Super Irritating

Why oh why do I have a mum who is super irritating when it comes to toilet hygiene and always complaining how down in the dumps her life is who always couldnt help but to regret about not making the right decisions in the past including that of marrying my father. She is just not thankful that her life is still not as bad as others and whenever I tell that other people have it worse, I would rather talk to the wall because that is what she is to me anyway.

Sometimes I also wonder if she ever hear herself talk and ever regret about it whenever she drops curse words to her own family. I believe she gets away with doing such things because if we argue against her, she will always turn back the table on us by pointing out our bad points..and oh, how miserable we make her life to be and more cursing will ensue and if shes really mad she can even get physical. Thats why I dont bother and just keep quiet because it's seriously no point...it can get out of hand like an unstoppable fire and then a cold war will ensue and then, she will make my life a living hell for as long as I dont feel like talking to her. Thats why when my friends have such cold wars with their parents, and they survive, I admire them. I could barely survive a day with my mum throwing unnecessary tantrums left, right and centre.

I know I always write about her and how I cannot take it at times, if I dont do so, I have the capability to explode and I do not want that to happen. In the past, I actually did and it got very violent and I dont think I am up for it. I would become so stark raving mad. I guess thats why I have a lot of patience in me not because I want to but usually, when things get out of control, it can be difficult to bear with the aftermath and I hate to deal with that later.

So please forgive me if you have to read such similar posts again and again because right now, it's my only outlet. I can talk to people but usually, you know how people dont quite understand your situation. But of course, I still appreciate their kind words. Oh, and at least I Know Im not going crazy yet..maybe she is..heh.