Why Cant We See Ourselves?
i know no one really reads my blog..haha..but what the heck..sometimes im shy to write stuffs here as I didn't wanna sound 'obvious' or what or be labelled a whiny cow..haha..!! anyway..nolah, I am not gonna whine. so far, I am not whining yet...BUT..i jz realise how my 'emotional streaks' have gotten worse to err...a head of dyed hair!
aiyah..its been like that for so long already and inborne in me already if I dont like about something or what someone says..i would..like what some people say....easily 'offended'. I dont show it lah..but if I do...I will be so 'extra' sulky! Arggh....!! what's going on with you, rahayu?!!!
someone says something unpleasurable..and I'm like..thats it..I am officially angry! I am not gonna look at the person's face..I am not gonna look at anyone..I am just gonna look at the floor, and the floor and nothing but the floor! hahaha..yeah, something like that lah. Or I'll just give this ultra black face showing my displeasure and this stupid frown on my face that give people instant..'eh? wah..what happened? never see her like that before!'...haiz...i mean i know i shouldnt take to heart certain comments but I flare up at comments that are totally redundant..illogical...and the people who convey such comments say them with either a straight face, deliberately want to see how i react when angry or they think they so freakin' clever..but dont worry, I overcome such unexpected black mood easily. And im back to my perky self..and the ones who experienced this 'black face' of mine will tell me how scared they are..haha..nolah, i wont eat you up! at most, just bite onlie..
anyhow..im still lagging behind in terms of planning on my future but come to think of it yeah..even if i plan little by little, it's still some kind of planning. so i decide to break it up in smaller number of years so easier to achieve. if i cant think so far ahead in the future, i might as well deal the present first. ok..like what i have said previously, i just want to go that 5 lessons web interactivity course at a local c.c. and also i want to learn driving. having been at work all this time and then leaving after 5.30 onlie which leaves me no time to apply for the ahem..advanced test (yeah lah! i know slow!!..), guess i'll just take the opportunity this monday lah when I go on half day.
Haiz..supposed to be a full day but some lazy bugger, just HAD to make use of the opportunity to have me cover her stupid saturday duty..of which F.Y.I., is officially her first day of work on a sat. I didnt want to cover lah at first and I can come up with some reason citing that I had other plans so she had to bug someone else instead. Also I was super offended when I asker how come like u know...jz basically want to know why lah...i cant just 'ok!' like that..if not, she'll step on my head knowing what kind of character she is. And she had the cheek to say to me that I am her cover what!
Eh..cover doesnt mean u can apply my service as when you require. Argh..I just KNEW I had to cover her eventually knowing what kind of a lazy bugger she is!!!!! Anyway, against people's wishes, I just ok-ed lah giving her just this chance but maybe no longer next time. I cant be doing her work okay?! I had my turn already and it was already torturous, thank u very much. She had yet to experience even one! the nerves.....................not in regards to this, but over her stupid reason after I ok-ed her. Say she had already planned to go on an outing with her family so she tot if she had to work in the morning then she'll be tired in the afternoon. Like hello? I do what at home? Wait for the sky to fall ah..no need to go out also? Then all this time, i work on Saturdays...I go home all perky with not a single bit of tiredness in me, is it? Anyhow, I am her designated 'cover' so I cant say no..but just time round, since my supervisor had also said in the meeting earlier can swop with someone due to work in the later work. So, it's fairer lah..especially in some cases where what..she just do two, but I do FOUR?! i mean being her cover and also during that previous times when I did my share of duties..in all the 3 months.
Tsk..dunno how I am gonna work with her in the field..but u know what?!! I am so lucky to have to have my two bestest pals in my team!! woohoo!!! They are a lot older than me but they're so fun to be with..coz they dont have this 'air' in them where they get offended easily and they put the 'fun' in our work.
Okaylah, I want to talk on a more general basis. I guess..we share the same thoughts like you know..we dont always get the people we want to work with..all the time. You get the good..and you get the bad. It's just how you view the situation or how you work around it. Yeah, it's so hard to digest at first and you get all sorts of imaginations in you like how are you gonna deal with it or even accept it. but work is work I guess..I mean of coz, everybody wants to be treated fairly and with some kind of respect. We dont expect to be doing all the work especially if we have to work in teams. But we cannot just keep quiet also if we tend to be easily 'pushed' around. It's either you deal with the situation...gently tell off the person..or remind the member how we have to share the workload fairly.
Then again, talk is cheap lah...action speaks louder than words. Easier said than done..but I learn that we cant always give in to people's demands all the time just coz they dont 'feel' like doing it coz it's so 'stupid' or 'lame'. But if they dont wanna do..we dont wanna do...then what? we just stare at each other? I dont want to work for nothing lah..might as well go to the streets and beg.
We cant harbour angry thoughts in ourself and then harbour all bad feelings and resent everyone coz we think they're all the same. I guess the best way is to deal with the situation in a manner we find less 'damaging' and less 'messy' without offending anyone in the process. Onlie we ourselves know what that solution may be coz every situation is unique. I guess sometimes, we have to remind people gently if at some point, they are not able to judge for themselves. I mean, all of us lah actually..of coz lah we think we are right but in the eyes of others...it's just the selfish side of us talking.
Like I watched television just now (surprisingly..since today is not CSI:Miami day..haha..) and the girl, in tears, told the brother that true, we must think about ourselves but we have to think of others too..and the deed is twice greater than if we just think about our needs. We think about how others are like this..like that.....but do we ever think about how others feel about us? We think negative things but the negativity in us can overpower the logical side of us and then we feel bitter and think that everyone is evil.
Sometimes, I feel sad lah. I somehow am often caught in the middle...meaning that I hear two sides of the table. I guess thats why I can be rather emotional lah..hehe.....but maybe it's just fate lah. Dunno..maybe it's because i'm rather 'neutral' lah when it comes to situations like this like I dont take sides. But on a personal note, I do carry thoughts lah like I wish that person A should see the other side of story from person B and maybe..dont be so selfish sometimes. Maybe person B isn't all that bad..person A is looking at it on a 'face value' like see all the filth on top but fails to see the purity underneath it. But on the other hand, maybe person A must make an effort too because hey..... the last thing we want is to be wrongly accused or onlie have our 'bad' side magnified to ten times but our good side? It's like as if it never existed although most of the time, we are showing our good side or what..
I mean seriously lah..Im kinda tired of all this nonsense lah but I guess, it's just human nature. If you ask me also..of coz I will not say I am at fault..but maybe im more reflective some time later..that at times, it takes two hands to clap. Truth hurts sometimes and can be difficult to swallow...but they can also make us stronger. Onlie thing is..how much of the truth that we are able to handle.
Sad ah..if you understand what I am trying to say. Why must we always think negatively...why can't we see a glimmer of hope behind something...why cant we think after a cloudy or stormy day, is a bright sunny day? why must we condemn someone of his or her wrongdoings for the longest time when it has just been performed once..and then all the love..all the friendship..all the joy and sorrow we experience together are forgotten...just like that? why must we always talk about people behind their backs when upfront, we aren't that nice either?
Anyhow, the answers can be right under our nose but we dont want to sniff them. But it is up to the individuals lah...well, that's just a thought lah..or wishful thinking..I dunno...
aiyah..its been like that for so long already and inborne in me already if I dont like about something or what someone says..i would..like what some people say....easily 'offended'. I dont show it lah..but if I do...I will be so 'extra' sulky! Arggh....!! what's going on with you, rahayu?!!!
someone says something unpleasurable..and I'm like..thats it..I am officially angry! I am not gonna look at the person's face..I am not gonna look at anyone..I am just gonna look at the floor, and the floor and nothing but the floor! hahaha..yeah, something like that lah. Or I'll just give this ultra black face showing my displeasure and this stupid frown on my face that give people instant..'eh? wah..what happened? never see her like that before!'...haiz...i mean i know i shouldnt take to heart certain comments but I flare up at comments that are totally redundant..illogical...and the people who convey such comments say them with either a straight face, deliberately want to see how i react when angry or they think they so freakin' clever..but dont worry, I overcome such unexpected black mood easily. And im back to my perky self..and the ones who experienced this 'black face' of mine will tell me how scared they are..haha..nolah, i wont eat you up! at most, just bite onlie..
anyhow..im still lagging behind in terms of planning on my future but come to think of it yeah..even if i plan little by little, it's still some kind of planning. so i decide to break it up in smaller number of years so easier to achieve. if i cant think so far ahead in the future, i might as well deal the present first. ok..like what i have said previously, i just want to go that 5 lessons web interactivity course at a local c.c. and also i want to learn driving. having been at work all this time and then leaving after 5.30 onlie which leaves me no time to apply for the ahem..advanced test (yeah lah! i know slow!!..), guess i'll just take the opportunity this monday lah when I go on half day.
Haiz..supposed to be a full day but some lazy bugger, just HAD to make use of the opportunity to have me cover her stupid saturday duty..of which F.Y.I., is officially her first day of work on a sat. I didnt want to cover lah at first and I can come up with some reason citing that I had other plans so she had to bug someone else instead. Also I was super offended when I asker how come like u know...jz basically want to know why lah...i cant just 'ok!' like that..if not, she'll step on my head knowing what kind of character she is. And she had the cheek to say to me that I am her cover what!
Eh..cover doesnt mean u can apply my service as when you require. Argh..I just KNEW I had to cover her eventually knowing what kind of a lazy bugger she is!!!!! Anyway, against people's wishes, I just ok-ed lah giving her just this chance but maybe no longer next time. I cant be doing her work okay?! I had my turn already and it was already torturous, thank u very much. She had yet to experience even one! the nerves.....................not in regards to this, but over her stupid reason after I ok-ed her. Say she had already planned to go on an outing with her family so she tot if she had to work in the morning then she'll be tired in the afternoon. Like hello? I do what at home? Wait for the sky to fall ah..no need to go out also? Then all this time, i work on Saturdays...I go home all perky with not a single bit of tiredness in me, is it? Anyhow, I am her designated 'cover' so I cant say no..but just time round, since my supervisor had also said in the meeting earlier can swop with someone due to work in the later work. So, it's fairer lah..especially in some cases where what..she just do two, but I do FOUR?! i mean being her cover and also during that previous times when I did my share of duties..in all the 3 months.
Tsk..dunno how I am gonna work with her in the field..but u know what?!! I am so lucky to have to have my two bestest pals in my team!! woohoo!!! They are a lot older than me but they're so fun to be with..coz they dont have this 'air' in them where they get offended easily and they put the 'fun' in our work.
Okaylah, I want to talk on a more general basis. I guess..we share the same thoughts like you know..we dont always get the people we want to work with..all the time. You get the good..and you get the bad. It's just how you view the situation or how you work around it. Yeah, it's so hard to digest at first and you get all sorts of imaginations in you like how are you gonna deal with it or even accept it. but work is work I guess..I mean of coz, everybody wants to be treated fairly and with some kind of respect. We dont expect to be doing all the work especially if we have to work in teams. But we cannot just keep quiet also if we tend to be easily 'pushed' around. It's either you deal with the situation...gently tell off the person..or remind the member how we have to share the workload fairly.
Then again, talk is cheap lah...action speaks louder than words. Easier said than done..but I learn that we cant always give in to people's demands all the time just coz they dont 'feel' like doing it coz it's so 'stupid' or 'lame'. But if they dont wanna do..we dont wanna do...then what? we just stare at each other? I dont want to work for nothing lah..might as well go to the streets and beg.
We cant harbour angry thoughts in ourself and then harbour all bad feelings and resent everyone coz we think they're all the same. I guess the best way is to deal with the situation in a manner we find less 'damaging' and less 'messy' without offending anyone in the process. Onlie we ourselves know what that solution may be coz every situation is unique. I guess sometimes, we have to remind people gently if at some point, they are not able to judge for themselves. I mean, all of us lah actually..of coz lah we think we are right but in the eyes of others...it's just the selfish side of us talking.
Like I watched television just now (surprisingly..since today is not CSI:Miami day..haha..) and the girl, in tears, told the brother that true, we must think about ourselves but we have to think of others too..and the deed is twice greater than if we just think about our needs. We think about how others are like this..like that.....but do we ever think about how others feel about us? We think negative things but the negativity in us can overpower the logical side of us and then we feel bitter and think that everyone is evil.
Sometimes, I feel sad lah. I somehow am often caught in the middle...meaning that I hear two sides of the table. I guess thats why I can be rather emotional lah..hehe.....but maybe it's just fate lah. Dunno..maybe it's because i'm rather 'neutral' lah when it comes to situations like this like I dont take sides. But on a personal note, I do carry thoughts lah like I wish that person A should see the other side of story from person B and maybe..dont be so selfish sometimes. Maybe person B isn't all that bad..person A is looking at it on a 'face value' like see all the filth on top but fails to see the purity underneath it. But on the other hand, maybe person A must make an effort too because hey..... the last thing we want is to be wrongly accused or onlie have our 'bad' side magnified to ten times but our good side? It's like as if it never existed although most of the time, we are showing our good side or what..
I mean seriously lah..Im kinda tired of all this nonsense lah but I guess, it's just human nature. If you ask me also..of coz I will not say I am at fault..but maybe im more reflective some time later..that at times, it takes two hands to clap. Truth hurts sometimes and can be difficult to swallow...but they can also make us stronger. Onlie thing is..how much of the truth that we are able to handle.
Sad ah..if you understand what I am trying to say. Why must we always think negatively...why can't we see a glimmer of hope behind something...why cant we think after a cloudy or stormy day, is a bright sunny day? why must we condemn someone of his or her wrongdoings for the longest time when it has just been performed once..and then all the love..all the friendship..all the joy and sorrow we experience together are forgotten...just like that? why must we always talk about people behind their backs when upfront, we aren't that nice either?
Anyhow, the answers can be right under our nose but we dont want to sniff them. But it is up to the individuals lah...well, that's just a thought lah..or wishful thinking..I dunno...
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