zither. I mean, it kinda takes away the animation element and also the mysterious element of the band which actually make it all the more unique and standoff-ish from other bands. I know people already know that he is the lead singer and which group he came from previously..blah blah blah..but I just feel that he and the other co creator should be faithful to their initial unique concept of using animation. I don't know if it has anything to do with their grammy winning single which gave them worldwide recognition. It's like they're so famous now, might as well ditch the original concept and bask in the arms of the masses. Still, I liked his performance and the choir's performance for the Demon Days single. And I also like the performance of the children who were so very energetic while singing to the anthem of Dirty Harry. It's basically about children in war and how they should just be happy children doing their own things. It's sad that some war torn countries, young children are already trained to use a gun or any firing weapons like a rifle. Kids with Guns is one of the songs in the album about these children.


Well, let's hope things will take better turn and Im hoping for the benefit of everyone. Live a more meaningful life before it's too late.

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