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Gained Weight!

Man...I have been feeling so lethargic since yesterday...u have no idea how horrible i felt for gaining one kg. I know..you're thinking like...pffttt...it's just one pathetic kg..but u don't know how much that means to me. It ain't easy losing 1kg by itself and so far, in this year, it has been yo-yoing between gaining and losing back 0.5kg. But so far, for more than a month, I have not gained 1 kg..like that. And I have myself to blame onlie. I have been eating...and eating...for the past one week and I reallie felt terrible for having to eat rice for almost everyday. THis shouldn't be the case. At least for someone who is trying to lose weight.

But at one point, I started to get bored...I started to get bored with this diet regime..hrm..like I still haven't given up chocs or really eat just peas and carrots. I'd rather die than eat just peas and carrots. Still, I really cut down on snacks and the quantity of food that yeah..like I said, I started to get bored. I guess it's the devil inside of me whispering to me to just go ahead and eat that delicious oily and carbohydrate rich plate of food. And man, I totally regret it. Like also, why cant i just have one piece of snack and I just HAD to buy three?! See, what i mean...i felt like i was losing out so much on food that, when it was OK to eat a snack, I had to snap up more than one.

I tot surely i would gain weight but may just be like 0.5kg (heh..easily lost). and then it was evident with the slight tightness around my pants, I didn't think at all that I would double that 0.5kg. It was already hard enough to lose 1 whole kg..u cannot imagine how i felt that instead of losing, I gained back 1 kg. it was such a horrible feeling that finally sank in me...like I shouldn't stop taking good care of my diet. In the first place, I don't stop myself from eating what I like..but that doesn't give me the authority to eat one whole packet of rice followed by ice cream half an hour later. It just doesnt make sense!

Sighz...what I can onlie conclude is that we shouldn't control our diet so much that we would lose focus. I thought I learnt this lesson already...by still eating what I like..aka my sinful indulgence...fried hot dog bun..heh....but onlie once a week. Then, I wouldn't eat other heavier stuffs or totally cut down on oily food since that alone, is damn oily already. But I guess I gave in...I GAVE In!!!

Gawd..right now, this whole one week, I am trying to lose back that one kg..fast!!! I am gonna have this gathering thingey next Saturday and i was supposed to lose two kg by that time..but NooOoo..rahayu has to be naugthy and lose focus on her exercise and diet! Yeah talking about exercise, like two weeks ago, I bought this twist and shape..sorta like a stepper..(which is so freakin difficult as the minutes go by..) and I was determined to use every single day. But when I stopped playing on it for fun..and decided to seriously do exercise with it, I tot it was like the one in the gym which was a lot bigger but similar in action. Twenty minutes felt a whole lot more than that, and I was huffing and puffing...and sweating buckets. More than I would usually sweat when on the other stepper in the gym. I mean..okay..about the same lah..just that with the one at home, I started sweating like mad 10 minutes into the workout. Geez..no wonder they say 5 minutes of workout everyday is sufficient. I totally can understand that ! Damn..those models on the tv show make it look so easy to just step and go with this twist and shape. Trust me..don't be easily fooled by them..heh...

So, after that 'horrific' moment of overconfidence a.ka. 'this is chicken!'....and really knew how it felt twenty minutes later, I stopped doing it for almost a week. But maybe one good thing about gaining (Gawd..i hate to say that word)....is that it makes me stop and think. Like stop and think to myself..am I doing any good to myself by gorging on food..at going beyond my 'one day one heavy meal onlie' routine. And eating snacks like no tomorrow. Well, people do get side tracked, right? We're just humans..we're never perfect!

But so far so good. Initially, I was feeling damn lethargic and in such a bad foul mood for trying to control my diet so that I won't start overeating again. Still, this is for my own good, right? Haha..I want to look good in a top...okay, so I am still big size..but big, doesnt mean you have to be all flabby right? I want to have a more leaner silhoutte especially around my waist, sorta like an hour glass. I noticed that the weight gain I had for this past week went straight to the waist that the bulges that I lost a bit, came back slightly and I hated it.

ANyhow, rahayu can do it right? Haha..time for some self prep talk here...

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