No Obligations

Last Friday, I actually had company when I went home from work. The closest I have as company is when we walk out of the gates together and then go on different paths. But this one was different. it extended until inside the bus.

I dont want to make a hoo haa over this like some kind of big deal coz it really isnt. Still, for someone like me, who yearns for a day when some guy asked..'hey you want to grab dinner together?' or 'you want to catch a movie later?' it is, in my own little twisted world, a big deal when my male colleague asked me to wait for him so we can leave (the office) together.

Of course my initial reaction in my head was...oh no........but I thought well no biggie, coz it's only until the main gate and I have walked out before together with another male teacher as he was also the last one to leave and also took several rides in another male teacher's car to the nearby train station so it was no biggie. But when he started questioning me like where was I going after this....and I told him..'Im going home la..' followed by if I am going to take bus 62, I said 'err..no..I can take other buses also' then he was like surprised by that 'strange' revelation that I dont always take 62 as if he knows where I live and what bus I take but later while walking I realised he doesnt. Chet. Why this big fuss over 62 then.

I dunno what he was driving at but I said then again, I am going to hougang mall later which he then said excitedly..'oh then you can take 62 with me la! Im going back to Punggol'. Aiyo..paksa pulak (forcing me).

Earlier on the phone, my colleague who was on 3 days leave called to ask me favour to email her something and after awhile, I think he realised I was not on the phone with some random parent or public person and I was like laughing and smiling, and he was like hovering around my cubicle saying..who is it?! who is it?! But on the other line, my colleague was later gushing about him and telling me that few days ago, she spent time with him outside because she wanted to stay with him after suggesting that since he came out late and about the same time his girlfriend would also come out from her work too, might as well wait for her. She said..she was surprised to get to know him better and to find out things about him that she did not expect. So I jokingly said..'so he's not that shallow after all!!'

I call these two 'lovebirds' coz they were like a typical bickering couple who are sometimes hot and cold towards each other and my senior colleague would be trying to hush them up while I just peered over my cubicle and smiled at her coz of their antics. then on the phone, she said she calls him 'dear' (really meh?! I must have missed that among her various nicknames for him) and that he knows and dont mind that she calls him such. Then she asked if he said that he has missed her....and then asked me to pass the phone to him..which he at first protested..but I told him to just pick it up la. After that I think she asked him if he had missed her....then as if being forced at gun point, he whispered..'yes la yes la..i miss you'. Can someone pass me the bucket?

You know what Im thinking? Im thinking that because he has lunch with my colleagues and then at times, leave with them together after work, and then he doesnt do those things with me, it does feel like he is obliged to be fair and square towards me. I dont think it's the case of well...he's 'attracted' to me somewhat with him being younger and also because he already has a girlfriend.

As I've said in my previous post, it shouldn't be his moral obligation to do so. Im practically fine if he talks lesser to me than them. But it does feel like it when he calls me for no reason when Im passing by the room when they're having lunch and then at one time he'll appear out of that room when I was making myself a cereal drink for lunch to make a quick chat. Oh, at times too will try to make me join in their pointless conversation (started by the you-know-who) by calling my name again. Honestly, Im tired ah. If you want to talk to me, talk to me coz you want to not coz you have to.

But I will try to keep an open mind coz Im sure whatever I have said may not be the reason. He's just trying to make friends and it's nice of him not to make me feel left out. Oh, at least I know that people do want to be friends with me and that is such a huge moral boost since Im not one who boast such a huge confidence level so little things like this do make me happy and appreciated. God knows how hard for me to make friends so to have people actually attempting to do what with me is such a big deal. But they are not obliged to do so, coz I don't believe that I need a lot of friends to gauge how popular I am.