My Worst Nightmare

Update on my father: He is sick again and admitted to ICU. This being the second time, Im starting to lose confidence but I still have faith in God that he will help my father again like how he did the last time. I was afraid that this would happen and I did pray for his recovery and I am willing to do it again to save his life. But I just could not help but blame myself for stopping my prayers for his recovery when he was stable again at that time and also for not visiting him last Saturday. I could have just carried on with my train journey to Simei but i was too tired coz I was out since morning for two separate open houses.

I just could not wonder what would happen if I had visited him instead even though I know this kind of thing is unpredictable.

This morning, the doctor called again and said that he may need to be dialysed again because of the high level of toxins in his blood. But I could opt out of it and have him transferred out to normal ward where he would be given palliative care instead which practically means that there isnt much that they can do except to just reduce his pain. However, the doctor is not about to give up on him and said that at least, if he is given dialysis treatment, they are actively trying to help him in the ICU.

But she was asking why my family is hesistant to give him the treatment and I said that it would be difficult for us because Im the only sole breadwinner. Right now, medical costs aside, I just want him to go through the treatment like he did the last time because I just want him to get better. I will figure things out slowly from there with the help of the social worker.

Still, after the treatment, it is a wait and see situation but please please please...let there be a miracle and I am heavily counting on God to help my father go through this crisis. I am not willing to let my father go yet. Please God...please help me.

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