Was I too HaRsh on My Mum?

I tot I was being too harsh on my mum in terms of money when she asked me to withdraw some money for this weekend as she has a wedding function invitation which she will be going with my aunt and her toddler. She told me that she didn't have cash money left from the last time my father gave her some amt of salary. Okay..firstly, I've always talked about my paranoia that one day..our family runs out of cash. But now that I am a bit more matured in terms of finance..that you know the old adage....wealth doesnt lasts forever if you just spend and spend like no tomorrow. The thing is..now I think about tomorrow and having suffered going to school with little or no money or going with my friends with mere dollars in my wallet..I don't wanna suffer no more. Then we have those times where we get some kind of financial windfall (I don't mean the lottery though...haha..), like for instance, when we moved into the current house and we made quite a profit. Thought that the money would last for long but within a year..it dwindled so much, we didn't know how it began or how it ended up to be zilch. zero. none.

I know about my mum's spending habits and she can be a bit too generous. She always talk about how she suffered worse than me when she was younger. Went to work at the start of her teenagehood..gave her mum a huge proportion of her salary...then the rest of her money, she used it to cook food for the family. Then, her neighbours...had good food to eat coz they were quite well off, she had to be contented with extra ordinary food. Ate salted fish and onlie when her mum managed to sneak some bread with peanut butter spread, considered a luxury food, from her employers, then she could eat. So she didn't wanna suffer no more. She doesn't want to live in the past no more.

I, on the other hand, know that yes...my sufferings were not as intensive as her. But logically, if I don't want to fall into the booby traps again..due to my own or my family's own doing....I have to be strict. I remembered when I let my guard down...coz I couldn't be bothered with my mum's constant requests to withdraw money. It was really bad..we were practically back to square one.

She was making noises just now when she asked for the card coz now..she knows how to use the atm, even for NETS function. I said..ok..ok..i will go out and get the cash when I gave a firm 'no' at first but I didn't wanna be too 'cruel' coz she does need some money for sunday. But she was mad at me for trying to control her like a hindrance to her enjoying her life. Then yeah..going back to her stories of how she saw her ex neighbours eating good food..and now...all middle aged...some of them, are barely trying to make a living. They were so used to living a luxury life, that when they barely make a lot of money....they got themselves a car. Then their son got a car too and a few credit cards. But he was merely a soldier in training. So they got two cars..one small and one rather big...against their relatives' reasonings that they just cannot afford. Now, the husband is not working..too lazy to find another job ever since he quit to help his wife at the food stall..and even the food stall is not makin money. Their son disappeared and reappeared with a new wife who married him secretly....and they had to help him pay his credit card bills and telephone bills which reached till more than 1k due to overseas calls whenever he was abroad on army trainings.

I know that both parents of mine worked very hard to support the family and as a child, I didn't really see much in that except that I know my mum worked the night shift and even ridiculed by her friends, for working so hard where else they don't. When she had my brother she stopped working to take care of my then baby brother but continued soon after. It was onlie after I started working and my father quit his job when he no longer had the strength to work the rigorous manual work as a techinician at singtel..I knew it was difficult.

I guess a huge part of why whenever we had a windfall..I sorta became a spendthrift, was this desire to buy the things that I never used to be able to afford. So, I somehow know how my mum felt. But now...unlike her, I saw the true colours of people. She did see..but she continued to to turn a blind eye...even though, sometimes she thought carefully..and yeah, she knows that I onlie have good, clear intentions and not otherwise.

For example..a classic case will be aunt who is her youngest sister. I remembered she used to help us also when I was in pre u and she just stopped working and relying on my father who incidentally just quit too and was working as a taxi driver. It wasn't easy making money as a taxi driver. She helped us quite a lot though sometimes, unwillingly from her tone of voice. And we didn't forget her..we gave her 3k (although she shamelessly asked for 10k) after my father got his CPF or fund savings when he turned 55 three years ago. And we paid her back the money she used to buy us a tv to replace the spoilt one and even a dvd/vcd player. When she needed money to adopt the baby, who is now almost three, my mum pawned her most expensive jewellery and gave her 500 dollars.

Now, my aunt is yet another person who is living in her own 'bubble' of wealth and who fails to see that we are supporting her, even though clearly, whenever she has money, she doesn't ask us out. Instead she asks out her pretty and handsome nephews, nieces and this friend of my age though they're working people now in their twenties. She doesn't look for us. I know my mum isnt the type to ask money back but why can't she just realise how my aunt is jz using her. Okay...now that she has a job already on her own and doesn't rely much on her husband's pathetic 5 dollars or 10 dollars daily payment to her..IF he is working at the barber shop, I feel she is still using my mum. Many times I had to endure some 'verbal abuse' from her..and just now, threats to 'kill' me coz she felt that I was too controlling and where got children nowadays think about their children. They onlie think about themselves.

Now that last bit of comment hurt me a lot...that I started to get all wet at the eyes. I know that I just had to be strong but that last comment almost weakened me. It sounded as if I never cared for the family at all. I wanted to say it back at her. I knew too that she wouldn't listen as she was too angry. But yeah...it was really hurtful.

Almost half of my salary goes to her from the very beginning and the slight increments each year, are not spent on buying new clothes and new shoes. They are spent on the ever increasing water bills that are getting ridiculously high for a four room house in a flat...and I also make sure there is enough fund for deductions from giro...I pay the telephone bill at home which is quite a lot compared to the past, when they don't have this package or that package..(and we didn't even sign up for them..)..although it is still below a hundred. I also pay for the cable tv which my brother watches most times and for the internet, although that is for my pleasure and also for my brother's school work. Then I still try to save each month..and I am barely left with money, except for transport.

If I am selfish..I will ask her to pay the power supply bill herself along with my father, who incidentally never touched the bill except to collect it from the letterbox. Her handphone and telephone bills, she pay herself since it is under her name not mine...and then go out enjoy whenever I am free.

Don't play the blame game lah....see oneself in the mirror first. I don't say doesn't mean I don't have any problems. I don't go all out telling people my 'sad' life story and expect people to understand my point of view onlie. At times, things are beyond our control but what we can control, we try our best in preventing the worst from happening again.

Just now in the evening, right before I start to vacuum while she was slumped on the sofa saying how I wish I dont have children....I just casually sighed and said the water bill have gone up so much. I have to pay 150 now which got her shocked like 'what? you paid onlie 150? so we owe a lot?' I said 'no'..that's just my share.

Then she said like what..she has to pay extra 50?! I said no.....I still can pay...then she was quiet and I know when she doesnt say back after that, she's thinking about what I say..I know at times, she says the harshest things but she does think back about whatever I say like 'see? you give a hundred dollars to pay for her daughter's clothes since u cant come out..she STILL ask u to come out after buying the clothes and you pay for the entire food...and her entire trip. Onlie difference is..she is working now!' Firstly, she would defend her sister and I would lament that if she didn't have enough..why must she keep saying her husband earn 2k plus and now her husband has a new handphone bought at 700 dollar plus..in cash money, some more! And there she was trying to ask my mum if she can pay for her daughter's childcare fees for the first month, which is inclusive of uniforms and deposit.

One thing...I know that if she ever give her that 700 dollars..I will give a huge verbal thrashings. I asked my mum why can't u just get it that these people act rich at you last time..and now that they don't have enough even for basic necessities...you can't be at their beck and call all the time. They helped us last time..and they ASKED for payback. We paid them back...often a bit more than what they gave so we don't owe them anything to make us at their 'mercy'. We don't even ask for repayments, like how they did to us, and even then...sometimes they forget that we did give them money, but they conveniently forgot...

Still, no matter what...I was being too harsh on her..I always over-react like I tot when she said '2'..she asked for 2k and not 200. I know that she has changed a lot...after she is surprised to find out that I top up as much as I can whatever have been spent to keep the finances 'balanced'. I have to sacrifice so the family can move on in the future..and not begging our relatives for help, of which they would suddenly change the story and say they don't have money although they just boasted about their new gold jewellery or something.

I'm holding on a piece of thread now..

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