Hello, miss me? I had been a little 'off' recently and wanted to lay down low a bit but it can get rather lonely and if I carry on, I can get carried away and that's not good. So I shall begin to crawl out a little by posting here after a long time.
Sometimes we just think too much over things and people that our minds get a little messed up as our self esteem gets lower and lower. I may not be the one who can insert herself into a group conversation or initiate a talk or discussion and then I feel all left out because I can interact that well.
But over time, I learn to respond. I don't have to give the most complicated answers or ask the most thought provoking questions. I just need to respond and it can actually make someone's day if you can give them the listening ear and learn to share info with you. I used to think that I need to be of their same level or share the same thoughts and opinions, and have similar roles in life in order to relate. That's it. My excuse is that I can't relate so no point for me to contribute anything and just stay quiet.
That's bad actually. Over time, people will stop sharing things with you, their joys, happiness or any important events in their life because they will think that it is of no significance to you, even if you have been in each other's lives for long.
Then you will start to wonder why people are starting to avoid you and then begin to think nobody cares about anymore.
While I still choose to keep my life private most times these days, I think it's still ok to share with people once in awhile, as an indication that you are doing well in life. It's also ok to ask people too how they're doing, to let them know that they still matter to you even if these days, due to life's events, it was not so possible to be in the heydays of the past when we use to frequently meet up and have lots of fun together.
Speaking of fun, I have been watching this famous anime Haikyu and while I still don't get all the names right and the technicalities of the games, I have begun to enjoy watching the show. It's those feel good anime that you can't help but support the main team and feel bad for the losing team as well. I realise that sports is more than just physical play but mental play as well. Even in the court, the players have to think fast and learn to predict the next move, both of their team and the opposing team, be quick on their feet and just when things are getting more challenging, they will just go all out and do their best to get as many points as they can.
I was thinking, why can't I relate that in my life as well. After all, this life is like a game as well. It's unpredictable because you don't know what will happen next but you can still make goals in life, strive to be your best, hone your skills or talents and be disciplined in order to achieve and win.
All it takes is a mental shift and keeping a promise to ourselves that we can get better, if we put our hearts and mind into it. It's not easy because otherwise everyone will be cruising by and be even more aimless. I thought hard about what I want to achieve and initially I thought my goals in life are rather boring. But to think that I didn't give my 100% in every goal and instead, focus on the negativities that brought about this sense of despair that I have nothing in my life that are of significance.
Truth is, if I can choose not to downplay my goals, just because they may not be as big as some others, that don't mean I look down on myself. For example, I didn't think much about wanting to be a certain weight goal because it's just going to be a number, nothing more. But if I can give myself reasons why that goal matters to me, it will start to steer me in the right direction into making that goal come true.
So let us all not be easily defeated and even if winning isn't going to be easy, at least we can tell ourselves we have put up a good rousing fight in this life.
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