Mother's Day
okay this entry is a tad bit late but nevertheless wanna wish all mothers a happy mother's day! I didn't plan to do anything for my mum coz despite my mum's particular neurotic habit of upkeeping personal hygiene, she's not that big on celebrations. Infact, she is easily satisfied like she jz wanted two stick of sotong heads from old chang kee and strangely, she didnt ask for her fav snacks which is Mamee. Yeah, that snack with the blue cookie monster lookalike on the packaging with the 'everlasting' smile. The one that we had indulged in once upon a time in our lives but my mum, her indulgence started last year when she is past her mid forties. Oh, but she did ask for something else. Twenty ripe tomatoes from the nearby cold storage to make tomato juice in order to retain her health..and her..uhm..youthfulness. Usually, I'll be like...sighz.....thinking about carrying the load of tomatoes plus other stuffs that are just aplenty. But today, I didnt really feel so bad like maybe coz yesterday, I psychoed myself into thinking that I am doing her big favours almost everyday coz it's good enough I have a rooftop over my head. And that she is paying the monthly house payments with her cpf from her years of working.
I feel rather bad coz she did bring up the idea of using my own cpf to help pay when I have accumulated enough. I have only like what..four years plus of working experience and so it's THAT much. But everytime, i think about it, I think about how in a few years time later, how is she gonna enjoy her retirement when much of her money has gone into paying for the house every month? I don't mind paying off lah even though I may end up having a lot lesser come to my own retirement. But if she is willing to take charge and sacrifice, I feel that this is a small matter. So, I guess it helps me to think positive that okay, Im just doing my family a favour buying for them groceries and food whether after work or on weekends. It's not that I am being placed under lock and chains and only released to do the necessary chores. I can do my own stuffs after that once I get what she wanted for the family.
Maybe Im wrong but I guess in a way, she is appreciative of what I have been doing for the family even to the extent of travelling out of the way just to buy food instead of the usual nearby places. It may irritate me thinking that i have to travel to a place crowded with people (like half of singapore's population are living there or something) but I try not to think too much. Just buy and get lost. Fast. Then also to distract myself with music playing from my mp3 listening to jason mraz or gorillaz. But I think the method of just getting it over and done with is better..hehe..
But of coz, I still am not sure if she does love me like amidst her bossing me around, I dont know if she is treating me as I am. I still think that she loves my brother more even though he makes her angry more than me with his rather quick temperedness like especially the minute my mum tell him off. He eats a lot and even eats into people's share unconsciously like eating my mum's packet of large fries jz coz he is damn hungry, he'll gobble up any available food. Oh, whether or not his either. Even I try to control him and he'll give this huge shrug saying that whatever he does, is not right. Despite often trying to rationalise to him that we're not scolding for fun but to correct him, the next time he'll forget again. Still, my mum will still adore him and I don't know where she places me in her heart. I mean it's good enough that I will go out of the way just to buy food or whatever but she'll keep calling me and asking my whereabouts citing that if she does not keep track, i'll take my own sweet time. I dont really do that but like come on, I do have my own stuffs to get too. I am a working individual, and therefore i can afford to buy things for myself and the last time I checked, they don't pay me by the hour too. It irritates me if she calls me like every twenty to half an hour to ask if I am done or heading home already. That kinda gives me doubts like does she appreciate whatever I am doing now as a daughter or a convenient person to do the chores.
I really dunno...the only thing that I know she does for me is to wash my dirty clothes with the washing machine once I accumulate enough to start a mini hill..hee. She doesn't ask me how' s my day or if I have eaten. Only occasionally she'll ask over the phone or what like what I ate if I said I had lunch just now. Oh, then when I bring home bags of groceries, she's just sitting there while my brother just grab the food first and not helping me to put down the things or what. I don't know if she pities me or not for carrying so many things, meant for more than one person to carry. She doesn't say anything but she says affectionate things to my brother like I love my son..but she doesn't say anything to me. I do feel sad thinking about it. Sometimes it hit me so hard that I'd just tear up but most times, I try not to think too much about it. I should be thankful that my parents are still alive and I am still alive and my family doesn't have any major crisis or financial problems like how we did before. She's still my mum and I do appreciate her half listening to me when I talk to her (the other half goes towards listening to the drama she is watching) about work problems or colleague problems. Then she also confides in me about her friends or her younger sister who never asked about her well being or even about our recent family crisis when my father was hospitalised. She always talk about her in laws like her sister in law and then always come up with some excuse the minute my mum starts talking about her stuffs. She never paid a visit saying she wouldn't know how to get out of the mrt to go to the hospital. I was thinking that would be the last thing she would say knowing she' s not the type who just stays at home.
People say that im a good kid who cares about her family and about her future like wanting to pursue further studies. But people like my colleagues who often hear my plight whenever my mum calls to ask me to buy back food or groceries, they symphatise with me. True, I do get irritated with her ridiculous requests to just take half day to help buy food for my father if he is at home and she'll call so often I'll be saying loudly like she think this is my father's company or what, can go home anytime. Then I am not that happy about her talking bad about my father coz as much as his erratic temper can be annoying, I guess it's not fair to blame it all on him. I can only try to reason out with both my parents whenever they each tell me the problems they have with each other. The thing is, both my parents, they're the stubborn sort. They say means they say..and no one can change that. I can only be the middle person giving them assurance that maybe coz of this or maybe coz of that he or she is behaving that way. it's tiring but they are, after all, my parents and I couldn't ask for anyone else.
I know my mum isn't as loving towards me as other people often portray through the media or in the public. She doesn't even cook for the family anymore for the longest time and only waits for me to throw the rubbish when I reach back home and also to vacuum almost everyday. But she's still my mum and I do appreciate her even though she drives me nuts with her constant tall order and her strict maintenance over my personal hygiene.
At times, there are people who indirectly touched me with their stories of their plight whether on the tv or the newspapers. Today, especially..being a mother's day, my immediate thought about people in general is to buy a present for mum or a cake and taking her out for dinner. But reading sad stories about mums who are going through hardship such as being diagnosed with cancer or taking care of their children with special needs, it made me think hard. It is not easy being a mum. Even mums who become home-makers are working themselves despite not holding down a paying job. Taking good care of the family is a job in itself. I reviewed my life again whenever I read stories of real life plight that I appreciate even more of my own life, being 'cushioned' with comfort with no serious illness to overcome or major problems to deal with. I also think about how I have been treating others. I guess my 'niceness' can be attributed to my personal character who doesn't like to hurt other people's feelings knowing full well how it is like being treated like an alien. I can just turn the table and play it against them but I won't be any different from them. I'll be just as cruel or horrible as them.
Seeing people gaining strength through their faith and believe that they can pull through their personal crisis such as overcoming a loved one's death, shines new light on me. I start doing things that i have been putting aside for so long and then treating others in a better manner. I start thinking about what i want to do with my life coz we can never anticipate what is going to happen tomorrow. People have been acting complacent or selfish with little care for others and then working their butts off to earn the promotions till they forget about their loved ones around them. They lose touch of reality and will only touch base if they land themselves in tragic situation. It is sad to know that only when things like this happen that we stop and think about what we have been doing so far. Does life equates to money? Does the world revolves around us only? Who are we fooling ourselves for. There is so much to life and we definitely need one another as life is not just one single path ahead. When I think about why I still am not slim enough and why cant I have her thighs, I get unhappy. I used to go crazy whenever I gained even half a kilo depriving myself of food and thus the nutrients jz to lose back that half kilo. What do I end up with? Random spots on my inner elbow and my thighs coz I suffered from mild case of undernourishment. Now, I still control my food intake but I don't deprive myself so badly I eat once and the rest of the day, I only drink water. I won't stop myself from my quest of being slimmer but I am not about to give myself a bad skin.
So okay, I will tell myself to stop comparing myself to others if it is just going to make me unhappy. I can aim to be slim but I shouldn't feel so freakin' down seeing others looking good in what they wear while i have to be contented with my bulging stomach, rounded hips, thunder things. I mz think that at the very least, I am embarking on this quest and I haven't given up since. I have seen results however and I must appreciate that nowadays, I get to wear nicer clothes than before and I have better complexion. This wouldn't be possible if I never put in any efforts and just let life pass me by like that with me forever being unhappy with the way i look. If we can change for the better, why not.
In the case of my mum, I may not be able to change her perceptions of whatever she has on me. I guess in my case, I must thank God that we are still going strong as a family. Maybe my mum does love me...perhaps even more than she does to my brother, I'll never know. I still love my mum and I hope she knows that whatever I have done for the family so far, I don't ask for anything else but for them to continue being with me for as long as I live.
Mum, I wish you a happy mother's day...
I feel rather bad coz she did bring up the idea of using my own cpf to help pay when I have accumulated enough. I have only like what..four years plus of working experience and so it's THAT much. But everytime, i think about it, I think about how in a few years time later, how is she gonna enjoy her retirement when much of her money has gone into paying for the house every month? I don't mind paying off lah even though I may end up having a lot lesser come to my own retirement. But if she is willing to take charge and sacrifice, I feel that this is a small matter. So, I guess it helps me to think positive that okay, Im just doing my family a favour buying for them groceries and food whether after work or on weekends. It's not that I am being placed under lock and chains and only released to do the necessary chores. I can do my own stuffs after that once I get what she wanted for the family.
Maybe Im wrong but I guess in a way, she is appreciative of what I have been doing for the family even to the extent of travelling out of the way just to buy food instead of the usual nearby places. It may irritate me thinking that i have to travel to a place crowded with people (like half of singapore's population are living there or something) but I try not to think too much. Just buy and get lost. Fast. Then also to distract myself with music playing from my mp3 listening to jason mraz or gorillaz. But I think the method of just getting it over and done with is better..hehe..
But of coz, I still am not sure if she does love me like amidst her bossing me around, I dont know if she is treating me as I am. I still think that she loves my brother more even though he makes her angry more than me with his rather quick temperedness like especially the minute my mum tell him off. He eats a lot and even eats into people's share unconsciously like eating my mum's packet of large fries jz coz he is damn hungry, he'll gobble up any available food. Oh, whether or not his either. Even I try to control him and he'll give this huge shrug saying that whatever he does, is not right. Despite often trying to rationalise to him that we're not scolding for fun but to correct him, the next time he'll forget again. Still, my mum will still adore him and I don't know where she places me in her heart. I mean it's good enough that I will go out of the way just to buy food or whatever but she'll keep calling me and asking my whereabouts citing that if she does not keep track, i'll take my own sweet time. I dont really do that but like come on, I do have my own stuffs to get too. I am a working individual, and therefore i can afford to buy things for myself and the last time I checked, they don't pay me by the hour too. It irritates me if she calls me like every twenty to half an hour to ask if I am done or heading home already. That kinda gives me doubts like does she appreciate whatever I am doing now as a daughter or a convenient person to do the chores.
I really dunno...the only thing that I know she does for me is to wash my dirty clothes with the washing machine once I accumulate enough to start a mini hill..hee. She doesn't ask me how' s my day or if I have eaten. Only occasionally she'll ask over the phone or what like what I ate if I said I had lunch just now. Oh, then when I bring home bags of groceries, she's just sitting there while my brother just grab the food first and not helping me to put down the things or what. I don't know if she pities me or not for carrying so many things, meant for more than one person to carry. She doesn't say anything but she says affectionate things to my brother like I love my son..but she doesn't say anything to me. I do feel sad thinking about it. Sometimes it hit me so hard that I'd just tear up but most times, I try not to think too much about it. I should be thankful that my parents are still alive and I am still alive and my family doesn't have any major crisis or financial problems like how we did before. She's still my mum and I do appreciate her half listening to me when I talk to her (the other half goes towards listening to the drama she is watching) about work problems or colleague problems. Then she also confides in me about her friends or her younger sister who never asked about her well being or even about our recent family crisis when my father was hospitalised. She always talk about her in laws like her sister in law and then always come up with some excuse the minute my mum starts talking about her stuffs. She never paid a visit saying she wouldn't know how to get out of the mrt to go to the hospital. I was thinking that would be the last thing she would say knowing she' s not the type who just stays at home.
People say that im a good kid who cares about her family and about her future like wanting to pursue further studies. But people like my colleagues who often hear my plight whenever my mum calls to ask me to buy back food or groceries, they symphatise with me. True, I do get irritated with her ridiculous requests to just take half day to help buy food for my father if he is at home and she'll call so often I'll be saying loudly like she think this is my father's company or what, can go home anytime. Then I am not that happy about her talking bad about my father coz as much as his erratic temper can be annoying, I guess it's not fair to blame it all on him. I can only try to reason out with both my parents whenever they each tell me the problems they have with each other. The thing is, both my parents, they're the stubborn sort. They say means they say..and no one can change that. I can only be the middle person giving them assurance that maybe coz of this or maybe coz of that he or she is behaving that way. it's tiring but they are, after all, my parents and I couldn't ask for anyone else.
I know my mum isn't as loving towards me as other people often portray through the media or in the public. She doesn't even cook for the family anymore for the longest time and only waits for me to throw the rubbish when I reach back home and also to vacuum almost everyday. But she's still my mum and I do appreciate her even though she drives me nuts with her constant tall order and her strict maintenance over my personal hygiene.
At times, there are people who indirectly touched me with their stories of their plight whether on the tv or the newspapers. Today, especially..being a mother's day, my immediate thought about people in general is to buy a present for mum or a cake and taking her out for dinner. But reading sad stories about mums who are going through hardship such as being diagnosed with cancer or taking care of their children with special needs, it made me think hard. It is not easy being a mum. Even mums who become home-makers are working themselves despite not holding down a paying job. Taking good care of the family is a job in itself. I reviewed my life again whenever I read stories of real life plight that I appreciate even more of my own life, being 'cushioned' with comfort with no serious illness to overcome or major problems to deal with. I also think about how I have been treating others. I guess my 'niceness' can be attributed to my personal character who doesn't like to hurt other people's feelings knowing full well how it is like being treated like an alien. I can just turn the table and play it against them but I won't be any different from them. I'll be just as cruel or horrible as them.
Seeing people gaining strength through their faith and believe that they can pull through their personal crisis such as overcoming a loved one's death, shines new light on me. I start doing things that i have been putting aside for so long and then treating others in a better manner. I start thinking about what i want to do with my life coz we can never anticipate what is going to happen tomorrow. People have been acting complacent or selfish with little care for others and then working their butts off to earn the promotions till they forget about their loved ones around them. They lose touch of reality and will only touch base if they land themselves in tragic situation. It is sad to know that only when things like this happen that we stop and think about what we have been doing so far. Does life equates to money? Does the world revolves around us only? Who are we fooling ourselves for. There is so much to life and we definitely need one another as life is not just one single path ahead. When I think about why I still am not slim enough and why cant I have her thighs, I get unhappy. I used to go crazy whenever I gained even half a kilo depriving myself of food and thus the nutrients jz to lose back that half kilo. What do I end up with? Random spots on my inner elbow and my thighs coz I suffered from mild case of undernourishment. Now, I still control my food intake but I don't deprive myself so badly I eat once and the rest of the day, I only drink water. I won't stop myself from my quest of being slimmer but I am not about to give myself a bad skin.
So okay, I will tell myself to stop comparing myself to others if it is just going to make me unhappy. I can aim to be slim but I shouldn't feel so freakin' down seeing others looking good in what they wear while i have to be contented with my bulging stomach, rounded hips, thunder things. I mz think that at the very least, I am embarking on this quest and I haven't given up since. I have seen results however and I must appreciate that nowadays, I get to wear nicer clothes than before and I have better complexion. This wouldn't be possible if I never put in any efforts and just let life pass me by like that with me forever being unhappy with the way i look. If we can change for the better, why not.
In the case of my mum, I may not be able to change her perceptions of whatever she has on me. I guess in my case, I must thank God that we are still going strong as a family. Maybe my mum does love me...perhaps even more than she does to my brother, I'll never know. I still love my mum and I hope she knows that whatever I have done for the family so far, I don't ask for anything else but for them to continue being with me for as long as I live.
Mum, I wish you a happy mother's day...
Comments