I'm back writing as I am also trying to get into a routine so that I can do more in life while spending time on my interests as well. Recently, I have been lacking in focus and it is a problem that will appear every now and then as my own self worth drop down pretty low when I subconsciously compare myself to others. I would rather be inspired by people, rather than being pulled down and thinking how my life isn't like them. To be honest, it's not that I want their kind of life like I don't want to be a mum and it is an opinion that can't really be swayed even though I think that being a mum is a great gift. It's just that I sometimes feel when my friends talked about their marriage life and children, I am of opinion that my life isn't worth sharing because it's unlike them, pretty dull and predictable.
I also envy those busy career woman and female entrepreneurs, especially those juggling their family affairs as well, as if they're superwomen whom I look up to. Again, I find myself not as 'super' as them because yes, coz I am single with no children. But the more I think about it, why am I degrading myself. My life is worth living too as well.
We sometimes forget to be happy when we start to think about how we should conform to the society's general rule of living. Then we try to follow our own path, people bombard us with questions that make us feel like awful as though we are not making the right decisions. You know I hate the feeling when I want to say to them not to keep asking me these questions, but yah, I am often too nice. I don't think they wanna hear my reasons because to them, they don't make sense. So I would rather not say but just go with whatever opinions they have formed of me.
One of the things that I enjoy is watching anime or webcomics but even then I am pretty selective, just like how people choose their shows on netflix. So it's just a matter of preference but of course, generally it's the younger people who dig these kind of things, but not a woman like me who is turning 40 soon, lol. Women my age are generally watching documentaries, quality Netflix shows that are suspenseful and thought provoking.
But you know what. Who cares. I learn a lot from anime and the webcomics too. I am not a thinker so watching shows that make you ponder or form opinions why these characters were acting as such. I cry watching some episodes, laugh with them, get angry...I experience a roller coaster of emotions as well.
Recently, I am watching an anime called The Case Files of Richard the Jeweler. It's one of those under-rated anime but one that you get invested into watching because each episode has a storyline that pulled you in. The character developments of the main characters were also great and how their bond became unbreakable as the show progressed. They didn't fall in love with each other but still made love declarations because they truly cared for each other, so much so one was even willing to travel across the world to search for his boss whom he had been working part time for. They are each other's support and even if one tried to deny the other one from their personal problems, one would still try to help whether or not they wanted it so that they can be happy again.
They also taught us about gems and how each gem is unique and no two gems are the same. Just like we don't often realise that we are different from each other but because we think that we should be living like others in general in order to be happy. Instead of comparing ourselves and feeling down, I feel that we should feel inspired by successful women and how they do it. We don't have to follow exactly but rather, their characters such as their grit and determination that gave them the success they have now and how they overcome the ups and downs.
I wrote down a routine on things that I want to do at certain periods of time and days of the week so I don't feel so lost like what should I do now and then end up not doing it or just don't feel like it. Time often get wasted and I accomplish none. I want to focus on self betterment in all areas of my life while still enjoying the things I love. So far, the routine is working but of course, there were times I lapsed coz well, I got a little tired or the comics I was reading got a little too interesting that I had to read beyond the stipulated time, lol.
But I am trying to stick to it as much as I can so other work or interests can take place instead.
Nowadays, I start to scale back a bit on sharing my life, not coz I feel that it's not worth sharing, though initially it started that way like I feel that their life updates are more interesting than mine. But it's more because I want to keep things private for myself. I already started last year by removing my birthday on Facebook so I don't get wishes from people. I am ok with just the people that I know who wish me. But it also meant they forgot to wish me too coz they didn't have Facebook reminder, lol.
So let's think of ourselves as that one of a kind gem. It doesn't matter what kind of family background we come from, our financial status, marital status, personality traits and etc, we are our own individual and the reflection of our name. It's noble for us to help others and sometimes even willing to risk for them too but we must also help ourselves too because when we think that others don't love us, we don't realise that they do and they also want the best for ourselves.
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