What Have You Done Today?

Sometimes I read posts, but merely skimming through, and man, they can be so mean. The problem is at times, I know some of these people and I'm like in disbelieve, why are they saying such things. But I'm not here to judge people. I am here to simply lead my own life. It's their own prerogative. Only thing is that, if they're so negative, I don't want their negative vibes to rub on me. 

I would rather ask myself 'What Have I Done Today?' Do I even have any right to judge other people's lives, especially when we don't know the real them, for sure? If they're truly happy being themselves, after hiding for so long as if they are being chained, let them truly enjoy their new found freedom. For other people who said that we shouldn't give them the respect because compared to someone else, they are world's apart. There IS no comparison. Each of them has put their kind heart and soul forward, for the benefit of other people, and they shall be remembered for it; not because 'oh he was a celebrity, he shouldn't be glorified'..yadah yadah. So what. He didn't die out of folly like drunk driving or something. It was an unfortunate accident, which happened at a charity event he had co-organized.

So just leave it as that. They had obviously carved out a life which people remember them for. What have we done today? Do we spend time, behind the computer, passing snide remarks using our keyboard, cursing for no reason, while other people out there, continue to make a difference in their lives as well as in other people's lives?

So I say, create a life which you think YOU ought to live. From my past posts, I have been trying my best to think positive, despite the difficulties I'm in. I felt like I needed a time out. I seldom skipped gym on Sundays unless I'm really sick the day before. There was one time where I fell down the day before in the afternoon, but I still hobbled to gym and slowly walked on the treadmill and cycled on the stationery bike. 

But last week, I felt I needed to be away from it. Not because I'm lazy but because I want to get out of the routine, for once. I needed to read something that will inspire me to move ahead in life, despite the hardship that I am going through. It then dawned on me. God has indeed blessed me. I received an order recently for 300 cards (!) last month which is the most number of cards I have received. I have more than a month to do them but I have to commit to my earlier projects first and study for my tests and I can only officially start in the month of December which is now. So I have to seriously work super fast.

While waiting for the money to come in, I thought about how am I going to survive for the few weeks before my pay day which includes the bonus as well. I didn't want to borrow money from the people I used to borrow from. My online shop isn't receiving much orders, but I guess it could be a good thing because due to the upcoming 3 week's long holiday, the tests dates are quite close to one another. The random orders  I receive still enable to support my family, no matter how small the amount is. I have also been helping my mum who borrows from me quite a lot this month and she was saying, she didn't need to additional money from my bonus because she want to use the money now. I can't just say no because I'm struggling myself. But I simply hope and pray for the best.

The thing is, at first I prayed I get this much of money before pay day. My prayer is answered but I would have to wait for it. In other words, work for it first. That got me thinking just recently. Sure, orders are slow and my Christmas promos aren't really popular. But I believe I should respond to it positively. I will not stop. I will not just drop everything and say, that's it..this is a TOTAL waste of time. 

So did God just make me wait for the big fish and meanwhile, suffer from it? No. As long as I believe and have faith that things will get better and continue to pray for it. Somehow, I managed to get by. But I will have to pay back and it's okay. The amount helps me to tide over my difficult period. Do I curse myself for having such a pathetic and poor life where every day is a financial struggle for me? Honestly, yes I have been pretty upset but not to an extent, I hated my life. Sometimes, my mind blanks out like I really don't know what to do but miracles come, in small ways but with big impact.

People have also been kind to me. I get to eat food I don't normally eat like pizza or seafood lunch. I even went on a Staff Retreat in Malaysia which is good because being broke means I can't even travel across the causeway. A colleague also helped to pay for my clothes, which initially, I didn't want to buy because I didn't bring enough cash.

While I have to eventually pay back the amount, which amounted to close to $400, I have it covered. I don't think I have much to spend on later. I will a;sp be getting additional cash from the project as well as some bursary money from the polytechnic which I am currently pursuing a part-time diploma. But it will go straight to funding my next semester. 

Life has been tough recently, but slowly I will rebuilt it to make it even better than it was yesterday because everyday, to be able to wake up and make changes in my life, and perhaps in other people's lives as well, is truly a gift even money can't buy.

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