Welcoming March 2021! Hopefully Ending a Dreary February

Little pleasures in life like this cuppa

So this week, we entered March and how apt for the 1st of March to start on a Monday which is also the start of a new week. Alas, in February, there were quite a number of death news received. And many of them were young still with a bright future ahead of them, an established career, a family man or woman..as death does not discriminate who should go first. We often got conditioned to think that we would die when we become older but death can happen to anyone and at anytime.

I know this was such a grim intro to this blogpost but it also served as a reminder to all of us, especially people like me who had been slacking big time or having self esteem issues, by telling myself that my worth is lesser than other people around me.

So I have been 'sleeping' on life recently and then indulging in long hours of reading web comics in order to forget reality awhile, not because it was hard but rather, I was just putting things off. Things that would have mattered more than just idling my time away for entertainment.

Often I tell myself to move away from the fiction world filled with characters that one could only fantasise about. Get back down to reality and don't run away from problems. I suppose I can only self diagnose myself as having a mild depression. I had full swing depression in my youth as a result of many things that  I took for granted and then they just snowballed from there. My world was shattered but from other people's encouragement, I rose up again and changed for the better. I could not imagine if I continued to stay depressed and not do much about my current situation. I would just spiral down and life would continue to be so hard to continue living because of the unworthiness that I was feeling. 

It's ok to not be ok at times because we can't always have a smooth running life all the time because life has its own share of ups and downs. But we just need to know when enough is enough and we have to start to focus on ourselves, rebuild back our self worth, do our best each day and leave the rest to God to help us get through our difficult moments.

Anyway, if your mind has been bothered by these thoughts, let us start afresh this month. If we have made mistakes, don't continue to hold the anger or regret. Instead, we learn and grow from it. There are many things that I did in my life that I have total regret for. I don't remember much about my youth as in my childhood or even my teenhood. It was during my adult hood that I made many mistakes that I could not be proud of. I don't know if it was coz I lacked guidance in life as I tried to navigate adulthood. Or that I was a victim of circumstances. I would think that it was the latter because I know of a few people that had helped me through difficult times, or at least make things better a bit. But still, guidance was also what I sorely lacked and only tried to find spiritual guidance later in life.

All these life lessons are prepping us to receive something better in the future because now we know how difficult the journey  had been, with the sacrifices and the high level of commitment. Back then we might not know it because sometimes the pain, the frustration and sadness didn't let us see things too far ahead. It is understandable as the emotions were just too strong and we often feel lost and misguided.

We shed tears and through these tears, we emerge stronger. Now that I am older, I am trying to be strong each day and doing things that will nourish my soul, improve my health, both physically and mentally. It's not easy I admit because often we get too distracted in life. But I want to think about how things can get better if only I fill my time doing beneficial things, even if it's just reading to gain a new perspective, learning to seek new knowledge and doing things that we simply enjoy without thinking too much.

Let us not sleepwalk anymore in March. Though the pain or the situations that we are in, don't vanish overnight, when we make small changes in life, slowly but surely, things can start looking up for our own good.

Though we can't always guarantee a good day every single day, just like how the tide come and go, we don't stop dreaming big. Even if in the end, I may not get what I wanted, or if I ever did get, it was only a fraction of what I had dreamt of, it's ok for me. God sees that we had worked for it and He would not abandon us halfway and may even grant us something even better, though as humans, who easily give in to our emotions, we may fail to see and therefore lack appreciation for what we have in life.

Sometimes it takes a jolt of something major to happen or a big realisation, based on other people's experiences, that we had simply taken things for granted. Be kind to ourselves, to others and most importantly, never lose touch of our intentions as they can help us to carry on living with a meaningful purpose.