hi...
when you were back in school, have you ever heard of the phrases like 'keep in touch' and 'friends forever'? for me, maybe i'll write 'keep in touch' in those infamous autograph books but somehow, at such an age, i knew that the chances of that occuring is almost zero. how can it not be? those ex classmates or school mates, who seldom talked to you...laugh with you..hang out with you..out of nowhere ask you to sign that darn autograph book of theirs..and for me, basically it's just to fill up spaces to make it look like they have a whole lotta friends. dont mind me..i'm a cynic even during those times.
and you know what? i hate it whenever my mum mentions some names who used to be my ex school mates back in primary school. Coz right now my brother is in the same school so there are times, when my mum is in that neighbourhood and some of her friends, are the mums of my ex school mates. She's the friendly sort...so no surprise about that. but anyway, why I hate it? simple. coz these people have never talked to me..and if they did, it was only a matter of time when they would stop talking to me. Basically, whenever I get better scores than them, they shunned me like i got herpes or what. They called me 'dirty' before......they used to laugh at me...basically picking on me. If I tried to talk to them..coz I absolutely didn't know in what ways i had offended them...they gave me these stares like they they didn't wanna have anything to do with me.
There was a time when in primary 5 I suppose when they had a dance competition. So there was this boy who organized the dance routine and being enthusiastic, I joined. I even went for the practise under the void deck. But he was too controlling and he wasn't too happy about me...i think he said something like I would make them lose. Still, it didnt get me down coz I tot okay maybe I was pretty bad and when I asked him again, when would be the next practise, he said he didn't want me to join and avoided me. I was very very upset.
Then they carried on their practises and I would at times, walked past that void deck after school and seeing them practise and yeah, you have no idea how wrecked i was. But one day, I did something like I helped my group to win in some class competition, and suddenly he was on talking terms with me. I didn't like to bear grudges so when he was joking with me, I laughed too even though I didn't understand what the joke was about. Suddenly, he asked me if I was still interested to join in their practice and take part in the competition. I gave a firm 'no'.
So the competition started and guess what, not only did he and his team lost, they lost badly coz they were also disqualified. His face was sour but i didn't say anything when he went back to class but he gave me this look like he was regretful about what he did to me. I just didn't understand such people...I didn't want to understand them coz I somehow gave up. That wasnt the only incident. I had a bestfriend who lived in the same flat as me and out of the blues, she totally ignored and when our friends were like..'what happened?' she made it like it was my fault although I swore I didn't even know we ever fight. It was more like she made other friends but she made it seemed like I did something so bad that she told people no way was she gonna be friends with me. I could only blame it on myself for getting better scores than them..coz then, I would feel upset coz I lose friends in the process too.
Like I said, even after psle, when I got tops in my class, I saw them both at a funfair and they totally snubbed me when I smiled at them! I tell ya..there were not the onlie ones who didn't like me. I know I didnt talk much but when I do, they didn't wanna talk to me like Im stupid or what. When I score better, it made the situation worse. So I simply didn't like my mum talking to me about them coz for the guys especially, their mums could still remember me. Even after more than 10 years since I left primary school. They were wondering how I looked like and even when I did see them, and when they were helping to sell food under the flat during the fasting month, they couldn't recognise me. But I was hoping they wouldn't coz when they found out that I did quite well in my studies working for some stat board, supporting my family and that my mum didn't have to work anymore but they had to start afresh, suddenly I am this perfect daughter-in-law for them. FORGET IT.
Even though my mum didnt quite promote me saying that i am big sized lah..not pretty lah...but they said they had not seen me and it wasn't nice for her to say that. Their sons' ex girlfriends or current girlfriends are good for nothings. They are not as nice as me and they bully their sons and make them buy things for them.Then they said they didn't care about them anymore coz their sons are not that smart so they were hoping I would help to counter-effect that. What the hell?! Somehow my mum got psychoed and told me that it was best to settle down with a guy who isn't that smart because they cannot bully me easily or go around womanizing. I told my mum to please...don't listen to them. They're just a bunch of irritants.
Then just last friday, when I had it up to here about my mum asking if I remember this boy or that boy coz she just met their mum, I was like 'please!!! you have no idea what their children did to me and sure I remember them, and I remembered them coz they think that I am so darn stupid coz I am always quiet!! When I got good grades, they teased me or ignored me. You think I want to keep in touch with them?! NO way!' I guessed that stumped her for awhile and she didnt mention about them anymore. If not, it would have been super irritating for my mum to always ask me to recall whoever names. Didnt she even remember how their parents, for both the girls and the guys, treated her? They treated her like they treated me...their children did nonsense stuffs at me like pulling my hand, scolding me..teasing me..and if my mum saw she would scold, they hated her so much and they said that I was the cause of it.
They laughed at my mum for working the night shift while their husbands had to work only. Now my mum is relaxing and they have to work coz their children always change jobs and earning too little to support the family or they have their own family to support that they don't give their parents money. It's little wonder why mum is still friendly with them...haiz....
Oh well....so I guess good friends are hard to find right? What's the use of having friends who don't think about your needs..always think you're not good enough....gets jealous of you easily...and yadah yadah. I onlie had one good friend back then in school coz she was also a loner like me and she got worse teasing times than me too coz she was very big and people thought she was stupid coz she didn't talk much either. Guess what? She's right now just started her job as an english teacher at hougang secondary school after getting her degree and then studying at NIE for one year.
Give people a chance...don't judge people easily. It's like fine...you're still young and you don't know how to control your emotions easily either. But I don't like it even after years since we left primary school, they still hate me. I bumped into them before when I was in secondary school and they still gave me dirty looks like they hated me coz I went express and they went to normal stream. Well, jealousy can only take you so far. You will only ruin your own life.....Oh well, I guess they can only give themselves a break.
when you were back in school, have you ever heard of the phrases like 'keep in touch' and 'friends forever'? for me, maybe i'll write 'keep in touch' in those infamous autograph books but somehow, at such an age, i knew that the chances of that occuring is almost zero. how can it not be? those ex classmates or school mates, who seldom talked to you...laugh with you..hang out with you..out of nowhere ask you to sign that darn autograph book of theirs..and for me, basically it's just to fill up spaces to make it look like they have a whole lotta friends. dont mind me..i'm a cynic even during those times.
and you know what? i hate it whenever my mum mentions some names who used to be my ex school mates back in primary school. Coz right now my brother is in the same school so there are times, when my mum is in that neighbourhood and some of her friends, are the mums of my ex school mates. She's the friendly sort...so no surprise about that. but anyway, why I hate it? simple. coz these people have never talked to me..and if they did, it was only a matter of time when they would stop talking to me. Basically, whenever I get better scores than them, they shunned me like i got herpes or what. They called me 'dirty' before......they used to laugh at me...basically picking on me. If I tried to talk to them..coz I absolutely didn't know in what ways i had offended them...they gave me these stares like they they didn't wanna have anything to do with me.
There was a time when in primary 5 I suppose when they had a dance competition. So there was this boy who organized the dance routine and being enthusiastic, I joined. I even went for the practise under the void deck. But he was too controlling and he wasn't too happy about me...i think he said something like I would make them lose. Still, it didnt get me down coz I tot okay maybe I was pretty bad and when I asked him again, when would be the next practise, he said he didn't want me to join and avoided me. I was very very upset.
Then they carried on their practises and I would at times, walked past that void deck after school and seeing them practise and yeah, you have no idea how wrecked i was. But one day, I did something like I helped my group to win in some class competition, and suddenly he was on talking terms with me. I didn't like to bear grudges so when he was joking with me, I laughed too even though I didn't understand what the joke was about. Suddenly, he asked me if I was still interested to join in their practice and take part in the competition. I gave a firm 'no'.
So the competition started and guess what, not only did he and his team lost, they lost badly coz they were also disqualified. His face was sour but i didn't say anything when he went back to class but he gave me this look like he was regretful about what he did to me. I just didn't understand such people...I didn't want to understand them coz I somehow gave up. That wasnt the only incident. I had a bestfriend who lived in the same flat as me and out of the blues, she totally ignored and when our friends were like..'what happened?' she made it like it was my fault although I swore I didn't even know we ever fight. It was more like she made other friends but she made it seemed like I did something so bad that she told people no way was she gonna be friends with me. I could only blame it on myself for getting better scores than them..coz then, I would feel upset coz I lose friends in the process too.
Like I said, even after psle, when I got tops in my class, I saw them both at a funfair and they totally snubbed me when I smiled at them! I tell ya..there were not the onlie ones who didn't like me. I know I didnt talk much but when I do, they didn't wanna talk to me like Im stupid or what. When I score better, it made the situation worse. So I simply didn't like my mum talking to me about them coz for the guys especially, their mums could still remember me. Even after more than 10 years since I left primary school. They were wondering how I looked like and even when I did see them, and when they were helping to sell food under the flat during the fasting month, they couldn't recognise me. But I was hoping they wouldn't coz when they found out that I did quite well in my studies working for some stat board, supporting my family and that my mum didn't have to work anymore but they had to start afresh, suddenly I am this perfect daughter-in-law for them. FORGET IT.
Even though my mum didnt quite promote me saying that i am big sized lah..not pretty lah...but they said they had not seen me and it wasn't nice for her to say that. Their sons' ex girlfriends or current girlfriends are good for nothings. They are not as nice as me and they bully their sons and make them buy things for them.Then they said they didn't care about them anymore coz their sons are not that smart so they were hoping I would help to counter-effect that. What the hell?! Somehow my mum got psychoed and told me that it was best to settle down with a guy who isn't that smart because they cannot bully me easily or go around womanizing. I told my mum to please...don't listen to them. They're just a bunch of irritants.
Then just last friday, when I had it up to here about my mum asking if I remember this boy or that boy coz she just met their mum, I was like 'please!!! you have no idea what their children did to me and sure I remember them, and I remembered them coz they think that I am so darn stupid coz I am always quiet!! When I got good grades, they teased me or ignored me. You think I want to keep in touch with them?! NO way!' I guessed that stumped her for awhile and she didnt mention about them anymore. If not, it would have been super irritating for my mum to always ask me to recall whoever names. Didnt she even remember how their parents, for both the girls and the guys, treated her? They treated her like they treated me...their children did nonsense stuffs at me like pulling my hand, scolding me..teasing me..and if my mum saw she would scold, they hated her so much and they said that I was the cause of it.
They laughed at my mum for working the night shift while their husbands had to work only. Now my mum is relaxing and they have to work coz their children always change jobs and earning too little to support the family or they have their own family to support that they don't give their parents money. It's little wonder why mum is still friendly with them...haiz....
Oh well....so I guess good friends are hard to find right? What's the use of having friends who don't think about your needs..always think you're not good enough....gets jealous of you easily...and yadah yadah. I onlie had one good friend back then in school coz she was also a loner like me and she got worse teasing times than me too coz she was very big and people thought she was stupid coz she didn't talk much either. Guess what? She's right now just started her job as an english teacher at hougang secondary school after getting her degree and then studying at NIE for one year.
Give people a chance...don't judge people easily. It's like fine...you're still young and you don't know how to control your emotions easily either. But I don't like it even after years since we left primary school, they still hate me. I bumped into them before when I was in secondary school and they still gave me dirty looks like they hated me coz I went express and they went to normal stream. Well, jealousy can only take you so far. You will only ruin your own life.....Oh well, I guess they can only give themselves a break.
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