When The World Comes Crashing Down on Me

There were many instances where I felt my world had crashed and burned to a point I entertained thoughts about how life would be like if I'm no longer around. I didn't think about how I could make the effort to turn things around as though it has come to a point where everything has become pointless. 

I've now come to the crossroad again. I thought I have things in order and I'm often scared to go back to a time I'm so poor, I had to sell my precious things off, at a mere $5 each. As though you think that was so 'peanuts', it was but it somehow added to my already small stash of cash that I have that was barely enough to top up my fare card then.

While I have not come to such a low point again, I have come close to it and I've done things that I'm not proud of. I am currently facing an undesirable financial situation, again, but I knew somehow it would catch up on me again. This month, I had to pay double my usual for the utilities bill, or risk having the electricity cut off. I had no other choice but I had to dig into my hard earned saving for the last month I made through my online shop. I was on a roll last month and I managed to save $300 after I told  myself to start saving my earnings.

Alas, the extra payment for the utilities took that earnings away and yet again, I'm back to being less financially well off. It's hard to deal with difficulties like these because it made me feel like I'm incapable of running my life. I know money isn't everything and you can have a LOT of money and still be unhappy. I'm happy if I have some money to at least last me until my next pay. I'm also trying to save up to repair my current laptop by changing the screen and I need at least $400. Now I feel like I'm going back to square one.

But I'm not giving up. It's probably a lesson to me too as I admit I was quite a spendthrift last month because I went cray cray over the discounts offered in the craft supplies stores as they were giving lucrative discounts to lure us poor customers. It didn't help too that there were many new arrivals of things from my fav manufacturers and I kept buying supplies. I went a little overboard and I also spent a bit more on food for myself, which I usually didn't because I am super stingy. 

The family situation didn't help either. While my brother would practically eat anything we give, my mum would be the one fussing over what food to give him. She is going back to the time where I often buy food from outside because she doesn't feel like cooking. It's difficult to say 'no' to her because she would make it a big deal over it like we're not giving her a break from washing our clothes for us. 

While God has been kind to me by giving me orders every week, somehow I haven't come to a point where I feel like my side income is supplementing enough. However, I know I would have to work extra hard and maybe, my current undesirable financial situation would make me work towards it and be more laser focused. 

Now that my fees are settled, my next aim is to get this laptop repaired asap and I've given the timeline to be by end of next month. I guess some things have to happen to make us wake up and look at how we're dealing with life. 

Even my world has currently crashed..again...this time round, I will rebuild it at a faster rate and with a stronger determination.

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