The Struggles I have & The Strength to Move On

I have no right to comment on people's lives and how they manage their money. If they need advice, I can give because I don't want them to learn the mistakes I did back then in 2011 which continues to haunt me until now. At that time, prices were increasing while my pay remained stagnant. It was so hard that I was thinking why am I even on this face of the earth and feeling like a complete failure to the family because I was so hard up on cash.

Fast forward now. While I am still struggling, I have been mindful but I long to get out of this debt trap. I do. But reading inspirational stories all around, of people with the same struggles as me, it is possible to start all over again. You also have to establish what are the things that matter to you more, rather than buying for the sake of buying. And not to continue shooting ourselves in the foot by continuing to be in an even heavier debt than we are before. 

Sometimes, I understand things happen like myself, getting a laptop because the one I had just couldn't function anymore. And while I do want to get one sans cash, it wasn't possible that time and I had to be in debt for it. But I got myself an installment plan that I could afford, rather than one that becomes a burden to me. Pretty much like my phone plan and while there are people who can go without tv subscription, I needed it to keep my mum occupied as she stays at home. So I got the cheapest plan without any add ons.

We all have the abilities to make choices and yes, we do make mistakes in our choices but we can always make it up by learning from it and being more careful by planning ahead. This is to ensure that we do not suffer even more in the long run. Ultimately, we want to lead better lives and have a brighter future rather than one where we wake up in the middle of the night thinking what have we done, having sleepless nights thinking how do we find the money and so on. 

I know I will find my way out of this hole. I will continue practicing what I started earlier this year. But I'm not perfect. In April, I was a tad bit careless with money but not in some big major drain in the pocket. On the hindsight, I wouldn't say it was aimless spending. It was just that I felt the guilt because I restrained myself so much for the last three months, that I jumped at the opportunity to spend a bit more than I should when I got my bonus. 

Just like what my friend said, I don't always have to be harsh on myself. It's okay to treat ourselves if we deserve it. This month, I don't have such luck with such windfall. I've kept the balance money to be used for several months which helps me to keep sane but of course, the pressure is there not to squander the money away for useless things and to keep it in a healthy balance.

I believe that we can find money when we want to. I encouraged my brother to take up part time job when he had his school holidays but he didn't have much luck but he was also busy with extra curricular activities. However, he kept the determination to help the family knowing how we struggle at times. So when he started his school, he still wanted to find a job. He got a job at Coffee Bean upon my persuasion since F&B requires people all the time.

I don't know how he is going to do it because it is one tough industry but I believe he can do it. At first I was upset when  my mum found out and didn't allow him. However, God willing, she changed her mind but still with the kind of worries only mothers will understand. I hope he didn't feel like he was doing it because I forced him. While I was momentarily angry and said words I shouldn't have said, in the end I thought that it's up to him. He still wanted to and my mum relented. 

God bless his heart for wanting to help the family. I hope that he will still keep up with his studies, this being his final year, and I will still continue to support the family in ways that I can. 

Dear God, please give me the strength to achieve great things in life and to lighten my load and my problems, not for myself only, but for the family.

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