Confidence=Attention?
Okay, from today onwards, I am going to be more serious towards my blog. I know I haven't been writing with much seriousness, although writing passionately about Lt Horatio Caine in CSI:MIAMI undoubtfully IS serious stuff, I guess i should give more thoughts. I mean I still won't stray away from writing with both my heart and soul on things that affect me like my father's medical condition, our family's financial problems..that sort of stuffs..coz they are real and avoiding these issues is like refusing to do anything about it. And I do want to make a compilation of my writings and these writings are evidence of my eyes, my ears and my heart about life's ups and downs. Sorta like a mini biography except that I am not paying anyone to write the book for me. Okay so I don't have a life of envy or a life people would avoid like the plague...but this is my life and whether or not I like it, it is here to stay. And while it is here, might as well make use of it.
Kinda surprised i received a comment for my blog through my email and what striked me the most was the opening title of the comments. it was rather long and written by an anonymous blogger which i doubt the name given was even hers. Why I was surprised? Okay, first of all, it is a well known fact tat I don't quite make an effort to let people know I write a blog. Second of all, I thought that her comments didn't seem to fit in the few entries of journal I had written so far in regards to csi:miami or even about my dad. The person asked me to stop looking at fashion magazines and I should start loving myself as a human being. I shouldn't feel so guilty about how I looked if somehow rather, i am not satisfied with it. I was also thinking I don't remember looking up David Caruso in any fashion magazine either...and what the hell he was in there too. Okay so I did a double take. It was actually directed at a past entry I did in february after the last gathering with my friends and I felt rather down coz I thought I didn't make any progress in terms of my physical size compared to my other friends. Also, it was quite a blow to me as I did lose 10kg that time and you know how it's like to even lose 1 or 2kg, it was tough enough already. Still, I didn't feel that confident...ah yes....the issue of 'confidence'. At times, I felt like shooting myself in the head whenever I had the urge to compare myself to people. However, nowadays I only admired how some girls looked good in the kind of gettup that I would at times wear with their shapely legs. Meanwhile, I'd looked like uhm...someone WAY too out of shape..but it doesn't bother me that much nowadays as much as it used to affect me quite badly which resulted in such a depressing entry. I would tell myself...that right now, important thing is..I must look good in my own terms not according to the standards already set by other people. Besides, I am losing weight..not gaining them...so that's a plus point. It means I have not lost my focus on achieving my target weight loss. I am progressing..not digressing..and if I think other girls look good...well....they deserve the praise coz rahayu seldom praise people..hahahahaa...but no, not because they look darn better than me. That's rubbish.
So I would say to other girls who are in the same spot like me.....who keep pulling themselves down coz of how 'different' they look, don't do that. Love thyself..if I got my shakespeare right..heh...but, in layman's term, improve on your well being, eat healthier food choices and try to squeeze in time for exercise at least twice a week and at least for twenty minutes. Yeah I know....you've probably heard this a gazillion times and if someone was to say the same thing to me, I'd risk vomitting even though I am not sick. But sometimes, they're quite the money saver and you don't have to spend so much money on those slimming programmes who probably have to recuperate their losses after spending so much on celebrity endorsements. Look, if someone like me who have gained tremendous weight over the course of more than ten years, and then to lose it all back AND more, I don't see why you can't. Sometimes, the logic is that if you want it, you have got to earn it yourself. And that's where the mind gets to be a powerful thing. It filters out all the negativity and tries to psycho you into making the right decisions. Of course if it was easy in the first place, I would have started losing weight yonks ago and be successful at it. Some things take time to practise and that lots of sacrifices need to be made too. But once you start seeing the results, every piece will start falling into place. Believe me.
And over the issue of guys. Somehow, I don't see why people like to link aiming to lose weight to aiming to win over some guys. I mean please......people want to lose weight over a hundred reasons; not necessarily guys. For me, if whenever I mentioned anything about having a lack of confidence, often I don't associate it as the reason for not having a boyfriend. It's utter rubbish. We should look good for ourselves..not for the cute guy next door..although it wouldn't hurt to make his head turn. STILL!! My point is..don't always think that if a girl says she is not happy about her looks or her body or anything, it means that she is thinking of her unlikeliness to have a handsome boyfriend, hopefully marry him one day and bear children with his good looks genes. SUCH an understatement. Sorry to offend whoever you are dear anonymous commentator but I kinda disagree with you regarding the part where one day, guys may flock to us unexpectedly even though we are dissatisfied about the way we look in one way or another. I mean nothing wrong to say that especially if a girl keeps putting the blame on herself if no guy seems attracted to her or she just got rejected by a guy who thinks she is not good enough for him. Well f**k such guys..they're f**king shallow who think girls should kiss their feet first with her luscious sexy lips. But I jz feel that we should not measure ourselves based on how many guys throw secret glances at us or give those dreaded wolf whistles. It's just dumb.
Okay, I wouldn't deny that hey, if the guy is farking cute and HE notices me, of course I would even be higher than cloud 9...like maybe the 69th cloud or something. Like the other time when a cute guy, and I suspected friendly too as he was talking and smiling at the same time to the cashier (aha! a multi-tasker!) and then suddenly he noticed me at the other line as I was turning to talk to my brother behind me. When I turned back it was my turn to notice that he kinda stopped talking halfway and then kinda looked at me and as if wanted to smile or something. GAWD...he is SO cute and he had this bit of eurasian look....but I was so shy. For me, I was rather impressed that he didnt' mind carrying the one or two bags of groceries unlike some other guys who wouldn't be caught dead carrying a bag that doesnt contain some sports gear or I.T. gizmo like a laptop.
But, I am not in the mood to be in any guy's good book..or..heh...his 'to-get-the-phone-number-of-whoever-she-is' girl. I guess you can STILL say I have yet to grasp the fact that I am starting to garner a bit of attention a bit here and there. Life's rather complicated for me at this moment, and so I'd rather stray away from 'getting to know handsome strangers' mode. Still, I don't rule out the game of friendship rather than relationship as it wouldn't hurt to add one more friend to my books. At this moment, you can say I am pretty much like Jason Mraz who enjoys watching the world moves without being tied down to anyone. Being single is cool...as long as he says so..hehe.
Okay, so with this I would say my thanks to that commentator for giving such a sound comment and you can have my assurance tat I won't let my confidence level be affected by the way I look. I wouldn't say that confidence comes naturally to me either..whether or not I see myself as fat, but something of which not all have it like they're born with it already. what's more important is that you are true to yourself because after all, at the end of the day, we're just human prone to making mistakes...but most importantly, learning from our mistakes. For me, I must learn to try accepting myself for who I am and not to look down on myself whenever I caught some cute guy's attention (hopefully again!). I mean why must it always end up with a relationship and to me, just to be friends with a cute guy is like meeting Jonathan Rhys Meyers in real life. That means....Im still somewhere up there on a cloud what ever its number may be!!!!!
Kinda surprised i received a comment for my blog through my email and what striked me the most was the opening title of the comments. it was rather long and written by an anonymous blogger which i doubt the name given was even hers. Why I was surprised? Okay, first of all, it is a well known fact tat I don't quite make an effort to let people know I write a blog. Second of all, I thought that her comments didn't seem to fit in the few entries of journal I had written so far in regards to csi:miami or even about my dad. The person asked me to stop looking at fashion magazines and I should start loving myself as a human being. I shouldn't feel so guilty about how I looked if somehow rather, i am not satisfied with it. I was also thinking I don't remember looking up David Caruso in any fashion magazine either...and what the hell he was in there too. Okay so I did a double take. It was actually directed at a past entry I did in february after the last gathering with my friends and I felt rather down coz I thought I didn't make any progress in terms of my physical size compared to my other friends. Also, it was quite a blow to me as I did lose 10kg that time and you know how it's like to even lose 1 or 2kg, it was tough enough already. Still, I didn't feel that confident...ah yes....the issue of 'confidence'. At times, I felt like shooting myself in the head whenever I had the urge to compare myself to people. However, nowadays I only admired how some girls looked good in the kind of gettup that I would at times wear with their shapely legs. Meanwhile, I'd looked like uhm...someone WAY too out of shape..but it doesn't bother me that much nowadays as much as it used to affect me quite badly which resulted in such a depressing entry. I would tell myself...that right now, important thing is..I must look good in my own terms not according to the standards already set by other people. Besides, I am losing weight..not gaining them...so that's a plus point. It means I have not lost my focus on achieving my target weight loss. I am progressing..not digressing..and if I think other girls look good...well....they deserve the praise coz rahayu seldom praise people..hahahahaa...but no, not because they look darn better than me. That's rubbish.
So I would say to other girls who are in the same spot like me.....who keep pulling themselves down coz of how 'different' they look, don't do that. Love thyself..if I got my shakespeare right..heh...but, in layman's term, improve on your well being, eat healthier food choices and try to squeeze in time for exercise at least twice a week and at least for twenty minutes. Yeah I know....you've probably heard this a gazillion times and if someone was to say the same thing to me, I'd risk vomitting even though I am not sick. But sometimes, they're quite the money saver and you don't have to spend so much money on those slimming programmes who probably have to recuperate their losses after spending so much on celebrity endorsements. Look, if someone like me who have gained tremendous weight over the course of more than ten years, and then to lose it all back AND more, I don't see why you can't. Sometimes, the logic is that if you want it, you have got to earn it yourself. And that's where the mind gets to be a powerful thing. It filters out all the negativity and tries to psycho you into making the right decisions. Of course if it was easy in the first place, I would have started losing weight yonks ago and be successful at it. Some things take time to practise and that lots of sacrifices need to be made too. But once you start seeing the results, every piece will start falling into place. Believe me.
And over the issue of guys. Somehow, I don't see why people like to link aiming to lose weight to aiming to win over some guys. I mean please......people want to lose weight over a hundred reasons; not necessarily guys. For me, if whenever I mentioned anything about having a lack of confidence, often I don't associate it as the reason for not having a boyfriend. It's utter rubbish. We should look good for ourselves..not for the cute guy next door..although it wouldn't hurt to make his head turn. STILL!! My point is..don't always think that if a girl says she is not happy about her looks or her body or anything, it means that she is thinking of her unlikeliness to have a handsome boyfriend, hopefully marry him one day and bear children with his good looks genes. SUCH an understatement. Sorry to offend whoever you are dear anonymous commentator but I kinda disagree with you regarding the part where one day, guys may flock to us unexpectedly even though we are dissatisfied about the way we look in one way or another. I mean nothing wrong to say that especially if a girl keeps putting the blame on herself if no guy seems attracted to her or she just got rejected by a guy who thinks she is not good enough for him. Well f**k such guys..they're f**king shallow who think girls should kiss their feet first with her luscious sexy lips. But I jz feel that we should not measure ourselves based on how many guys throw secret glances at us or give those dreaded wolf whistles. It's just dumb.
Okay, I wouldn't deny that hey, if the guy is farking cute and HE notices me, of course I would even be higher than cloud 9...like maybe the 69th cloud or something. Like the other time when a cute guy, and I suspected friendly too as he was talking and smiling at the same time to the cashier (aha! a multi-tasker!) and then suddenly he noticed me at the other line as I was turning to talk to my brother behind me. When I turned back it was my turn to notice that he kinda stopped talking halfway and then kinda looked at me and as if wanted to smile or something. GAWD...he is SO cute and he had this bit of eurasian look....but I was so shy. For me, I was rather impressed that he didnt' mind carrying the one or two bags of groceries unlike some other guys who wouldn't be caught dead carrying a bag that doesnt contain some sports gear or I.T. gizmo like a laptop.
But, I am not in the mood to be in any guy's good book..or..heh...his 'to-get-the-phone-number-of-whoever-she-is' girl. I guess you can STILL say I have yet to grasp the fact that I am starting to garner a bit of attention a bit here and there. Life's rather complicated for me at this moment, and so I'd rather stray away from 'getting to know handsome strangers' mode. Still, I don't rule out the game of friendship rather than relationship as it wouldn't hurt to add one more friend to my books. At this moment, you can say I am pretty much like Jason Mraz who enjoys watching the world moves without being tied down to anyone. Being single is cool...as long as he says so..hehe.
Okay, so with this I would say my thanks to that commentator for giving such a sound comment and you can have my assurance tat I won't let my confidence level be affected by the way I look. I wouldn't say that confidence comes naturally to me either..whether or not I see myself as fat, but something of which not all have it like they're born with it already. what's more important is that you are true to yourself because after all, at the end of the day, we're just human prone to making mistakes...but most importantly, learning from our mistakes. For me, I must learn to try accepting myself for who I am and not to look down on myself whenever I caught some cute guy's attention (hopefully again!). I mean why must it always end up with a relationship and to me, just to be friends with a cute guy is like meeting Jonathan Rhys Meyers in real life. That means....Im still somewhere up there on a cloud what ever its number may be!!!!!
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