Dreamz..Weaver

So! I have been missing for a few days and nope, I haven't gone out from Singapore or anything (coz Im still not allowed to make a passport..bummer!) and yes..AS IF i have plenty of money. Okay, the truth is..I have been studying and I can hear people laughing hysterically here and there like 'RAHAYU?! STUDYING?!! bwahahahahhahahha!!!' I mean, nope..I dont mean studying in a big big way..in a new course or what. But, I am studying something that I have been putting aside all the time despite its usefulness in relation to my interest which is web design. But AS USUAL..something has to 'inspire' me and then, I'll pick up the pace from there. Since this is a new month, and also the beginning of the next half of the year, something ought to be done..such as learning a new skill. So, right now, I am learning Dreamweaver MX..the basics of it..going through chapter after..yawnz...chapter..after..zzzzzz....Oh sorry....where was I? Oh yeah, every freakin' chapter actually.


So now im at chapter 7 already which is touching on something that I know but heck, maybe it's different in Dreamweaver, who knows? The book's title is called 'Dreamweaver MX In No Time'...I mean, precisely, I dont have time for this..haha..but narh, I have to sacrifice my time after 12am which is usually spent doing other 'useful' things such as blogging. Okay, probably an average normal person would finish it seriously, in no time..as described..by the book's title. But me? In between I have to fight moments when I'll be dozing off which is equals to boredom especially when it gets rather technical. I wonder how these I.T. people can cope. No wonder many of the guys...despite being cute..with the laptop and that smart attire of them and the rather spikey hair and all..wooh!..ahem..I mean..they kinda look slightly more matured than their actual age..even the really geeky computer nerds of say..a junior college guy..they dont even look like they're in their teens.


But seriously, they're a major turn on for me. If EVER..I get to know an I.T. guy, I'll act as a bimbotic girl who is clueless and doesnt even know how to turn on the computer and let him do it for me and teach me how to email..heh heh...probably teach me how to type as well which is equivalent to him touching my hands to make sure I touch type correctly. Or touch..him..correctly.


So, I would say that Im rather proud of myself too coz I am at the chapter where I thought I will never reach. Besides, it stinks whenever you borrow books but never quite read coz the first chapter is a bore. Infact, the first two pages and i'll be sleeping on the table for two hours..haha..! And also, I made two pairs of necklaces..hehe..the first one doesnt look quite right coz it has been months since I last made anything out of my jewellery beads. But the second one, looks pretty okay. Actually, I am supposed to make it for my colleague who jz want to wear one. Supposed to give her today also but uhm..I kinda like it. Okay I like it a lot. And it'd be such a waste giving to her..haha...I told her that I want to make some more so she has a few choices...


Okay, on to more serious stuffs. Actually my dad has just been to the hospital last monday for a check up as a follow to his last hospitalisation. I mean his eye treatments, at least that's pretty okaylah..coz after subsidy it's 20 bucks..but this one? Gawd..such a killer. The medicine..the x ray..the consultation..just one freakin' visit costs almost 150. Man, do they think we print money or what? Oh yah..FYI...that's AFTER subsidy. Can you imagine if I have stuck to putting him in class B1?! Can hardly cope man! Haiz..I know it's more important to take care of his health and it's not as if he doesn't have savings or what.


But really...if things get so serious, so much money will be involved. When the doctor was giving positive comments about his health compared to the last time he was in hospital, I thought it was quite a relief. However, when the doctor glanced at his arms, she said that it looked swollen and how long it had been. She was touching it and then testing his breathing and looked a bit worried. She directed him a few questions and repeatedly asked if he feels breathless most of the time. I know his standard answers will be no..so I just said that if he walked for quite awhile, he needs to stop coz his stomach has a bit of pain and he feels a bit tired. She said that it could be coz his kidneys were weakening and the next thing she said gave me a shock till I was about to tear and I told myself not to cry..not here..infront of people. She told that he may need dialysis if the kidneys continued to fail coz right now, it's quite weak. Then she questioned my dad and me if we wanted to go ahead with my dialysis. My father..guess he was as shocked at me..turned around and asked how? I said...no lah..see how first...like Im dead serious I dont think dialysis is a good option for us..especially when we're pretty tied up with finances since my dad is not working. Haiz..I would hate to say that Im the only one right now..working in the family...but I can hardly cope with the expenses especially with my mum and brother whose lives still go on..whether got money or not.


But she said that okay...they'll continue to monitor his condition and right now, what she can do is to prescribe him with medicine such as increasing his dosage and adding on one more kind of pill. They will make him frequent the toilet more because holding it will do harm to the kidneys. Futhermore, my father has yet to experience the major symptoms like extreme tiredness which means he cant even sit up straight, walk ...without feeling so much out of breath. They will have loss of apetite (oh he has plenty of apetite). See, I told my mum that he cant be eating chicken porridge bought from outside everyday but she said..let him la..if not, he'll keep going to the kitchen then he'll be very weak if he doesnt eat porridge..wich he treats it as a source of energy. I asked the doctor what about porridge from outside..like can he eat them...and she said it's advisable not to eat it coz his diet must consist of low sodium and low protein. So okay...in this one month, before his next appointment...I seriously mz get tough on him and my mum and I told him repeatedly until everytime someone heard me talking in the clinics, they thought I was being such a nag.


But it's for his own good and also to avoid going for dialysis treatments coz it's freakin' costly and I dont think he can cope with it either. So right now...surprisingly, after he eat the medicine..after awhile, he actually becomes less weak which is a good sign and his arms didn't look as bloated as the other day. Infact, it became quite skinny..like back to normal. He could even walk out of the door, go down the lift...sit down next block at the seats under the void deck..walk to the shop..buy bread...walk back up and walk around the house (which my mum dislikes coz he may tend to disturb her things..hehe). Oh, and the things which he used to be so out of breath while doing such as putting on his socks...even pants...he'd get tired and will rest a bit before continuing. But my mum said that he put on his pants without stopping and continued to put on his socks..and before she knew it..was out of the house to go downstairs for some fresh air. Unbelievable. He used to be rather naggy whenever we asked him to simply walk along the corridors saying that he gets breatheless easily and what if he faints halfway? Gawd..it's just the same level as our house and it's only walking like mere steps. I wished I was around to see the difference but I can only hear it from my mum.


But I changed his diet by not buying for him his usual fare of porridge and actually pleaded with my mum to please please please..cook for him a bit..at least on alternate days..to save him from going through the hassle of dialysis. Haha..actually as I was typing this out, he just walked past my door to the kitchen much faster than he used to when he would take his time and looked so weak walkin' too. I thought..wah..so fast ah..and even my mum noticed and she was making hand gestures of the one round he made jz now turning into the kitchen. Okay, I was talking about his diet. So my mum..despite still protesting that she feels so lazy to cook...I continued to beg and beg with her to please..cook just a bit..simple one will do...coz I cant let him eat porridge. My mum hasn't cooked for yonks which surprises my colleagues whenever I said that my mum doesn't cook coz i mean..I know they're thinking..dont mums cook for their family? Well..she doesn't but we dont kick a big fuss out of it coz she can be bloody sensitive about it and start to preach about stuffs like criticisizing her cooking..I mean..wat the hell...since when? Anyway it's just her lame excuse so whatever.


I felt happy that both my mum and my father are responding well to the diet I imposed on him which is not easy for him as he is used to eating everyday. I have to make him eat on alternative days. Even though it's less than a week, things are looking up a bit. My mum actually cooked again today...i mean..at least for him. Nevermind about me..I can cope. However, it's still not that easy like yesterday, when my mum said that my dad was asking her to buy food from outside..like what the heck..the kind of food where we never bought for the longest time and he suddenly remembered he felt like eating them. Of coz my mum didn't coz she told him Dr Rahayu...yah my mum gave me that monicker...said that he cannot eat a big meal coz yesterday he ate already. I told my mum..let him sleep...throw tantrums..whatever...just don't let him eat. I know I sound evil but I mean..it's for his own good. Even my mum protests like she's contemplating to not cook at all but just buy outside.



I said fine..if she is lazy..but just look at the choices of dishes outside at malay stalls..they spell disaster man. Hardly any vegetables and if there are vegetables, they're not cooked in a healthy way. Either fried with chilli or cook in coconut milk gravy...I mean, people want to eat them..let them eat...but he's not having any of that. My gawd..when I look at the usual malay dishes, I am thinking to myself like it's no brainer that the people of my race..especially those reaching late thirties and beyond, they're often not in a good state of health unlike the chinese race who continues to be slim when they're in their senior years even. And whenever I go out or even to the hospital, I continually see girls around my age..and shockingly..a majority of them who are younger than me...like in their teens...they're much bigger than me.. News flash: I am not even slim.


When I was younger than them, I used to be even bigger than now but at that time, it was such a low point of my life coz there are not so many girls who were just as plump or more plump than me. They were slim or lean so can imagine, i always stand out like a sore thumb and clothes were such a huge huge problem for me. But now, the reverse is happening as more and more girls..especially tat of my age..such a pretty face..with their youthfulness such as how trendy they look....they look twice my size and bigger than I used to be. A few times also, I encoutered girls of their age in a wheelchair as they were hospitalised and the whole family will be tucking in together with so much food as they practically bought one meal then subsequently another meal. Even before paying for the food, they were already tucking in the food as they waited to pay. The whole family will be around the same size and it's unfortunately, not the only family that I see like that. Im not trying to criticise big people or what coming from someone who knows how it feels like being big as well...but I wish people will start to take good care of their health from now. If the medicine in the present is so costly already, can you imagine how much more expensive medical treatments will be in the near future?


So basically, diet is what makes you and actually, we don't have to starve ourselves or have pinches of food everyday. Sure we can eat that piece of chocolate cake but the key lies in moderation. I mean, like how my colleague reacted with food last Tuesday at the mosque where we were screening...she was buying cake, fried rice with additions like fried soybean curds and sandwich coz she said all looked delicious to her. She asked if she should buy them but anyway, maybe she'll eat the cake and sandwich in the evening when she will get hungry so I said fine, you can buy them if you want to eat them later. But uhm...during lunch...she actually ate almost everything up and she offered me the food even though I repeatedly say no coz im quite full after eating a hotdog bread..she said that Im 'proud'..like people offer dont want to eat. I said no..jz..shy..keke..


Okaylah..I dont blame such actions from people coz temptations are great when it comes to food. We're not one of those lucky people who simply have very little desire for food and only eats when hungry or for the sake of surviving the next few hours..hehe..I mean, jz look at me. I was upset that I lost a mere 0.6kg in the week even when I didnt eat that much but then gain back 0.4kg. What the freakin' hell...and I almost suffered pain-wise..coz I didnt eat properly due to work which didn't come too easy for me as I had to work with two people who were not very sure about their work and I couldn't afford to make mistakes. Not when the office will be breathing down ur neck like it's the ultimate complain of all..irregardless if it's a mere enquiry on the parents' part. Let's call it...'gan cheong' in its extreme.


Actually, got a slight correction about the two of them. One of them..though helpful..cant do work on the laptop coz she hardly practised. I thought it was rather odd coz she had been around for more than a month which is quite sufficient to pick up bits and pieces here and there..sort of things. But to know a mere 1%..very..the..odd. Well..whatever it is, Im hearing two sides of stories from both parties. I mean i know the actual team's frustrations when they try to teach her but I guess they should 'tone' down a bit..give her a bit of self confidence or what and not be so caught up with rushing work and then letting her observe only. I mean..I told her to write down notes if all got too confusing coz if we're not careful..unfortunate things may happen as I explained earlier. Uhm..besides....I'd probably sleep halfway through too. But the team's argument is that they did try to teach but..like I said..I am not there...never see....never know.



So, for now..another colleague who is pretty good at coaching others maybe to show that she knows her stuffs or what..coz she's more 'senior' although she slacks in real life. Whatever it is, she is doing a good job tutoring her. Never underestimate her small size..she can be be rather threatening if she's not happy about something..hahaahaha..If she sees me unable to handle people who tend to 'bully' me like keep pushing the blame game to me or seeing me struggle to talk to such people who keep shoving down words down my throat..she'll take over and the matter is done in a jiffy. Like I wonder how she does it with such calm..haiz..me..forever..the bulliable type..hahaha..


K..so I'd better stop halfway here coz I think I did a damn good summary of the week's happening even though it hasn't ended jz yet..haha..Hey, next week is pay day CUM bonus day! Wahey! I saw my payslip and Im quite surprised at the amount..hrm..pretty good...and AS ALWAYS, cant they just round up the amount instead of making it mere dollars from a totally different amount..haiz..anyway, still happy got money! hehehehee...


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