Im So Used
Gawd..I hate to receive sms-es or short messages via my handphone from my colleagues. ACtually, it's more for my current partner in the team. I can't believe everytime she sms-es me, she's always sounding bossy like instructing to do stuffs for her or bring stuffs for her like Im her farking secretary. Please lah, get ur life organized can? I know u're the leader in my team (though rarely acts as one) but it doesnt give you the authority to keep instructing me to do stuffs for u due to ur own carelessness? And wat makes you think that Im always agreeable to what you want me to do? It's always like 'Ayu, can you something something for me tonight, thank you' or 'Ayu, can you bring something something for me tomorrow, thank you' and the last straw which I didn't respond coz I felt was so redundant was 'Ayu, can you email me the schedule by tonight?' Like what the hell, you think I got so much time to go type out the addresses of the schools to you jz coz u lost the stupid schedule? Please...even if you want me to help do you a favour, cannot ask nicely is it? Oh, and most importantly, whether or not I am able to do it and that if I can help you or not. Don't always make it sound like you're instructing me whether or not I want to do them. Please lah, go do something about ur own life like get a new job or something that you really like instead of sticking to this and causing other people misery due to your own slack. Oh, and the 'thank you' at the end of your message doesn't help at all. You can keep your thanks.
Right now, I am so emotionally drained in regards to finance. We're not having financial problems or something even though my father hasn't started working regularly. But still, I am so stressed out. I know I can't compare my family's financial strength last year and this year. Judging from my mum's notorious spending habits, it's impossible to keep the finances from last year as intact as possible. Then again, we still have a sizeable amount which I am trying so hard not to compare with the one last year. Anyway, I felt guilty not telling my mum the balance but at the same time, if I ever tell her, she'll be throwing me questions like how can be like that? Last time it was this amount. She often forgets that she uses the money every now and then and don't they all add up? I try so hard to control the finances and if I don't that, it's probably nil by now. Right now, I have to exert more control as my father's health isn't that good right now and at times, we do need to use money as the medisave won't cover all. And that's damn strange considering my father worked hard all these years to accumulate the medisave, which by the way is for medical uses, and guess what? They put a limit to it and you have to pay cash money for the rest of the amount. Now that's bull, might as well not have this medisave shit at all. I mean, even a minor operation can cost thousands and we can't be paying thousands for every operation that he takes up. Oh, and we don't determine how long he stays at the hospital. I don't see why we are charged extras for the additional days he stayed when originally, they put it down as three. So if it ever extends more than that, they are going beyond what has been stated on black and white. So, they foot the bill. Why must we? And the stupid capping of the withdrawal of the medisave isn't helping at all.
Oh, about the guilt of not telling my mum so as not to give her shock every now and then, I couldn't help but tell. I know im putting our finances at risk by telling her as I know she will most probably try to put her hand into it despite knowing that we have to watch out for our spending so as not use them up. The balance is really shaky now and not as stable as last year and if they are wrongly misused, it will be a bigger shocker. I don't want to live a life like the last time when we were so miserable that I couldn't even top up my ez link card to go to work. And that I had to look for money all around the house for loose change just to go down the shop to buy some snacks as we were really hungry and didn't have enough to buy real food. Oh yeah, she was initially shocked but somehow I felt she felt a bit comforting to know that I did put some under reserves in my savings accounts. So comforting that for a wedding which she attended just now, by one of her ex neighbour's friend, she had to buy a new headscarf that cost 40 bucks. It was an exclusive headscarf and she is one of those type that cannot afford to wear what she wore the last time for fear of people recognising it from that time. Like come on, who ever takes note? And that she also bought one for my aunt who wasn't too happy that my mum didn't buy for her as promised as my dad hasn't been working for awhile. Please lah, my dad is not feeling well and all she cared about is the stupid exclusive headscarf. My mum did buy for her the other time but she gave it to her mother in law. Sometimes, my mum buys for her stuffs like especially whe she tagged along and she gave them to her sisters in law. She's always trying to lift them up as yeah, she is always saying that they're rich coz they save a lot or their husbands are earning a sizeable amount of money. But now, the one of whom she said is a big saver and who scrimps a lot with money is as if sounding to her if she has money as she doesn't have enough. And after hearing a few times of how my mum helps my aunt financially sometimes if she doesn't have enough, her sister in law is as if sounding like she wants my aunt to ask my mum if she can help too. what the fark...just go find your own relatives. You're not a very nice person in the first place too. Gossip lah..gossip some more about other people.
Gawd, I have been writing angry stuffs nowadays. Why can't i write something more positive which doesn't involve being manipulated, worried, angry and troubled. Man oh man, the month is about to end and I dare say it hasn't been a good one. My mum thinks that Im just too nice at times that people step all over being me. She's especially not happy with me covering another colleague's duty last Saturday just coz her relative was really sick and that she didn't want to take urgent leave as it would be a waste taking leave on that day. Even if she's working on Saturday, it will be counted as a one day leave. As much as I hate to burn my Saturday and that next week, I'll still be burning it, by..you guessed it..working, I thought like what the heck, it sounded urgent. Besides, it'd be inhumane for me to say 'no' if covering her on saturday is also part of my job and her brother is very sick and possibly dying from a long term illness. She is intending to go to work on one of the three days which she took the day off and for me to cover. I mean, I am not against her taking leaves as they are her priviledge but I don't see why she must take it so often like I have to cover her almost every week. Cant she compromise with her doctor or something to get the surgery over and done with? It gets rather tiring shuffling from the field visit to the school in the morning and then going to the clinic in the afternoon. Then, my so called leader cum colleague is the type who gives no shit about the going ons in our field work until she suddenly gets a brainwave and then recall something which I have already settled like two weeks ago.
Oh yeah, my mum isnt too happy about her mostly because it is an unofficial coverage. I had to log in to the system with her id to make it seem like she's doing her duty that time. And worse of all, I don't get my time off at all from working that Saturday as it was unofficial. SO no matter what, I am at the losing end. Although she did say she would come back to work even though she intended to take leave on one of those 3 days, come to think of it, I am still working. I may not be covering her but I will still be doing my normal duty instead of taking the time off. In other words, there is not farking difference for me. The only difference is that not only will she save one day of leave but two instead. She didn't take leave on saturday so that is one. She is forgoing another day's leave to work instead, and that's two. What do I have? Nothing lah. And that's why my mum thinks that I am working for free.
But I don't know. She is my close colleague of whom I do share some personal matter to her whenever I'm bogged down with some kind of family problems or something. My mum likes her too as she has been very nice to me. But now, she doesn't think so. She said that sometimes it's not good being too close to people as there is a higher chance of them asking you to do for them favours or making you to do work for them. I know my colleague has no intention to do that as she is only concerned about being at the hospital to see her brother who is in critical condition. But whatever it is, as much as I thought that she should have taken urgent leave instead, not coz it was rather last minute, but rather it wouldn't be fair to me as I won't be able to claim time off for work done on an unofficial working day. Her working days include Saturday as hers is an attachment to a polyclinic so she has to follow their timing. Even being let off at 4.30pm rather than our usual 5.30pm is also due to following their closing down time. For me, sometimes Im just too lazy to think when it comes down to things like these. Even when my partner reports sick almost every week, and that almost all the time she takes two days mc, I don't fark care anymore. I just dont feel like responding to her. I don't mind working with other people, as if she's some kind of big help in the first place anyway, but it gets to me at times when I am left to do her 'dirty' work or doing a major part of our paperwork and filing.
Gosh, whatever it is now, I just hope come next month in June, I'll be more stabilised mentally. It's tiring thinking about some stuffs over and over again as I just can't stop thinking about them. For now, I really really hope my father can resume work once again, even it is only covering duties, as it can help bring me some income into the family at least to put food on the table. Just that. Haiz, hopefully things will only get better.
Right now, I am so emotionally drained in regards to finance. We're not having financial problems or something even though my father hasn't started working regularly. But still, I am so stressed out. I know I can't compare my family's financial strength last year and this year. Judging from my mum's notorious spending habits, it's impossible to keep the finances from last year as intact as possible. Then again, we still have a sizeable amount which I am trying so hard not to compare with the one last year. Anyway, I felt guilty not telling my mum the balance but at the same time, if I ever tell her, she'll be throwing me questions like how can be like that? Last time it was this amount. She often forgets that she uses the money every now and then and don't they all add up? I try so hard to control the finances and if I don't that, it's probably nil by now. Right now, I have to exert more control as my father's health isn't that good right now and at times, we do need to use money as the medisave won't cover all. And that's damn strange considering my father worked hard all these years to accumulate the medisave, which by the way is for medical uses, and guess what? They put a limit to it and you have to pay cash money for the rest of the amount. Now that's bull, might as well not have this medisave shit at all. I mean, even a minor operation can cost thousands and we can't be paying thousands for every operation that he takes up. Oh, and we don't determine how long he stays at the hospital. I don't see why we are charged extras for the additional days he stayed when originally, they put it down as three. So if it ever extends more than that, they are going beyond what has been stated on black and white. So, they foot the bill. Why must we? And the stupid capping of the withdrawal of the medisave isn't helping at all.
Oh, about the guilt of not telling my mum so as not to give her shock every now and then, I couldn't help but tell. I know im putting our finances at risk by telling her as I know she will most probably try to put her hand into it despite knowing that we have to watch out for our spending so as not use them up. The balance is really shaky now and not as stable as last year and if they are wrongly misused, it will be a bigger shocker. I don't want to live a life like the last time when we were so miserable that I couldn't even top up my ez link card to go to work. And that I had to look for money all around the house for loose change just to go down the shop to buy some snacks as we were really hungry and didn't have enough to buy real food. Oh yeah, she was initially shocked but somehow I felt she felt a bit comforting to know that I did put some under reserves in my savings accounts. So comforting that for a wedding which she attended just now, by one of her ex neighbour's friend, she had to buy a new headscarf that cost 40 bucks. It was an exclusive headscarf and she is one of those type that cannot afford to wear what she wore the last time for fear of people recognising it from that time. Like come on, who ever takes note? And that she also bought one for my aunt who wasn't too happy that my mum didn't buy for her as promised as my dad hasn't been working for awhile. Please lah, my dad is not feeling well and all she cared about is the stupid exclusive headscarf. My mum did buy for her the other time but she gave it to her mother in law. Sometimes, my mum buys for her stuffs like especially whe she tagged along and she gave them to her sisters in law. She's always trying to lift them up as yeah, she is always saying that they're rich coz they save a lot or their husbands are earning a sizeable amount of money. But now, the one of whom she said is a big saver and who scrimps a lot with money is as if sounding to her if she has money as she doesn't have enough. And after hearing a few times of how my mum helps my aunt financially sometimes if she doesn't have enough, her sister in law is as if sounding like she wants my aunt to ask my mum if she can help too. what the fark...just go find your own relatives. You're not a very nice person in the first place too. Gossip lah..gossip some more about other people.
Gawd, I have been writing angry stuffs nowadays. Why can't i write something more positive which doesn't involve being manipulated, worried, angry and troubled. Man oh man, the month is about to end and I dare say it hasn't been a good one. My mum thinks that Im just too nice at times that people step all over being me. She's especially not happy with me covering another colleague's duty last Saturday just coz her relative was really sick and that she didn't want to take urgent leave as it would be a waste taking leave on that day. Even if she's working on Saturday, it will be counted as a one day leave. As much as I hate to burn my Saturday and that next week, I'll still be burning it, by..you guessed it..working, I thought like what the heck, it sounded urgent. Besides, it'd be inhumane for me to say 'no' if covering her on saturday is also part of my job and her brother is very sick and possibly dying from a long term illness. She is intending to go to work on one of the three days which she took the day off and for me to cover. I mean, I am not against her taking leaves as they are her priviledge but I don't see why she must take it so often like I have to cover her almost every week. Cant she compromise with her doctor or something to get the surgery over and done with? It gets rather tiring shuffling from the field visit to the school in the morning and then going to the clinic in the afternoon. Then, my so called leader cum colleague is the type who gives no shit about the going ons in our field work until she suddenly gets a brainwave and then recall something which I have already settled like two weeks ago.
Oh yeah, my mum isnt too happy about her mostly because it is an unofficial coverage. I had to log in to the system with her id to make it seem like she's doing her duty that time. And worse of all, I don't get my time off at all from working that Saturday as it was unofficial. SO no matter what, I am at the losing end. Although she did say she would come back to work even though she intended to take leave on one of those 3 days, come to think of it, I am still working. I may not be covering her but I will still be doing my normal duty instead of taking the time off. In other words, there is not farking difference for me. The only difference is that not only will she save one day of leave but two instead. She didn't take leave on saturday so that is one. She is forgoing another day's leave to work instead, and that's two. What do I have? Nothing lah. And that's why my mum thinks that I am working for free.
But I don't know. She is my close colleague of whom I do share some personal matter to her whenever I'm bogged down with some kind of family problems or something. My mum likes her too as she has been very nice to me. But now, she doesn't think so. She said that sometimes it's not good being too close to people as there is a higher chance of them asking you to do for them favours or making you to do work for them. I know my colleague has no intention to do that as she is only concerned about being at the hospital to see her brother who is in critical condition. But whatever it is, as much as I thought that she should have taken urgent leave instead, not coz it was rather last minute, but rather it wouldn't be fair to me as I won't be able to claim time off for work done on an unofficial working day. Her working days include Saturday as hers is an attachment to a polyclinic so she has to follow their timing. Even being let off at 4.30pm rather than our usual 5.30pm is also due to following their closing down time. For me, sometimes Im just too lazy to think when it comes down to things like these. Even when my partner reports sick almost every week, and that almost all the time she takes two days mc, I don't fark care anymore. I just dont feel like responding to her. I don't mind working with other people, as if she's some kind of big help in the first place anyway, but it gets to me at times when I am left to do her 'dirty' work or doing a major part of our paperwork and filing.
Gosh, whatever it is now, I just hope come next month in June, I'll be more stabilised mentally. It's tiring thinking about some stuffs over and over again as I just can't stop thinking about them. For now, I really really hope my father can resume work once again, even it is only covering duties, as it can help bring me some income into the family at least to put food on the table. Just that. Haiz, hopefully things will only get better.
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