Not a Puppet
Man, I feel like im trapped in some manhole or something..day in day out im doing the same things..i hate to be at the beck and call of people..i hate to be forced to do things that I dont want to do. And the 'best' thing? thats when people escape while I have to do the 'dirty' job.
Like I dont like to be forced...in the sense if i dont want to play bowling or pool..it means..i dont want to play. So what if its just for the sheer fun of it. I don care if we are all on par with each other but if I happen to be the onlie who sucks big time with balls...no pun intended...it really..er..sucks. Like the previous outing with my ex oi friends when I had to be 'forced' to play bowling despite my protests to escape it this time as I just DONT feel like playing. And yeah..it showed on my face..my movements..my whateva....and before this I know I already sucked and who cares if the bowling ball constantly will go into the drain pit or whatever u call it....I just want to play for the sheer fun of it. I dont want it be some mini competition where I would be the onlie who suck..suck..and suck. Not that I want everyone else to be in the same position as me...just that....I WANT to play for the sheer fun and if I am not in the mood for some fun..u can drag me..pull my hair..if I dont like it...i just cant shake the black mood out.
And plenty of other things lah tat make me wish sometimes that I dont have to be stuck with this friend or friends or even family. Its just my moronic nature that I lways have to be the one standing around like an idiot or wandering around just coz I have to keep someone coompany. I know sometimes thats what friends do but I do want it be a 'give and take' thingey..like ok, this time I come all the way for u...maybe next time if i said something wrong unintentionally..or did something that doesnt meet ur expectation...pls dont treat me like I was born to serve u. Im no paris hilton and the last time I checked, u aint one either.
What pisses me off about my family is when EVERY SINGLE DAY i have to come home or go out and then come home during weekends with heavy bags of groceries. And if I forgot to get some thing or I got the wrong things instead...already there's no sense of gratitude, I would even be scolded for being in dreamland. Then they would not quite open the door for me..or they just unlatch it and go back to their 'comfortable cofa' and if I come inside w the bags..they aim for the food first. Then me? I will sit down catch my breath first...(no mean feat sometimes)...then unpack everything to keep in the fridge or the cabinet. When they are done with their foods, they will leave the empty packets or food remains on the table for me to clear. While I am trying to diet..I dont usually buy for myself so I'll just for them. But yeah..I bought the food, brought home the food, pick up the boxes or packets of leftover food and then pack them all up and go out to throw the plastic bag.
And jz now...they were sprawled on the couch after eating and I went to the bathroom. I went out, on my pc and about to play my sims2 and my mum made a huge huge fuss about me not closing the top fridge door properly. Called me blur....anything happens to the fridge..i have to pay for it. LIke excuse me...I was the one who bought the food..bruised my arms for carrying heavy bags everyday...and help to keep the things but I guess I didnt close the fridge door properly and I got nagged at coz she thinks Im so lazy..coz I didnt check properly..
Then as I jz started to click on a family to play in my sims2...she said that the house is messy and Im just sitting down there doing nothing. And I just came back like what..half an hour ago? I need a rest too since I have to do my work outfield and walking in the hot sun and being in the hot sun isn't a joke.
Anyway, who cares...I had to psycho myself that I dont have to get married in the future so I dont end up complacent like my family so no one will suffer. And also....I dont have to be asked to perform errands for another family like own or my in laws. It's so tiring now that I felt like im already married for ten years (coz thats how old my bro is now)....that I dont know if my mum even cares about me as much of the errands isnt just for the family but solely for him.
Then my brother always escape with punishments but just pure sarcastic talks by my parents and if he trhows a tantrum . he should count himself lucky coz last time I seriously tot that I dont have parents or I was adopted.
But over the years..my mum still show lack of concern fo me especially in recent times whenever I am asked to run errands....and she's always concerned about my brother eating and not eating. And she said all those in less than 3 hours when he jz had his mcdonalds..of which the meals for him are like meant for two people like that.
Whateva lah..maybe it's God's ways of telling me that Im just am not prepared for marrriage. I guess it's so fine with me lah..I dont want to end up in a family where I would be more forced to be at the beck and call of people.
Im not looking for anybody...coz I dont want to get married coz right now...my ten children at home are calling to get for them things.
Like I dont like to be forced...in the sense if i dont want to play bowling or pool..it means..i dont want to play. So what if its just for the sheer fun of it. I don care if we are all on par with each other but if I happen to be the onlie who sucks big time with balls...no pun intended...it really..er..sucks. Like the previous outing with my ex oi friends when I had to be 'forced' to play bowling despite my protests to escape it this time as I just DONT feel like playing. And yeah..it showed on my face..my movements..my whateva....and before this I know I already sucked and who cares if the bowling ball constantly will go into the drain pit or whatever u call it....I just want to play for the sheer fun of it. I dont want it be some mini competition where I would be the onlie who suck..suck..and suck. Not that I want everyone else to be in the same position as me...just that....I WANT to play for the sheer fun and if I am not in the mood for some fun..u can drag me..pull my hair..if I dont like it...i just cant shake the black mood out.
And plenty of other things lah tat make me wish sometimes that I dont have to be stuck with this friend or friends or even family. Its just my moronic nature that I lways have to be the one standing around like an idiot or wandering around just coz I have to keep someone coompany. I know sometimes thats what friends do but I do want it be a 'give and take' thingey..like ok, this time I come all the way for u...maybe next time if i said something wrong unintentionally..or did something that doesnt meet ur expectation...pls dont treat me like I was born to serve u. Im no paris hilton and the last time I checked, u aint one either.
What pisses me off about my family is when EVERY SINGLE DAY i have to come home or go out and then come home during weekends with heavy bags of groceries. And if I forgot to get some thing or I got the wrong things instead...already there's no sense of gratitude, I would even be scolded for being in dreamland. Then they would not quite open the door for me..or they just unlatch it and go back to their 'comfortable cofa' and if I come inside w the bags..they aim for the food first. Then me? I will sit down catch my breath first...(no mean feat sometimes)...then unpack everything to keep in the fridge or the cabinet. When they are done with their foods, they will leave the empty packets or food remains on the table for me to clear. While I am trying to diet..I dont usually buy for myself so I'll just for them. But yeah..I bought the food, brought home the food, pick up the boxes or packets of leftover food and then pack them all up and go out to throw the plastic bag.
And jz now...they were sprawled on the couch after eating and I went to the bathroom. I went out, on my pc and about to play my sims2 and my mum made a huge huge fuss about me not closing the top fridge door properly. Called me blur....anything happens to the fridge..i have to pay for it. LIke excuse me...I was the one who bought the food..bruised my arms for carrying heavy bags everyday...and help to keep the things but I guess I didnt close the fridge door properly and I got nagged at coz she thinks Im so lazy..coz I didnt check properly..
Then as I jz started to click on a family to play in my sims2...she said that the house is messy and Im just sitting down there doing nothing. And I just came back like what..half an hour ago? I need a rest too since I have to do my work outfield and walking in the hot sun and being in the hot sun isn't a joke.
Anyway, who cares...I had to psycho myself that I dont have to get married in the future so I dont end up complacent like my family so no one will suffer. And also....I dont have to be asked to perform errands for another family like own or my in laws. It's so tiring now that I felt like im already married for ten years (coz thats how old my bro is now)....that I dont know if my mum even cares about me as much of the errands isnt just for the family but solely for him.
Then my brother always escape with punishments but just pure sarcastic talks by my parents and if he trhows a tantrum . he should count himself lucky coz last time I seriously tot that I dont have parents or I was adopted.
But over the years..my mum still show lack of concern fo me especially in recent times whenever I am asked to run errands....and she's always concerned about my brother eating and not eating. And she said all those in less than 3 hours when he jz had his mcdonalds..of which the meals for him are like meant for two people like that.
Whateva lah..maybe it's God's ways of telling me that Im just am not prepared for marrriage. I guess it's so fine with me lah..I dont want to end up in a family where I would be more forced to be at the beck and call of people.
Im not looking for anybody...coz I dont want to get married coz right now...my ten children at home are calling to get for them things.
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