On our Own Terms

I have been so bad at updating the blog. Okay I am trying to update as regularly as I can, lol. Anyway, here is an embarrassing picture of me on the swing from many years ago. 

Nothing much going on and sometimes I feel a tad embarrassed that I don't quite see myself as 'busy' as other people, especially among my friends. When we want to plan on a date for meet up, it can be quite a headache because it will coincide with some personal or work events. Or that when we meet, they have life updates to share while for me, eh...there's not much going on. 

Actually, it's not as if life took a stagnant turn for me but I don't know. How do you actually define being busy? There are people who wear different hats in life, have a business to run and a family to raise. And those married but with no children and yet keep themselves busy running different freelance businesses like selling baked goods, dabble in realty and a weekend bridal make up artist. Then women who were divorced before but after putting their bitter divorce behind them, thrived in running successful businesses while changing their outlook in life including getting on a healthier journey for themselves.

There is no 'ideal' or 'perfect' life that we feel we should emulate before we think that we are truly living our best life. We all have different strengths and weaknesses, different responsibilities and commitments. Doesn't mean we are not as 'busy' as the next person, we ought to feel bad about it. We only have to focus on making today better than the day before, learn from our mistakes, being more brave on taking new opportunities for self improvement and fulfilling our responsibilities to the best of our abilities. 

For some time recently, I have been thinking that I am not good enough, not busy enough and wasting too much of my time not feeling like doing anything even though I prepared a to do list. And then to discover that this bleak period can happen to even the cheerful looking peeps that don't seem to have any troubles in life with their cheerful IG postings. But reality is, they can also feel trapped in some invisible black hole. In fact, it can happen to anyone.

So now instead of thinking about ooh, I am not as busy as these two friends of mine coz I am not a mother. But even if I am not, I still perform other roles such as being a sister and a daughter within my family. I buy groceries, food and pay the various house bills. I should not 'discount' myself just because I don't have  that particular role. Do I still consider myself as busy? Perhaps I am but I don't quite think of it as being busy because it's just a regular fixture in my life for so many years. 

I think that we should learn to give ourselves some credit. We get too caught up following other people's lives and their achievements that we turn a blind eye to ours because they don't seem as important. To us, it's just a normal routine. We also should be proud of ourselves when we carry our responsibilities well. We don't need others to tell us upfront like hey, you're doing a good job, keep it up. If we falter or fall short, it's ok because after all we are mere humans, we get up and try to be better. 

So as part of the on-going Women's Day this month, let us try to be kinder to ourselves and learn to stand tall and proud. Build on knowledge, do more self reflections and chill a little by doing activities that we truly enjoy, even if it's a walk in the park or going to the beach. Just to give ourselves some space and for some clarity of the mind while taking care of our physical health as well.

I am also going to tell myself that I am doing good and will continue to do even better and not to often compare myself to others that will lead me to feeling a little down, thinking oh if only I was this or that. No. Sometimes it just takes a simple shift in the mindset to change our view in life and see things from a fresh or different perspective. 

Let us stand tall and proud of how far we have come and how further more we can go. We can be successful in life on our terms. There is no one template to follow. Just like how my friend put it, we are all different, just like how two fingerprints are never the same.