Shaky Start
haiz..the finances for the beginning of this week has been rather stretched due to medical expenses incurred by guess what..my family members inclusive of me. Sad to say...me..the one who supposedly has not taken a single mc for the 7 months actually has been going to the doctor for the last three months inclusive of this month. Medicine still in...but im still working like a dog. Oh well, I did want to open a new book the beginning of this month by taking extra care over the medical expenses. My mum..as usual...is forever in her 'security blanket' perception that our savings are everlasting. I'm sick and tired of her ignorance on that and her constant assumption that im always too calculative. She'll never understand until it reaches a point where we practically run dry, then she will be thinking of what is going to happen.
This has happened countless of times in the past and she will also always think that she has not done anything wrong and that we are the ones, my father and i, that are going overboard by trying to spot check on everything. I didn't say anything jz now when she was describing, like a kid who is guilty, but doesnt want to admit defeat, that she withdrew so and so amount with the atm card which, dammit, i forgot to take it back from her two days ago. That day my brother had a medical appointment at KKH. Here I am trying my utter best to stabilise my dad's conditions coz once it starts to get even more deteriorative, medical expenses are going to go way way way sky high and that is not freakin' good. I haven't actually felt the full impact of being the current sole breadwinner of the family judging from my father's health which isn't as good as it has been for the last two years. He has stopped working and I dread of this day but I know one fine day, it is going to come but I don't expect it to be so soon. I do wish he is pretty okay enough to go to work and maybe not ask for too strenuous duties.
But on the other hand, he will only take it that we don't want him at work and that we have no sense of pity over him like what if he was to fall or injure himself. I mean, of course I don't want that to happen so what I can do now is to simply take one day at a time and be more in control. But it is not easy being in control especially when the rest of the family are not exactly on par with my point of view. I can't change my mum overnight or even change my brother's appetite to be more in line with our tight budget. Im dealing with two people who are very much attached to each other and here I am...going to spoil their spur moments of enjoying life earlier with my atm card with my 'black face' coz up to this day, they don't understand the urgency of our family's situation.
Please believe me im not trying to restrict anyone here and not even those dear to me. But when reality bites, you have to accept faith as it is and not turn back and be in denial all the time and then your whole life is in shambles. Whatever it is, I will try to find a way to do something about this...even if on my own, I have to make my own sacrifices. I always tell myself that there are people out there who are worse off than me and have their share of family problems as well and unlike me who is still able to pay the bills etc for the past few years although my father was working that period. Sometimes one needs a wake up call before they realise the extent of their actions and then when it comes to the gut crunching moments to face up to the facts, they jz can't lift their heads and this despite the ample of warnings being given to them.
Look, I've been through that a few times and Im not about to do that again now. Savings are important and at this moment, being young single and carefree, that can be rather hard coz sales, for example, can be damn alluring especially for girls like me who will always have a certain degree of vain-ness in them. I mean come on, I don't work hard jz to pay the mobile service providers to think up of more expensive 3G plans and what have they...and to the Singapore Power to keep the water in my house running. I jz don't want to look back to the times when I was in my twenties and think about how I missed out so much on life coz I was being so restrictive on myself that I took the 'fun' out of it. Whatever it is, smart girls always save for the future and are able to run their life efficiently despite all kinds of responsibilities thrown at them and then will look jz as good as ever with a big smile on their face as if they're handling it all too well. I don't aim to be a supergirl or something but I don't also see myself holding back too much and not deserving a piece of the chocolate mud cake as it will only mean im guilty of ruining my diet. Life is about tasting it, savouring it and then moving on to the next dish on the buffet table. Don't like that food choice? There's plenty more down the table and it's all about careful selection to get that final plate of delicious food. Oh, and who says we can stop at one? Hehe....right now, I believe I can pass this phase of my life smoothly...
Im not about to surrender and then complain how my intentions of starting this new month with a fresh beginning didn't quite go as well planned. But it's okay..at least, Im slowly picking myself up and the only grouch I have is of my mum which is what I started this entry with. Maybe I should see it in a different light that at the very least she doesn't go out everyday and only like once or twice a week that she does. Not having additional income coming from my dad can be pretty hard and as much as I can, I do try to understand her situation also but on my part, I can't be too submissive either.
Whatever it is, on a more personal level, I do thi while nk I haven't shown any sort of control in other aspects of my life. I fall back into the category of doing wat i feel like doing at that moment of time like there's no proper planning on what exactly I want to do then make sure I complete them. I went to the library the other day and I saw a book, which uses the auditors' methods of checking through companies' financial accounts and status. However, this time instead of papers after papers, we're doing an audit check on our life. Interesting eh?
However, the book doesn't quite cover about auditing our personal grooming style..hehe..after all, isn't it part of life too? I guess we all have certain parts of our bodies tat we don't like or we like. So, to 'flatter' our physical appearance is not to tog ourselves up with designer pieces that we almost starve ourselves to death to fit into a certain size. that's bull. Personal style is about you you and you....even when you're panties that gives that stilly VPL or visible panty lines along ur butt cheeks. I know it' a big fashion no no and most of my friends are into pretty lacey panties which I don't exactly hate it. But i'd rather hang them on the wall as decorative pieces than to wear them..sorry to say this..hehe. Not that I never tried but I jz don't feel comfortable lah and forget about trying to get used to it. I don't have a petite butt..space ship is more like it. I like my butt..way better than the last time when it used to be too protruding and ..wait..WHY THE HELL AM I DESCRIBING MY BUTT NOW?!
Let me recompose myself..what i truly MEANT was...u're only a fashion victim if you follow the trends blindly and assume that we have to follow every single piece of fashion rule out there. I know VPL is a big No NO but frankly speaking, being sexy doesn't always equate to no VPL but a whole lot of other stuffs. Trust me, it is not sexy when you attempt to wear that g string and then constantly tug at it coz you don't feel comfortable in it. At the very least, it helps to wear fitting undergarments..or even any outfit that we put on, they must fit us well. Forget about trying to squeeze two sizes two small or two sizes too big as we only end up 'so not us'. Then in the end, we don't wear them coz we just don't feel comfortable in them and they only end up as 'extras' in our wardrobe. Heh....for me, I don't mind hand me down clothes even if they have been worn before but still in good condition coz one thing, im a cheapo so it helps to cut down on my expenses and the second thing is that, Im adding something new to my wardrobe that will look nice on me but I never thought of it. I used to have a phobia of wearing dresses coz u know why? I would only end up looking like a huge potato sack...wait..a TALL and huge potato sack that has been fully filled up with potatoes especially in the middle section. Then now, I was thinking it wouldn't be that bad but still in the 'not satisfied' category...(it's a woman thing). I keep forgetting to try them on whenever im outside just browsing through coz I always end up in the bias cut skirt sections..heh..I can't help it! Im such a 'skirtie' person. Anyway i took some snapshots of me wearing it and even though, i still think that I ought to lose a bit more weight before actually wearing it out, im pretty contented posing in one..hehe..
Haiz, still it beats wearing the pants yesterday which the same friend gave to me coz it was rather translucent and obviously can see the silhoutte of my panties. I didn't do that on purpose but hey, one needs to wear 'something' underneath right? My blouse was pretty long enough and black coloured but you know the deal at times when it gets hike up behind like after you sit or bend down for example. K so im aware that it hiked up and I would pull it down a bit but if I do it all the time, like duh obviously...people are going to get oh so curious! Frankly speaking eh, you wear or you dont wear undergarments, men when they're bored/married/engaged/old and dying will still look around and feast their eyes on unsuspecting victims. Remember they think of sex every 8 seconds. Yah, it's a cruel joke on them.
Gosh, there are so many things that I want to write about but I don't want this to be one hell of a long draggy entry. See, that's what happens whenever I put on hold blogging even over a mere number of days. I haven't begun on my frustrations on yours truly for not making an effort like the previous time when I borrowed a book on dreamweaver. Come on, Rhayu and do something useful with ur life! Geesh..
Okay, photo fest! The top below which I jz couldnt resist buying from Fox was the kind of blouse I had always wanted. I dunno..I jz like the kimono kind of look..hehe..
This has happened countless of times in the past and she will also always think that she has not done anything wrong and that we are the ones, my father and i, that are going overboard by trying to spot check on everything. I didn't say anything jz now when she was describing, like a kid who is guilty, but doesnt want to admit defeat, that she withdrew so and so amount with the atm card which, dammit, i forgot to take it back from her two days ago. That day my brother had a medical appointment at KKH. Here I am trying my utter best to stabilise my dad's conditions coz once it starts to get even more deteriorative, medical expenses are going to go way way way sky high and that is not freakin' good. I haven't actually felt the full impact of being the current sole breadwinner of the family judging from my father's health which isn't as good as it has been for the last two years. He has stopped working and I dread of this day but I know one fine day, it is going to come but I don't expect it to be so soon. I do wish he is pretty okay enough to go to work and maybe not ask for too strenuous duties.
But on the other hand, he will only take it that we don't want him at work and that we have no sense of pity over him like what if he was to fall or injure himself. I mean, of course I don't want that to happen so what I can do now is to simply take one day at a time and be more in control. But it is not easy being in control especially when the rest of the family are not exactly on par with my point of view. I can't change my mum overnight or even change my brother's appetite to be more in line with our tight budget. Im dealing with two people who are very much attached to each other and here I am...going to spoil their spur moments of enjoying life earlier with my atm card with my 'black face' coz up to this day, they don't understand the urgency of our family's situation.
Please believe me im not trying to restrict anyone here and not even those dear to me. But when reality bites, you have to accept faith as it is and not turn back and be in denial all the time and then your whole life is in shambles. Whatever it is, I will try to find a way to do something about this...even if on my own, I have to make my own sacrifices. I always tell myself that there are people out there who are worse off than me and have their share of family problems as well and unlike me who is still able to pay the bills etc for the past few years although my father was working that period. Sometimes one needs a wake up call before they realise the extent of their actions and then when it comes to the gut crunching moments to face up to the facts, they jz can't lift their heads and this despite the ample of warnings being given to them.
Look, I've been through that a few times and Im not about to do that again now. Savings are important and at this moment, being young single and carefree, that can be rather hard coz sales, for example, can be damn alluring especially for girls like me who will always have a certain degree of vain-ness in them. I mean come on, I don't work hard jz to pay the mobile service providers to think up of more expensive 3G plans and what have they...and to the Singapore Power to keep the water in my house running. I jz don't want to look back to the times when I was in my twenties and think about how I missed out so much on life coz I was being so restrictive on myself that I took the 'fun' out of it. Whatever it is, smart girls always save for the future and are able to run their life efficiently despite all kinds of responsibilities thrown at them and then will look jz as good as ever with a big smile on their face as if they're handling it all too well. I don't aim to be a supergirl or something but I don't also see myself holding back too much and not deserving a piece of the chocolate mud cake as it will only mean im guilty of ruining my diet. Life is about tasting it, savouring it and then moving on to the next dish on the buffet table. Don't like that food choice? There's plenty more down the table and it's all about careful selection to get that final plate of delicious food. Oh, and who says we can stop at one? Hehe....right now, I believe I can pass this phase of my life smoothly...
Im not about to surrender and then complain how my intentions of starting this new month with a fresh beginning didn't quite go as well planned. But it's okay..at least, Im slowly picking myself up and the only grouch I have is of my mum which is what I started this entry with. Maybe I should see it in a different light that at the very least she doesn't go out everyday and only like once or twice a week that she does. Not having additional income coming from my dad can be pretty hard and as much as I can, I do try to understand her situation also but on my part, I can't be too submissive either.
Whatever it is, on a more personal level, I do thi while nk I haven't shown any sort of control in other aspects of my life. I fall back into the category of doing wat i feel like doing at that moment of time like there's no proper planning on what exactly I want to do then make sure I complete them. I went to the library the other day and I saw a book, which uses the auditors' methods of checking through companies' financial accounts and status. However, this time instead of papers after papers, we're doing an audit check on our life. Interesting eh?
However, the book doesn't quite cover about auditing our personal grooming style..hehe..after all, isn't it part of life too? I guess we all have certain parts of our bodies tat we don't like or we like. So, to 'flatter' our physical appearance is not to tog ourselves up with designer pieces that we almost starve ourselves to death to fit into a certain size. that's bull. Personal style is about you you and you....even when you're panties that gives that stilly VPL or visible panty lines along ur butt cheeks. I know it' a big fashion no no and most of my friends are into pretty lacey panties which I don't exactly hate it. But i'd rather hang them on the wall as decorative pieces than to wear them..sorry to say this..hehe. Not that I never tried but I jz don't feel comfortable lah and forget about trying to get used to it. I don't have a petite butt..space ship is more like it. I like my butt..way better than the last time when it used to be too protruding and ..wait..WHY THE HELL AM I DESCRIBING MY BUTT NOW?!
Let me recompose myself..what i truly MEANT was...u're only a fashion victim if you follow the trends blindly and assume that we have to follow every single piece of fashion rule out there. I know VPL is a big No NO but frankly speaking, being sexy doesn't always equate to no VPL but a whole lot of other stuffs. Trust me, it is not sexy when you attempt to wear that g string and then constantly tug at it coz you don't feel comfortable in it. At the very least, it helps to wear fitting undergarments..or even any outfit that we put on, they must fit us well. Forget about trying to squeeze two sizes two small or two sizes too big as we only end up 'so not us'. Then in the end, we don't wear them coz we just don't feel comfortable in them and they only end up as 'extras' in our wardrobe. Heh....for me, I don't mind hand me down clothes even if they have been worn before but still in good condition coz one thing, im a cheapo so it helps to cut down on my expenses and the second thing is that, Im adding something new to my wardrobe that will look nice on me but I never thought of it. I used to have a phobia of wearing dresses coz u know why? I would only end up looking like a huge potato sack...wait..a TALL and huge potato sack that has been fully filled up with potatoes especially in the middle section. Then now, I was thinking it wouldn't be that bad but still in the 'not satisfied' category...(it's a woman thing). I keep forgetting to try them on whenever im outside just browsing through coz I always end up in the bias cut skirt sections..heh..I can't help it! Im such a 'skirtie' person. Anyway i took some snapshots of me wearing it and even though, i still think that I ought to lose a bit more weight before actually wearing it out, im pretty contented posing in one..hehe..
Haiz, still it beats wearing the pants yesterday which the same friend gave to me coz it was rather translucent and obviously can see the silhoutte of my panties. I didn't do that on purpose but hey, one needs to wear 'something' underneath right? My blouse was pretty long enough and black coloured but you know the deal at times when it gets hike up behind like after you sit or bend down for example. K so im aware that it hiked up and I would pull it down a bit but if I do it all the time, like duh obviously...people are going to get oh so curious! Frankly speaking eh, you wear or you dont wear undergarments, men when they're bored/married/engaged/old and dying will still look around and feast their eyes on unsuspecting victims. Remember they think of sex every 8 seconds. Yah, it's a cruel joke on them.
Gosh, there are so many things that I want to write about but I don't want this to be one hell of a long draggy entry. See, that's what happens whenever I put on hold blogging even over a mere number of days. I haven't begun on my frustrations on yours truly for not making an effort like the previous time when I borrowed a book on dreamweaver. Come on, Rhayu and do something useful with ur life! Geesh..
Okay, photo fest! The top below which I jz couldnt resist buying from Fox was the kind of blouse I had always wanted. I dunno..I jz like the kimono kind of look..hehe..
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