When Temptation is Infront of You

I have been meaning to write about this but let's say..I wasn't sure if I should write. Still, I think it is something worth writing about. 

Currently, I'm not exactly on the ball in terms of finance. As much as I try to cut down on expenses, life still goes on and I still have to pay for this and that because I have to feed my family. However, I gave up buying my favourite snacks and only buy what is necessary. Even if I go to the craft store to buy my supplies, it's only to buy things related to my online orders but I will be paid for them. Just that let's say the expenses nowadays seem to be getting faster and faster because things aren't exactly getting cheaper too. I even had to sacrifice my beloved bella box which is a monthly beauty subscription so that I am able to save $19.90 but I love their things so much, once my finances are in order I am sure to come back.

So when you're in a financial dilemma like this, it is to be tempted when money is infont of you. Except for one thing.

The money doesn't belong to you.

It happened two weeks ago. I went to the atm machine to withdraw some money but before that, a couple had just walked away from it. When I was taking out the card, I was thinking why this machine kept beeping. Then as I was about to insert the card, I realized why. The couple apparently didn't take the money and there was $100. I kinda panicked for a bit and walked away to try to see if I could find the couple. But they walked so fast I couldn't see and so I went back. The money was still there but few seconds later, the machine swallowed the money back. I was then able to use the machine to withdraw my own cash.

But it occurred to me as I was withdrawing. What if I had taken the money instead. But it was a fleeting thought because I didn't want to get into trouble. Plus, there was the security camera and I didn't want to risk that over a $100. I may be in a financial dilemma but I wasn't so desperate to resort to stealing.

However, I did few years back. It accumulated into a snowballing effect up to last year and if I had not taken the money, I would struggle big time. However, in my last attempt, I merely borrowed the money entrusted to me and had paid back using my own money when bonus comes in and it was about $300 plus. 

While at this time, my financial crisis isn't too bad and I'm still managing well, back then it was soooo hard. That is why I am so scared to fall back into that pit hole because it's not a very pleasant place to be in. Every day and every night, you're just thinking and thinking about it like how the heck I am going to survive the family for the following day when money is only this much.

However I do not want to resort to stealing because unfortunately, karma indeed bite back and I fell into a worse off position. That is why whenever I am entrusted with any amount of money, whether found or for something, I either gave it to the lost and found or to someone else for safekeeping. As much as I am in a crisis, I will not resort to stealing anymore. Even if I am left with the option of borrowing the money first, I will return it with my own money once things get better but so far this year, that hasn't occur yet.

I can imagine temptation of any kind. Food, money, love....but dealing with the consequences later is even tougher and may even cause an unpleasant mark in our life. It will stay with us throughout even when we think we have done better than this and yet, people choose to remember and even keep punishing us for this. 

I know some people may say life is short so enjoy it to the max and do the things you aren't suppose to do just to get the thrill out of it. But if is going to involve jail time, or bearing a heavy responsibility when you're not ready for it, why should you risk it. 

As for now, I will keep myself encouraged to earn money on the side and continue to be mindful of what I spend. I don't want to think too much about it but I will just have to keep moving forward and hoping things will get better.

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