Blame who?
So I was reading this book about Terri Hatcher which my friend just lent it to me surprisingly coz I didn't remember if I asked for it..hehe. But heck, she told me that it is a good autobiography book which kinda make me frown a slight bit coz Im not really into such books..or books for that matter unless you count the dreamweaver guide book. However, after flipping several more pages, I come to realise that it's not a bad read. She's just as human like you and me..minus the fats, calories-intake and the million dollars plus plus..I actually found it inspiring. You see, I've always thought that people with a long list of achievements or with those 'from rags to riches' life stories are worthy enough to pen a book for themselves. me? my greatest achievements so far will be hrm...*thinking for the longest time*..passing the A level miraculously judging from my extremely poor school records...getting out of depression...and oh, losing 20kg very recently. but come to think of it, is life all about that? pushing yourself over the limit and seeing how much you can achieve? for me, in my most logical sense, i think life is what you make of it. doesnt matter if you eventually cross the finishing line or finally overcoming your fear of snakes (oh, did i mention i have this terrible fear of snakes and lizards?!). For me, what counts is the process of getting there irregardless of whether i decide to make snakes as second in 'My Favourite Animals' list. Hard work, careful analysis, failures, sucesses...lessons learnt and so on...they're the very core of our life.
Strange isn't it? How at one point of time, how some people just can't understand how some girls can be so stubborn for not leaving their boyfriends for physically or emotionally abusing them. I mean, true, it is downright obvious that they are treated like fools. But have we ever thought to think and hear what has she got to say? Maybe she may not say the right things since her mind is in a state of confusion too coz one hand, she feels like she doesn't deserve to be treated this way. On the other hand, she is still hopeful that one day, her boyfriend will change for good and be back to the man who used to be so loving and affectionate towards her. Oh, but if she is still persistent in keeping the relationship coz he's a very rich guy and the only one who can support her countless shopping sprees, that one you oughtta slap. For the kind of girl ( I meant in the first situation not the bimbo) who is sittin on the fence between self destruction and self renewal, it is wrong to judge her. Just like ourselves, we can get as much help and advice from other people who may or may not understand our situations, ultimately, we have to figure it out on our own. It ain't easy but it is definitely possible.
However, the thing that I cannot stand about some people is how quick they are when it comes to judging others. Actually, I myself am guilty of this at times. Sometimes, I wish i can just shut up and keep matters about other people to myself. You'll never know if words come around and then pinpoint back to you like you're the one responsible for spreading the news around. When I hear from other people some stories concerning themselves or others, tat sounds news-worthy and err...very nice to tell all to others...I feel guilty about it like Im not being fair to the person of whom I talked about. I mean, if people want to tell me things that are not very nice about the other person whether or not they have gone through it personally themselves, I think that I must be fair to them. For example, person A may tell me about an experience they went through with person B and I would of course, defend her saying that yeah, she shouldnt have done that to you. It doesn't seem nice. But then when I hear the other side of the story coming from B who actually told C, and then when C told me the aftermath of it all, like what happened outside the room, I gasped. Suddenly, im like caught in between and then come to think of it, they are both right and wrong. A and B that is. C? Well, can say that she's someone like me. Didn't get involved in the situation but merely hearing from the people who went through it. And err..wanting to tell someone about it coz it doesnt seem right keeping it to ourselves. I'll explain further on this.
I don't know whether is it true or not, but if you ask for my opinions, I normally prefer to not take sides. Coz admit it, nobody likes to show their vulnerability and boast about all the wrong things that they did. Most will play the blame game..blaming the other party while concealing the true facts of what actually happened. Okay, for once, B is wrong for not dealing the situation in the most tactful way. Something goes wrong and then quickly run to 'mummy' without dealing it face to face which only places B as someone who is incapable of handling even a minor situation herself. A? She should have known better that what she did was a clearly risky act and she could not forever hide behind a fake wall of superiority.
It's a no brainer lah..you know you're taking the risks and then you should jolly well face the aftermath of it in the event that you're brought to question. If people keep thinking that they are right, everything wrong that they are doing, they'll keep on denying that they are partly or fully blamed for whatever things that happen. Scary isn't it? It's like a disease. Sighz..talking about disease, I definitely want to change for the better. That actually taught me to not take things that people say for granted and make sweeping assumptions. But it doesnt mean I cant pretend I am all for that person..hehe..especially if he or she is merely trying to gather sympathy points from me. Heck, I'll give them for free but inside I'd probably go, heh..serve you right.
But anyway, I wouldnt say that not sharing 'info' to other people is an entirely bad things. Take me for an example. If I have not heard about what someone says about me behind my back which is clearly hurting and not nice of her to share info about me that not even I tell to others, I would probably be thinking what a nice gawd damn soul she has. Oh, how about the other time when one of my colleagues actually places the blame me (man, she's so good at this) coz she doesnt want to show that she hasn't been doing the work. Some people are just assholes. They think that people should worship the ground that they walk on. Know what? I'd rather spit on it. Hell, two can play that game. No, Im not going to be all dirty about it to get back at them. I believe the truth has a funny way of showing itself up. You can try to avoid it but it will always come back to haunt them.
So in that, I wasn't referring to myself to come up with scheming ways to show that I am not the kind of person to mess around with. Other people may choose to do that but for me, I'll just keep on showing doing what I do most...and what she clearly doesn't. It all brings down to letting people's eyes see and then judge for themselves. They may think nothing of it and who cares. I'm not putting up a drama here. Like I said, if it's the truth, you'll somehow see it one...fine..day. Okay, at least that's what the csi:miami tries to convince me.
But anyway, what else does rahayu learn from here? Actually, I haven't got myself in such sticky situations where people are quoting my name when asked where they hear this story or that story from. Look, if you're not involved, better to stay away from it. The thing is, if you can hear that person talking about the other party, chances are....they can tell others what you tell them..and eventually, misunderstandings pop by for a visit and you're wondering why people stop talking to you or start giving you dirty looks.
I guess most of us are vulnerable. We're not just vulnerable on the outside from harmful elements but from the inside where we know that it is wrong but we still choose to continue with it. Like I said before too, if you're not prepared to deal with the aftermath, then don't take the risk. Definitely not worth it. So from now on, I want to keep the information to myself even if they didn't make me take the oath of secrecy. Life's too short but nevertheless, the bottomline is, we're still human beings prone to being an idiot at times. That means celebrities too like Terri Hatcher. Sometimes our actions speak of our lack of self confidence about ourselves.
When we deal with an abusive boyfriend, if we're not confident of ourselves to just leave the bastard and get on with our life, then we're never gonna get out of it. We just keep on putting ourselves in danger because we have this mentality that we are deserving of such actions imposed on ourselves. Just think. A girl who is obviously smart, has a successful career and a good role model to an impressionable young girl, when it comes to dealing with a boyfriend who has a 'light' hand on her, she loses it. There's no way she doesn't know that such actions are wrong. But if her self confidence is pinned on him that without him, she thinks that she is gonna be a wreck, then she may never get out.
Confidence takes time..definitely. But it shouldn't be based on someone else to keep you moving. He or she may give you the jumpstart but we shouldn't keep holding on that very source of inspiration especially when it begins to show the true colours. When I read about a recent article about how a girl who used to lack self confidence coz of her size and how she stands out like a sore thumb among her friends gain her confidence through a guy who keeps heaping praises on her. Hey, I am not saying that we should refuse praises from now on especially when it comes to the opposite sex. But that's about it. Say thank you to show your gratefulness towards him like how he changes your perception of yourselves and start being more confident. However, don't rely on it as a safety trap. Even harnesses can break despite promises that they are very strong and accident-free. It may not happen so soon but if let's say things take a bad turn, even in a friendship with a girl pal or a guy, we can only rely on helping ourselves. So basically for me, im rather glad that I am not relying on anybody to boast my self confidence. I don't care if I take an eternity to finally strut out in great confidence because one thing, my confidence is not based on false hopes or false notions that this person will forever be there for me when I need him or her. I know that I am not THAT confident as yet when it comes to my size like I am still stuck in the 'im so fat' mode despite seeing glaringly obvious results from the weight loss. Oh, and also how unconfident I am when it comes to thinking about what is so physically likeable about me when I caught guys stealing glances at me.
Funny how I never thought about that last time when I was a whole lot bigger and almost reached the weight of a baby hippo. All I can remember at that time is how I wish I was slimmer or at this so and so kg of weight. Now when I am almost at the weight of back then in secondary school which I thought was near impossible to achieve ever again, I am still thinking about how I wish I was slimmer..er...
It's almost like a vicious cycle where I will never reach the stage where I am finally comfortable with myself and finally have the self confidence the size of that same baby hippo. Funny also that when I recalled, I wasn't as much obssessive as I was before when it comes to my physical outlook. It's like 'Argh..who gives a damn'..but now, I DO give a damn which is driving me nuts coz Im supposed to be showing more confidence now than more than a year ago!! Aaah!!!! Blame it on not having a full length mirror in my room where I get to see the real me..not the cut-off me or my reflection in the mirror when on the treadmill beside my work colleagues who have slimmer thighs and legs than me. You see..I blame my lack of confidence on the lack of full mirror in my room.
Sighz...life's tricky isn't it? It's ALWAYS about the other person..it's ALWAYS about the traffic jam that made us late..it is never about us isn't it? So I need to start helping myself to straighten my facts out? yes..most definitely. No more comparing.....except with Beyonce Knowles where I aim to achieve her curvy body..heh..
Strange isn't it? How at one point of time, how some people just can't understand how some girls can be so stubborn for not leaving their boyfriends for physically or emotionally abusing them. I mean, true, it is downright obvious that they are treated like fools. But have we ever thought to think and hear what has she got to say? Maybe she may not say the right things since her mind is in a state of confusion too coz one hand, she feels like she doesn't deserve to be treated this way. On the other hand, she is still hopeful that one day, her boyfriend will change for good and be back to the man who used to be so loving and affectionate towards her. Oh, but if she is still persistent in keeping the relationship coz he's a very rich guy and the only one who can support her countless shopping sprees, that one you oughtta slap. For the kind of girl ( I meant in the first situation not the bimbo) who is sittin on the fence between self destruction and self renewal, it is wrong to judge her. Just like ourselves, we can get as much help and advice from other people who may or may not understand our situations, ultimately, we have to figure it out on our own. It ain't easy but it is definitely possible.
However, the thing that I cannot stand about some people is how quick they are when it comes to judging others. Actually, I myself am guilty of this at times. Sometimes, I wish i can just shut up and keep matters about other people to myself. You'll never know if words come around and then pinpoint back to you like you're the one responsible for spreading the news around. When I hear from other people some stories concerning themselves or others, tat sounds news-worthy and err...very nice to tell all to others...I feel guilty about it like Im not being fair to the person of whom I talked about. I mean, if people want to tell me things that are not very nice about the other person whether or not they have gone through it personally themselves, I think that I must be fair to them. For example, person A may tell me about an experience they went through with person B and I would of course, defend her saying that yeah, she shouldnt have done that to you. It doesn't seem nice. But then when I hear the other side of the story coming from B who actually told C, and then when C told me the aftermath of it all, like what happened outside the room, I gasped. Suddenly, im like caught in between and then come to think of it, they are both right and wrong. A and B that is. C? Well, can say that she's someone like me. Didn't get involved in the situation but merely hearing from the people who went through it. And err..wanting to tell someone about it coz it doesnt seem right keeping it to ourselves. I'll explain further on this.
I don't know whether is it true or not, but if you ask for my opinions, I normally prefer to not take sides. Coz admit it, nobody likes to show their vulnerability and boast about all the wrong things that they did. Most will play the blame game..blaming the other party while concealing the true facts of what actually happened. Okay, for once, B is wrong for not dealing the situation in the most tactful way. Something goes wrong and then quickly run to 'mummy' without dealing it face to face which only places B as someone who is incapable of handling even a minor situation herself. A? She should have known better that what she did was a clearly risky act and she could not forever hide behind a fake wall of superiority.
It's a no brainer lah..you know you're taking the risks and then you should jolly well face the aftermath of it in the event that you're brought to question. If people keep thinking that they are right, everything wrong that they are doing, they'll keep on denying that they are partly or fully blamed for whatever things that happen. Scary isn't it? It's like a disease. Sighz..talking about disease, I definitely want to change for the better. That actually taught me to not take things that people say for granted and make sweeping assumptions. But it doesnt mean I cant pretend I am all for that person..hehe..especially if he or she is merely trying to gather sympathy points from me. Heck, I'll give them for free but inside I'd probably go, heh..serve you right.
But anyway, I wouldnt say that not sharing 'info' to other people is an entirely bad things. Take me for an example. If I have not heard about what someone says about me behind my back which is clearly hurting and not nice of her to share info about me that not even I tell to others, I would probably be thinking what a nice gawd damn soul she has. Oh, how about the other time when one of my colleagues actually places the blame me (man, she's so good at this) coz she doesnt want to show that she hasn't been doing the work. Some people are just assholes. They think that people should worship the ground that they walk on. Know what? I'd rather spit on it. Hell, two can play that game. No, Im not going to be all dirty about it to get back at them. I believe the truth has a funny way of showing itself up. You can try to avoid it but it will always come back to haunt them.
So in that, I wasn't referring to myself to come up with scheming ways to show that I am not the kind of person to mess around with. Other people may choose to do that but for me, I'll just keep on showing doing what I do most...and what she clearly doesn't. It all brings down to letting people's eyes see and then judge for themselves. They may think nothing of it and who cares. I'm not putting up a drama here. Like I said, if it's the truth, you'll somehow see it one...fine..day. Okay, at least that's what the csi:miami tries to convince me.
But anyway, what else does rahayu learn from here? Actually, I haven't got myself in such sticky situations where people are quoting my name when asked where they hear this story or that story from. Look, if you're not involved, better to stay away from it. The thing is, if you can hear that person talking about the other party, chances are....they can tell others what you tell them..and eventually, misunderstandings pop by for a visit and you're wondering why people stop talking to you or start giving you dirty looks.
I guess most of us are vulnerable. We're not just vulnerable on the outside from harmful elements but from the inside where we know that it is wrong but we still choose to continue with it. Like I said before too, if you're not prepared to deal with the aftermath, then don't take the risk. Definitely not worth it. So from now on, I want to keep the information to myself even if they didn't make me take the oath of secrecy. Life's too short but nevertheless, the bottomline is, we're still human beings prone to being an idiot at times. That means celebrities too like Terri Hatcher. Sometimes our actions speak of our lack of self confidence about ourselves.
When we deal with an abusive boyfriend, if we're not confident of ourselves to just leave the bastard and get on with our life, then we're never gonna get out of it. We just keep on putting ourselves in danger because we have this mentality that we are deserving of such actions imposed on ourselves. Just think. A girl who is obviously smart, has a successful career and a good role model to an impressionable young girl, when it comes to dealing with a boyfriend who has a 'light' hand on her, she loses it. There's no way she doesn't know that such actions are wrong. But if her self confidence is pinned on him that without him, she thinks that she is gonna be a wreck, then she may never get out.
Confidence takes time..definitely. But it shouldn't be based on someone else to keep you moving. He or she may give you the jumpstart but we shouldn't keep holding on that very source of inspiration especially when it begins to show the true colours. When I read about a recent article about how a girl who used to lack self confidence coz of her size and how she stands out like a sore thumb among her friends gain her confidence through a guy who keeps heaping praises on her. Hey, I am not saying that we should refuse praises from now on especially when it comes to the opposite sex. But that's about it. Say thank you to show your gratefulness towards him like how he changes your perception of yourselves and start being more confident. However, don't rely on it as a safety trap. Even harnesses can break despite promises that they are very strong and accident-free. It may not happen so soon but if let's say things take a bad turn, even in a friendship with a girl pal or a guy, we can only rely on helping ourselves. So basically for me, im rather glad that I am not relying on anybody to boast my self confidence. I don't care if I take an eternity to finally strut out in great confidence because one thing, my confidence is not based on false hopes or false notions that this person will forever be there for me when I need him or her. I know that I am not THAT confident as yet when it comes to my size like I am still stuck in the 'im so fat' mode despite seeing glaringly obvious results from the weight loss. Oh, and also how unconfident I am when it comes to thinking about what is so physically likeable about me when I caught guys stealing glances at me.
Funny how I never thought about that last time when I was a whole lot bigger and almost reached the weight of a baby hippo. All I can remember at that time is how I wish I was slimmer or at this so and so kg of weight. Now when I am almost at the weight of back then in secondary school which I thought was near impossible to achieve ever again, I am still thinking about how I wish I was slimmer..er...
It's almost like a vicious cycle where I will never reach the stage where I am finally comfortable with myself and finally have the self confidence the size of that same baby hippo. Funny also that when I recalled, I wasn't as much obssessive as I was before when it comes to my physical outlook. It's like 'Argh..who gives a damn'..but now, I DO give a damn which is driving me nuts coz Im supposed to be showing more confidence now than more than a year ago!! Aaah!!!! Blame it on not having a full length mirror in my room where I get to see the real me..not the cut-off me or my reflection in the mirror when on the treadmill beside my work colleagues who have slimmer thighs and legs than me. You see..I blame my lack of confidence on the lack of full mirror in my room.
Sighz...life's tricky isn't it? It's ALWAYS about the other person..it's ALWAYS about the traffic jam that made us late..it is never about us isn't it? So I need to start helping myself to straighten my facts out? yes..most definitely. No more comparing.....except with Beyonce Knowles where I aim to achieve her curvy body..heh..
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