"Wah..wat a week! And I am not even done yet!"

Hi!

First of all..i wanna wish all teachers happy teachers' day!..man..how i wish i am a teacher..haha....i've always wanted to be one and though i have been rejected before..and believe me..the feeling was NOT good...i really want to try again. Maybe it's my true calling? But of course lah...to others...they can't imagine ME being a teacher as i'm so 'soft' and can be so easily bullied by others..coz i dare not say against them....WAH..talk about being a role model to the poor students. Well...what motivates me is that...I have never been seen as someone 'important' enough.....I have onlie been seen as someone u can easily step on or someone with no self motivation or no self defence of one's rights. I want to be treated as me.....I want people to..for once...look up at me....and see me as someone they can rely on as a form of good influence on their lives. As for me..I want to be seen as the main motivator for my students to do something about their lives and not waste it..like how i wasted mine. I'd like to have a role like that...something like the start of a domino effect..i do good to people..other people do good to other people and so on. ANd i like to share knowledge with people so that they will learn something new jz as how i aim to learn something new everyday. For once..I want people to respect me....someone to look up to at the same ground level as them...not someone they think they can push around.

I tell ya..these wk has been a trying week for me...I dunno whether i should feel this way or that way.....though sometimes i tell myself..life is sometimes not perfect. But when you least expected it, something good comes out from it. LIke you think...aiyah..i have no friends...or say..my own ex schoolmates whom now i consider as friends..onlie call me if they need technical help for their computer or something..then, jz as u thought..eh tot they forget about me....they start telling you all these technical stuffs relating to their pc and i'd be like...'oh................okay..i tot wat' like..DUH...so likely of them to call jz for that. But being me.....i have this tendency to look at the positive side of things.....so one hand...i get to test my knowledge on I.T. or perhaps learn something new from it. So that's one thing good because people will have a bit of respect for me..considering how i try to help them. But on the other hand...I really think it isn't quite nice of them to onlie think of my existence if they want me to help them solve their I.T. problems. But you know..that's people. They onlie come to you if they want something that will benefit them. After they get the answers from you...you are nothing but a useless piece of junk that's not worth talking at all. Or they're probably talk to ya in a manner not befitting of you...example....as if 'scolding' you even if they think that you are actually alrite with it..And they don't bother to say even 'hi' to you and start nitpicking on whatever you do. It's saddening lah but there are worse people out there...that perhaps i'm lucky enough never to encounter before. You see...that's the positive side of me saying again..haiz..

So..okay...now I..unfortunately...has been selected as the WITs leader ever since that stupid gal quit her job...of which one of the reasons is probably she don't want to help this WITs project. But I try to see it as a new form of challenge...jz as I watch donald trump's The Apprentice every week...I strive to do the best and then who knows..this task can help people to see me in a different light..and as for me...i get to 'stretch' my capabilities...? Like I am always the 'follower' and that's why people can easily bully me so being a 'leader' for once...people may take a step back a bit..and then give me some due respect? hahahhahahahaha...wishful thinking! Once people already know what kind of character I am......you think it's easy for them to suddenly see me as someone capable jz coz i'm a bloody 'leader'? Puhlease............people's mentality is hard to change. But it's okay.....I dont expect them to treat me as one also......i'm jz too easy going to be deemed as an appropriate leader....hahaha....i'm forever rahayu the soft spoken gal...to them.

Like okay...we had four meetings so far...and I cannot deny that i'm struggling with this new task especially if I haven't done that much research. For me..if I want to be able to hold a good meeting..I should start the ball rolling and then knows where the ball is going to roll too..if u know what i mean. that way...i'm not wasting time..and the faster we can complete it..the faster we can relax one corner..and the faster i can get away from this leadership post. And then i don't have to constantly psyche myself to be in the leadership mode. And so far...yesterday's meeting..I was actually prepared..I did a bit of reading around an unearthly hour....jz so that i know where we can focus on..once the meeting starts. So...that way too...people will be more motivated coz a good leader should motivate their team members so that they can be more productive. That will definitely benefit the whole team...

But today's one...i think due to my over enthusiasm....I actually was unprepared as there was last minute changes. Oh..I learn from my mistake..that I should always be two steps ahead of my team mates..jz in case this step doesn't work...and so i shall move on to the next step. Thus...the second half of the meeting..we weren't that productive..as I didn't have answers ready at my fingertips if say...people are stumped as to deriving ideas...or I know the diagram well enough to have a better focus on. But it's okay..like I said...there's always something to learn.

Then...of course..it's pretty evident everywhere that you can't get everyone's attention at bay or be at least contributive. For me..it's not a big deal lah...though initially I was quite saddened by it lah. Like..here we are......thinking hard as to find the cause and effect..and there you are talking loudly..as if we are not working our ass off here. I mean..i know they are not part of the group officially lah though I jz onlie included one of them as she had been working with us most of the time eversince she joined us. It's not as if I am against them talking or something but it's not really appropriate to like laugh so loudly or talk so loudly as SHE knows she don't have to contribute anythinglah since this project has nothing to do with her anyway. I think it's freakin' rude. Eurgh....But you know..one of the things I learn from the leadership course is that...though not all can be contributive..what is more important are those that contribute....because some ideas are better than no ideas......and u can always improvise. In other words..as long as most of the people are interested or contribute.....then it is good enough. And of course..there are always the 'thing' when they don't really do much..but in the end..have the same percentage as those who work their brains out to produce this project. Who says the world is fair?!

Actually...I'm also quite disappointed with myself that yes...again due to my overenthusiasm...I have made the mistake of not going through the questions first and then checking it with the facilitator but went straight to the printing machine and then printing out 50 copies. Big mistake lah..coz the questions lacked of substance though the ideas were there. I didn't know how it could have slipped my mind to go through the questions again...but nevermind..the matter has been rectified. I took the trouble to rewrite the questions with the help of the internet. Then..type it out.....show to my colleague if it was better...then let the facilitator see after consulting with one of the ex leader whether i should show him first before printing. See..another thing also...i should also learn from those who have the experience as they probably know better too.

I onlie came to my realisation when one of my colleagues never really say how 'lame' the questions were until i kinda asked what she thought of the questions. At first she didnt say anything lah during the meeting when I asked her but knowing her..I asked her again out of the meeting if really...the questions were not up to par. Though I did...for that few seconds..twice in fact...like hey..I haven't even went through this thing but proceeded on to photocopying since I am already holding the key box. As for my colleague..who expressed her concern over the questions later.....like I said..there's always something good out of something or someone such as I am thankful that she can be very efficient when it comes to doing paperwork...and she was kind enough to type out the survey questions and change them wherever necessary. Then she also helped to photocopy the survey.

Wah..so many things to learn! But like I said..i'm up to the challenge..jz as how every week..one of the members in The Apprentice has to take up the position of a Project Manager to get a feel of 'leadership'.

I am glad that I have the support of my colleagues in a variety of ways..I want thank u all for my job easier..and I will try my best to make ur job easier too. well..like I said..i wanna make this project smooth sailing as well as i want to get rid of it quickly too lah..hehe...

see ya!

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