Not Screwing Up Again
I want to put the title as 'Still Recovering from Flu' as in the follow up to my previous blogpost title but narh. But it's the truth when I said that sadly, I have not fully recovered yet. The minute I stopped wearing a cardigan to work and just wore a short sleeves top, that's it. I came back home shivering and with a flu that got me so physically worn out.
And I'm actually contemplating on going to a second visit to the doctor to get better medicine, nevermind if I have to pay a bit more because I just want to recover from it. This week, I actually had planned to start working on my online business of making and selling accessories but my body is feeling weak when I reach home, though my brother just summed it as being plain lazy, heh. But really, my colleague went on leave and only came back today and then even though she was not in office, she liaised with me via email and messaging to get some things done for her and at the last minute -_-
So rush I did and even had to bring work home which I dislike of course coz first thing first, it will never get done. And if I do it, probably I will be doing it quite late at night and then I will lose like one or two hours of sleep. Frankly speaking, those people who continue to do work at home till late at night even though they spend about 12 hours at their workplace already, my hats off to you. For myself, I don't want to be mugged down by work and let it eat me slowly by cutting into my casual time. For one thing, I know I can never be a teacher, haha. My students won't do any good with a slacker teacher like me.
Anyway, I got my performance bonus already and I'm happy of my share, at least compared to last year. I know there were a lot of 'sounds' of unhappiness that some people expected more even though they already get quite a lot. I guess coz since it's tagged to their performance and to them, they may have outperformed themselves and therefore expected a lot. Plus they heard so and so gets how much and they start comparing their own performance to these people, and felt they had been unfairly paid in terms of bonus.
But seriously, you know to each its own. This ranking is across the board of ministry and not just within the same department. Therefore it's not as easy as comparing yourself to your own colleague. Why do you compare yourself to others. Probably this is their year, maybe next is yours? We can't forget that there is still a group of people who may not even get a single thing at all due to poor performance. To me, though yes I was unhappy with what I got last year, I know that it's my fault too coz I had a lot of new things on my plate and made a few critical mistakes so it's pretty much justified. I wasn't angry with my boss or my colleague who seems to be hogging most of the work due to her perfectionism though I did appear to be. I just tried to do my best and do as instructed as much as I can and learn from my mistakes. I'm not perfect. Even my boss makes mistakes too, including that perfectionist colleague of mine.
Of course now my only motivation factor is that I want to get promoted so that I won't stay at the same stagnant pay that I have right now. Therefore I'm working extra hard now. If I can maintain the same grade as this year for next year's PB or even do better, then I should do better. While my perfectionist colleague did say bluntly that she just think I won't get 1 month of bonus like her, it's okay. People can say what they want. If she's not happy even though she gets the full month, unlike the rest of us, then whatever.
My only concern is that I have whined enough about being in a sh*thole for suddenly being overwhelmed by outstanding bills. I have paid almost all that I have owed and am starting on a new clean slate. I shall not spend unnecessarily again. So far I have spent on food and groceries for myself at work and for my family. Then just now I bought online an eyeshadow primer so that my eyeshadow will last longer and a make up brush coz it's something that I need when applying make up but isn't in my brush kit. They're inexpensive and both cost less than $10. I won't buy another eyeshadow palette again. I bought also $10 worth of beads coz they're on discount and I need them for my handmade accessories. I don't already have them in my collection of beads and they seem to be in trend now, so I'm just keeping up with it.
Second thing after paying my bills is that I segregated half of what I get into my other savings account for emergency use. It will remain untouched unless I really need it.
Oh by the way, I almost found myself in a fix just now because suddenly my mum wanted to use money because her friend asked her out. Lucky thing the money came in already so I was able to lend it to her. She's sure gonna make noise if she finds out I'm not able to give her money to spend. She was kinda surprised that despite my whinings that I don't have money, suddenly I am able to fork out $100 just like that and then for once, she really didn't feel so down like she has been lately coz she keeps thinking that we are in trouble as I'm showing signs that I have money problems.
But of course I didn't tell her that I just received money. She did suspect for awhile coz I didn't flinch when she asked for money though I freaked out a bit when she asked for my atm card so that she can withdraw the money herself. When she made that remark, my brother who was beside her just grinned like saying 'I know what she doesn't know'. Yah, honestly only he knows. He's pretty much a typical teenager who don't give a sh*t, haha. He would just jokingly say, oh buy me this or that, but he doesn't mean it and just forget about it.
Anyway, this is the only time she doesn't know about the extra dough that I get come every March all these years, even with my previous company. It's not coz I am so selfish but it's a good time for me to keep some spare cash handy for emergency use. Of course I still spend on them like a good loving yet sometimes unappreciated daughter that I am :) And a sister too, though he still thinks I'm such a nagger.
I'm not screwing up this given chance by God again. I will learn from my past spending mistakes :)
follow me at http://twitter.com/rahayupopz
And I'm actually contemplating on going to a second visit to the doctor to get better medicine, nevermind if I have to pay a bit more because I just want to recover from it. This week, I actually had planned to start working on my online business of making and selling accessories but my body is feeling weak when I reach home, though my brother just summed it as being plain lazy, heh. But really, my colleague went on leave and only came back today and then even though she was not in office, she liaised with me via email and messaging to get some things done for her and at the last minute -_-
So rush I did and even had to bring work home which I dislike of course coz first thing first, it will never get done. And if I do it, probably I will be doing it quite late at night and then I will lose like one or two hours of sleep. Frankly speaking, those people who continue to do work at home till late at night even though they spend about 12 hours at their workplace already, my hats off to you. For myself, I don't want to be mugged down by work and let it eat me slowly by cutting into my casual time. For one thing, I know I can never be a teacher, haha. My students won't do any good with a slacker teacher like me.
Anyway, I got my performance bonus already and I'm happy of my share, at least compared to last year. I know there were a lot of 'sounds' of unhappiness that some people expected more even though they already get quite a lot. I guess coz since it's tagged to their performance and to them, they may have outperformed themselves and therefore expected a lot. Plus they heard so and so gets how much and they start comparing their own performance to these people, and felt they had been unfairly paid in terms of bonus.
But seriously, you know to each its own. This ranking is across the board of ministry and not just within the same department. Therefore it's not as easy as comparing yourself to your own colleague. Why do you compare yourself to others. Probably this is their year, maybe next is yours? We can't forget that there is still a group of people who may not even get a single thing at all due to poor performance. To me, though yes I was unhappy with what I got last year, I know that it's my fault too coz I had a lot of new things on my plate and made a few critical mistakes so it's pretty much justified. I wasn't angry with my boss or my colleague who seems to be hogging most of the work due to her perfectionism though I did appear to be. I just tried to do my best and do as instructed as much as I can and learn from my mistakes. I'm not perfect. Even my boss makes mistakes too, including that perfectionist colleague of mine.
Of course now my only motivation factor is that I want to get promoted so that I won't stay at the same stagnant pay that I have right now. Therefore I'm working extra hard now. If I can maintain the same grade as this year for next year's PB or even do better, then I should do better. While my perfectionist colleague did say bluntly that she just think I won't get 1 month of bonus like her, it's okay. People can say what they want. If she's not happy even though she gets the full month, unlike the rest of us, then whatever.
My only concern is that I have whined enough about being in a sh*thole for suddenly being overwhelmed by outstanding bills. I have paid almost all that I have owed and am starting on a new clean slate. I shall not spend unnecessarily again. So far I have spent on food and groceries for myself at work and for my family. Then just now I bought online an eyeshadow primer so that my eyeshadow will last longer and a make up brush coz it's something that I need when applying make up but isn't in my brush kit. They're inexpensive and both cost less than $10. I won't buy another eyeshadow palette again. I bought also $10 worth of beads coz they're on discount and I need them for my handmade accessories. I don't already have them in my collection of beads and they seem to be in trend now, so I'm just keeping up with it.
Second thing after paying my bills is that I segregated half of what I get into my other savings account for emergency use. It will remain untouched unless I really need it.
Oh by the way, I almost found myself in a fix just now because suddenly my mum wanted to use money because her friend asked her out. Lucky thing the money came in already so I was able to lend it to her. She's sure gonna make noise if she finds out I'm not able to give her money to spend. She was kinda surprised that despite my whinings that I don't have money, suddenly I am able to fork out $100 just like that and then for once, she really didn't feel so down like she has been lately coz she keeps thinking that we are in trouble as I'm showing signs that I have money problems.
But of course I didn't tell her that I just received money. She did suspect for awhile coz I didn't flinch when she asked for money though I freaked out a bit when she asked for my atm card so that she can withdraw the money herself. When she made that remark, my brother who was beside her just grinned like saying 'I know what she doesn't know'. Yah, honestly only he knows. He's pretty much a typical teenager who don't give a sh*t, haha. He would just jokingly say, oh buy me this or that, but he doesn't mean it and just forget about it.
Anyway, this is the only time she doesn't know about the extra dough that I get come every March all these years, even with my previous company. It's not coz I am so selfish but it's a good time for me to keep some spare cash handy for emergency use. Of course I still spend on them like a good loving yet sometimes unappreciated daughter that I am :) And a sister too, though he still thinks I'm such a nagger.
I'm not screwing up this given chance by God again. I will learn from my past spending mistakes :)
follow me at http://twitter.com/rahayupopz
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