Hope and Forgiveness
I just saw this episode on Ghost Whisperer which was so emotional that I couldn't help but cry myself silly. Despite its slow ratings back then in America where apparently hot housewives seemed more likely to garner higher viewership or people lost forever on an island seemed to be more interesting, I don't care. One thing the show did show to mere mortals like me that when you have the chance to still be here, then treasure every single moment. I was having a bad day earlier on and was so sad yet mad at the same time I actually shed a tear in the bus..and man I was hoping the woman beside me was sleeping or distracted. I just felt that I was being pressurized by a mistake I made that no matter how I tried to explain my side of story, it wouldn't even matter anyway coz you know why? I had to write a freakin report that would go straight into my personal file. I had one of that report already in my file and in any case, apologies or feelings of remorse would not have made any difference coz of my department's straight thinking to finish the programme whether or not the people doing the job slog at it. Sometimes i feel like Im such a robot doing things that are rather mechanical and if not for some of my colleagues or seeing how some of them got it far worse than me, I would be in tears for not being able to do anything to change the situation.
However, I didn't feel like I was being applauded for my on going efforts to try to keep the team away from trouble by doing the job properly and with honesty. It wouldnt matter that all this time as they tried to deter us from taking frequent medical leaves, here I am on without any mc this year and guess what? They had to rub it in by giving the award to someone who has a checkered record of medical leaves but was deserving of it coz she smiles a lot and is friendly. What gives? She got the award a second time due to that and with over 40 staff, there seems to be a repeat of award recipients. But you know what? It wouldn't have mattered anyway. I know I can never be promoted as I have not made any major contributions to the department or vocalise anything that can be of any benefit despite making 6 successful suggestions through the system. But I cared more about keeping a clean track record and then I had to stain it...dammit! You know how angry I feel? I don't know if I should be angry with them for being so obssessive over this report writing thing or angry with myself for still being here and not moving forward in terms of career. I know that I can never advance in this department and it is not because I didn't think that I was not capable. It's just that there is no sense of respect given around here and all they cared for are statistics, statistics and statistics!!! Might as well give them the finger and make a statistic out of it.
Just as I thought that I should start doing some soul searching, I watched this show and actually, I almost missed the episode. The main lead in this show is the buxom Jennifer Love Hewitt who has the ability to talk to ghosts and who would go the way of helping them to solve the issues that kept them earth bound instead of stepping into the white light. Sounds complicated? You watch Sixth Sense? Well, there you go. Except this time Jennifer has not been caught drunk driving like the lead in Sixth Sense recently.
Why I almost missed this episode coz I almost forgot and also, I recapped the trailer and it showed this heavily tatooed man who has become a ghost to be haunting her and her husband in their home. It looked as if the man was rather evil coz he didn't smile and her husband was as if swinging his baseball bat around to hit him blindly. But when I turned on the tv, it came to the part where Jennifer's character was demanding an answer as to why he was terrorising them. Then it hit me. My eyes were tearing up as he was telling his sad story which began with a botched robber at a bank where he was aiming his gun but unfortunately, it went off and hit an innocent man passing by. He was eventually caught and it was in prison that he felt remorseful someone died in his hands. He felt that he had thrown away his life just like that even though he had a beautiful wife who loved him and a son whom he had never seen before but fell in love with him the moment he saw him at the door of his house as a very young boy. He was asked to leave by his wife for constantly being in trouble and she didn't want their son to end up like that. His son didn't even know of his existence because she also didn't want him to know what kind of father he was. He was determined to make it good if he leaves the prison and the images of his son kept playing in his mind and he wanted so much for them to be a family again and to get back his wife's love for him.
Upon his release, he was asked to do something bad again by a prison mate but he refused as he wanted to leave his past behind for the sake of his family. However, he met his death on the way back as he rode on his motorbike and was knocked down by a road bully. He died but before that, the last person he saw was the ghost whisperer's husband who was working as a paramedic. Somehow, he started haunting him which made her to believe that he was just disturbing his peace but he didn't want him. He just wanted to get to her because he knew of her ability in the hospital as she was trying to search for something to help another lost soul.
What got me was how he wanted to apologise to the family of the man he had accidentally killed and the fact that he died without being able to change for the better, seriously made me so sad about it. He is destined to be a wandering soul who is still bounded by the same strong human feelings before his death. He could neither go to the spirit world or go back to earth and it will be one very long journey of loneliness. To me, I just felt that I didn't want to end up being in such a situation and one may think that upon death, our soul will be gone for good but what if we're stuck here on this very ground and then being able to see our loved ones but not able to touch them, to laugh with them or to cry with them. They could not see us but may be able to feel our presence only and that is very sad as if there is a barrier between us and there is no way that barrier can be broken down.
To cut the story short, the dead man's family was not willing to apologise which didnt allow him to set him free from earth in which he disappeared in anger in a thick black smoke. However, just as they thought that at least they had tried to help but there was nothing they could do to change that family's mind, he came back. He said that he didn't blame the old couple for not being able to forgive him and not allowing his soul to be let free. However, he continued to regret not being able to see his son which he thinks of all the time and right now, he felt so lonely and lost all hope as he didn't think his son would be able to forgive him either.
What changed his mind later was how the ghost whisperer tried to convince him that he should not give up on hope as chances are, his son may be able to forgive him and he would not be left wandering in loneliness anymore. Towards the end of the show, it was so emotional because he didn't expect his very own son to call the police which let to his arrest but he didn't blame him
as to him, it was the best thing his son had done to protect his mother. However, his son was angry with himself because he felt that he was responsible for causing his death upon leaving the prison. I totally lost it when his son who didn't believe that his daddy's soul was in the very room that they were in cried when the whisperer gave him the right answer as to what the tattoo was behind his dad's left ear. I just cried with them because even after what he had done to cause anger and hardship to them, they were able to forgive him as they had never stopped loving him even as a wife or as his son. To them, it mattered that upon his death, he wanted to change for them but unfortunately, met with a cruel twist of fate. Even though it was too late to bring him back, he was very happy nevertheless and he told his son to be a good boy to his mother and he can help him to make things right by helping the old couple to experience happiness once again. He wanted him to pay a visit to them and to be like the son they had lost. However, he must help them without telling that he was the son of the man who killed their son.
As they cried in his loss, the dead man's soul finally completed his mission upon his death through forgiveness and went up to heavens. All this while, the show had also taught me one thing that as much as you think that you have never been loved or appreciated before, and no matter how evil you have been in life, once you learn to let go of the negative emotions, you will know that people do still care about you. It makes me think I don't want it to be too late before finding it out. Like I would think that my mother doesn't love me or how life can be so unfair to me at times, that I am just so emotionally drained just thinking about it, we should not keep any negative feelings inside of us. We're all human beings prone to make mistakes in our life and if we do, it wouldn't mean that it is the end of the world already. True like in the dead man's case, the couple thought that even with forgiveness, it would not bring their son back. But we shouln't lose hope. In their case, they were about to receive the company of a child determined to bring happiness back in their life. For the dead man, he was blessed with a son who did not end up like him but chose to protect his mother from danger even if that danger was in the form of his own father.
I would say don't dwell on the past. Pick up a few life lessons on the way and bring these valuable lessons with you wherever you go. Start life anew if you must because even if the world has not ended yet, it doesn't mean that we will carry on living forever either. Treasure life before it is too late and it may not be fair to us sometimes, but most of the time, it can also enrich us with heapful of rewards that we forget why we were so miserable in the first place. Trust me, I have gone through phases in life where I just felt so completely useless and miserable. But I managed to overcome them once I try to slowly clear my negative thoughts and I see the rainbow behind a cloudy and stormy day. Wishin' you all the best in whatever you have set your heart on.
However, I didn't feel like I was being applauded for my on going efforts to try to keep the team away from trouble by doing the job properly and with honesty. It wouldnt matter that all this time as they tried to deter us from taking frequent medical leaves, here I am on without any mc this year and guess what? They had to rub it in by giving the award to someone who has a checkered record of medical leaves but was deserving of it coz she smiles a lot and is friendly. What gives? She got the award a second time due to that and with over 40 staff, there seems to be a repeat of award recipients. But you know what? It wouldn't have mattered anyway. I know I can never be promoted as I have not made any major contributions to the department or vocalise anything that can be of any benefit despite making 6 successful suggestions through the system. But I cared more about keeping a clean track record and then I had to stain it...dammit! You know how angry I feel? I don't know if I should be angry with them for being so obssessive over this report writing thing or angry with myself for still being here and not moving forward in terms of career. I know that I can never advance in this department and it is not because I didn't think that I was not capable. It's just that there is no sense of respect given around here and all they cared for are statistics, statistics and statistics!!! Might as well give them the finger and make a statistic out of it.
Just as I thought that I should start doing some soul searching, I watched this show and actually, I almost missed the episode. The main lead in this show is the buxom Jennifer Love Hewitt who has the ability to talk to ghosts and who would go the way of helping them to solve the issues that kept them earth bound instead of stepping into the white light. Sounds complicated? You watch Sixth Sense? Well, there you go. Except this time Jennifer has not been caught drunk driving like the lead in Sixth Sense recently.
Why I almost missed this episode coz I almost forgot and also, I recapped the trailer and it showed this heavily tatooed man who has become a ghost to be haunting her and her husband in their home. It looked as if the man was rather evil coz he didn't smile and her husband was as if swinging his baseball bat around to hit him blindly. But when I turned on the tv, it came to the part where Jennifer's character was demanding an answer as to why he was terrorising them. Then it hit me. My eyes were tearing up as he was telling his sad story which began with a botched robber at a bank where he was aiming his gun but unfortunately, it went off and hit an innocent man passing by. He was eventually caught and it was in prison that he felt remorseful someone died in his hands. He felt that he had thrown away his life just like that even though he had a beautiful wife who loved him and a son whom he had never seen before but fell in love with him the moment he saw him at the door of his house as a very young boy. He was asked to leave by his wife for constantly being in trouble and she didn't want their son to end up like that. His son didn't even know of his existence because she also didn't want him to know what kind of father he was. He was determined to make it good if he leaves the prison and the images of his son kept playing in his mind and he wanted so much for them to be a family again and to get back his wife's love for him.
Upon his release, he was asked to do something bad again by a prison mate but he refused as he wanted to leave his past behind for the sake of his family. However, he met his death on the way back as he rode on his motorbike and was knocked down by a road bully. He died but before that, the last person he saw was the ghost whisperer's husband who was working as a paramedic. Somehow, he started haunting him which made her to believe that he was just disturbing his peace but he didn't want him. He just wanted to get to her because he knew of her ability in the hospital as she was trying to search for something to help another lost soul.
What got me was how he wanted to apologise to the family of the man he had accidentally killed and the fact that he died without being able to change for the better, seriously made me so sad about it. He is destined to be a wandering soul who is still bounded by the same strong human feelings before his death. He could neither go to the spirit world or go back to earth and it will be one very long journey of loneliness. To me, I just felt that I didn't want to end up being in such a situation and one may think that upon death, our soul will be gone for good but what if we're stuck here on this very ground and then being able to see our loved ones but not able to touch them, to laugh with them or to cry with them. They could not see us but may be able to feel our presence only and that is very sad as if there is a barrier between us and there is no way that barrier can be broken down.
To cut the story short, the dead man's family was not willing to apologise which didnt allow him to set him free from earth in which he disappeared in anger in a thick black smoke. However, just as they thought that at least they had tried to help but there was nothing they could do to change that family's mind, he came back. He said that he didn't blame the old couple for not being able to forgive him and not allowing his soul to be let free. However, he continued to regret not being able to see his son which he thinks of all the time and right now, he felt so lonely and lost all hope as he didn't think his son would be able to forgive him either.
What changed his mind later was how the ghost whisperer tried to convince him that he should not give up on hope as chances are, his son may be able to forgive him and he would not be left wandering in loneliness anymore. Towards the end of the show, it was so emotional because he didn't expect his very own son to call the police which let to his arrest but he didn't blame him
as to him, it was the best thing his son had done to protect his mother. However, his son was angry with himself because he felt that he was responsible for causing his death upon leaving the prison. I totally lost it when his son who didn't believe that his daddy's soul was in the very room that they were in cried when the whisperer gave him the right answer as to what the tattoo was behind his dad's left ear. I just cried with them because even after what he had done to cause anger and hardship to them, they were able to forgive him as they had never stopped loving him even as a wife or as his son. To them, it mattered that upon his death, he wanted to change for them but unfortunately, met with a cruel twist of fate. Even though it was too late to bring him back, he was very happy nevertheless and he told his son to be a good boy to his mother and he can help him to make things right by helping the old couple to experience happiness once again. He wanted him to pay a visit to them and to be like the son they had lost. However, he must help them without telling that he was the son of the man who killed their son.
As they cried in his loss, the dead man's soul finally completed his mission upon his death through forgiveness and went up to heavens. All this while, the show had also taught me one thing that as much as you think that you have never been loved or appreciated before, and no matter how evil you have been in life, once you learn to let go of the negative emotions, you will know that people do still care about you. It makes me think I don't want it to be too late before finding it out. Like I would think that my mother doesn't love me or how life can be so unfair to me at times, that I am just so emotionally drained just thinking about it, we should not keep any negative feelings inside of us. We're all human beings prone to make mistakes in our life and if we do, it wouldn't mean that it is the end of the world already. True like in the dead man's case, the couple thought that even with forgiveness, it would not bring their son back. But we shouln't lose hope. In their case, they were about to receive the company of a child determined to bring happiness back in their life. For the dead man, he was blessed with a son who did not end up like him but chose to protect his mother from danger even if that danger was in the form of his own father.
I would say don't dwell on the past. Pick up a few life lessons on the way and bring these valuable lessons with you wherever you go. Start life anew if you must because even if the world has not ended yet, it doesn't mean that we will carry on living forever either. Treasure life before it is too late and it may not be fair to us sometimes, but most of the time, it can also enrich us with heapful of rewards that we forget why we were so miserable in the first place. Trust me, I have gone through phases in life where I just felt so completely useless and miserable. But I managed to overcome them once I try to slowly clear my negative thoughts and I see the rainbow behind a cloudy and stormy day. Wishin' you all the best in whatever you have set your heart on.
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