Am I Not Pushing Myself Hard Enough?
Sometimes I feel that I am not hard on myself. That I don't really have that much of negative talk simply because I am not pushing myself hard enough. I spend my days quite carelessly with many distractions though at times, I actually force myself to sit down and learn or relearn some things. All this in a bid to stay away from social media or watching reruns or snippets of my favourite dramas. In case you're not aware or haven't read my earlier posts, nowadays I'm so much into Japanese movies that are typically an hour and a half long and its accompanying Manga comics. It's one of those phases that I go through and then forget about until a long time later.
This morning, I watched an IG tv of a young Muslim religious teacher who has her own company and due to the Covid-19, had to make use of social media and online workshops in order to continue teaching people and also to keep her company afloat. It is not easy grappling with technology, and suddenly needing to embrace them. Then having to teach from home where she is a single mum to three young and active children.
This is the holy month or Ramadhan for the Muslim community. Majority of people who are non Muslims associate this month to be a month of fasting, refraining from eating and drinking from dawn til dusk. But it is more than that. It is also a month of self reflection, charity and being engaged in prayers and other religious activities to be closer to God as it has been said that His rewards are bountiful in this holy month.
So naturally, she has been giving her best to reach out to as many Muslim sisters she knows, especially those who want to learn but has no one to turn to. And she also gives many motivational quotes or mini talks to give people hope that they are not alone and that they can be feel better and do better in life for as long as they're still here and breathing. She herself had her own difficult personal experiences and it still hurt her til now but sharing with people this knowledge that they all can get through this make things a tad better.
However, you know how people try to hide whatever insecurities they have in themselves in order to mentally block the things that have been bothering them. So in that IG story, she was feeling very upset with herself, labelling herself as a failure even though prior to that, she had been conducting several online classes to teach people. However, she could only identify herself as such; a religious teacher and nothing more. Like she's still finding herself as in who she really is.
I feel sad for her, like she has done so much for the community despite her age and the many obstacles she encountered in her life. Yet she does not recognise it. For me on the other hand, I am not doing a fraction of the many accomplishments she has, and yet I don't feel the need to be so negative with myself. So I kinda felt a tad guilty.
She's probably feeling overwhelmed just like any other people who spend most of their time helping others but with little time for themselves. Also, the strict measures put in place to curb the spread of the Covid-19 make many of us be away from our loved ones if they live in different households because we're not allowed to meet.
Sometimes, we also need to hear from others how we have been doing so far, encouraging words that can help us self hate ourselves lesser because at times we think that we haven't pushed ourselves hard enough. But most of us are are too humble to seek validation from others in order to know that we're doing ok and that we're not failures in life. It helps to share what we feel inside or for me, I like to read encouraging words from other people to those who are in need to tell that things will get better.
Their wise words can be soothing and to make us feel that we're not always at our 100%, as much as we have pushed ourselves, because we're still humans. Many times I feel like crap especially if I don't feel like doing anything because when I start something, it doesn't seem to go how I planned it to be.
I try to immerse myself in activities that will keep me engaged and to basically pass the time doing meaningful things that I stand to gain physically, mentally and spiritually. Maybe they won't add so much value in my life but it gives me a sense of calm even if at times I don't feel like doing things.
These are my little accomplishments, whether me doing some watercoloring and brush lettering, artsy stuffs that I still struggle with but it's a learning process for me. So is learning a third language which is Spanish that I started since last June but am still not fluent in. I recently watched a video on this American guy, who is already fluent in several other languages mainly Chinese, and how it took him 1 month to be able to converse quite fluently in Spanish. Kinda puts me to shame as I feel that I am only doing the bare minimum.
Sometimes, I am simply not pushing myself hard enough to learn properly with enthusiasm. It just feels as though I'm doing it for the sake of doing. This hits hard when I have difficulties in my learning process, where I always feel like giving up thinking that this is not meant to be for me.
I also try to get closer to God by following up on some religious teachings and sharing online to nourish my soul as well while learning new things that I should have known but didn't make time for it in the past. It gives me a sense of calmness and also knowing that even though I struggle, God still recognise the efforts and will reward me as such because I have set intention in learning it. Sometimes, I feel a tad shameful that I don't know things that I ought to know, like for others, it's the very basic as if they live and breathe religion. But again, it's never too late to learn so during this Covid-19 period, and in Ramadan, I try to learn as much as I can.
So I won't be able to memorise every single prayer. It's fine. Take it one day at a time, even it's a short prayer but I managed to learn and memorise, then it's still a good thing.
In terms of physical well being, I try to exercise almost everyday to keep myself fit, even it doesn't give me weight loss, lol. It's hard at times doing these HIIT workouts like they're really pushing you for every set of exercise and even if at the most, I do it until 30 minutes or even 15 minutes, it felt like the longest time, haha..but I know I have reaped some benefits by pushing myself through that gruelling time period.
I also journal and sometimes write a blog post here to occupy my time and to sort out my thoughts.
I thought I am doing pretty fine, maybe coz I am not hard on myself? Sometimes I do have thoughts on whether being married would be a good thing for me as it sets a routine. Perhaps I will be less lazy as I will be more responsible in my life and not spend too much time on recreational activities that won't benefit me coz I simply don't have the time, lol. But I don't exactly think that may work either because every marriage is different. I may choose to continue to do these things even, during my downtime, or be even lazier because my husband does everything, haha.
The point is, to stay motivated and try our best. Not every day that we will be working at our fullest, and even if we are doing our best already, we can still feel like crap. Even if we're not doing our best, it's ok, time to pick ourselves up and do better the next day. Working towards self betterment, including self esteem which I still lack of, is what we should strive for, whether we're married or single, business owner or a salaried worker, so that we can lose the label of being a failure and to enjoy life in all its glory.
This morning, I watched an IG tv of a young Muslim religious teacher who has her own company and due to the Covid-19, had to make use of social media and online workshops in order to continue teaching people and also to keep her company afloat. It is not easy grappling with technology, and suddenly needing to embrace them. Then having to teach from home where she is a single mum to three young and active children.
This is the holy month or Ramadhan for the Muslim community. Majority of people who are non Muslims associate this month to be a month of fasting, refraining from eating and drinking from dawn til dusk. But it is more than that. It is also a month of self reflection, charity and being engaged in prayers and other religious activities to be closer to God as it has been said that His rewards are bountiful in this holy month.
So naturally, she has been giving her best to reach out to as many Muslim sisters she knows, especially those who want to learn but has no one to turn to. And she also gives many motivational quotes or mini talks to give people hope that they are not alone and that they can be feel better and do better in life for as long as they're still here and breathing. She herself had her own difficult personal experiences and it still hurt her til now but sharing with people this knowledge that they all can get through this make things a tad better.
However, you know how people try to hide whatever insecurities they have in themselves in order to mentally block the things that have been bothering them. So in that IG story, she was feeling very upset with herself, labelling herself as a failure even though prior to that, she had been conducting several online classes to teach people. However, she could only identify herself as such; a religious teacher and nothing more. Like she's still finding herself as in who she really is.
I feel sad for her, like she has done so much for the community despite her age and the many obstacles she encountered in her life. Yet she does not recognise it. For me on the other hand, I am not doing a fraction of the many accomplishments she has, and yet I don't feel the need to be so negative with myself. So I kinda felt a tad guilty.
She's probably feeling overwhelmed just like any other people who spend most of their time helping others but with little time for themselves. Also, the strict measures put in place to curb the spread of the Covid-19 make many of us be away from our loved ones if they live in different households because we're not allowed to meet.
Sometimes, we also need to hear from others how we have been doing so far, encouraging words that can help us self hate ourselves lesser because at times we think that we haven't pushed ourselves hard enough. But most of us are are too humble to seek validation from others in order to know that we're doing ok and that we're not failures in life. It helps to share what we feel inside or for me, I like to read encouraging words from other people to those who are in need to tell that things will get better.
Their wise words can be soothing and to make us feel that we're not always at our 100%, as much as we have pushed ourselves, because we're still humans. Many times I feel like crap especially if I don't feel like doing anything because when I start something, it doesn't seem to go how I planned it to be.
I try to immerse myself in activities that will keep me engaged and to basically pass the time doing meaningful things that I stand to gain physically, mentally and spiritually. Maybe they won't add so much value in my life but it gives me a sense of calm even if at times I don't feel like doing things.
These are my little accomplishments, whether me doing some watercoloring and brush lettering, artsy stuffs that I still struggle with but it's a learning process for me. So is learning a third language which is Spanish that I started since last June but am still not fluent in. I recently watched a video on this American guy, who is already fluent in several other languages mainly Chinese, and how it took him 1 month to be able to converse quite fluently in Spanish. Kinda puts me to shame as I feel that I am only doing the bare minimum.
Sometimes, I am simply not pushing myself hard enough to learn properly with enthusiasm. It just feels as though I'm doing it for the sake of doing. This hits hard when I have difficulties in my learning process, where I always feel like giving up thinking that this is not meant to be for me.
I also try to get closer to God by following up on some religious teachings and sharing online to nourish my soul as well while learning new things that I should have known but didn't make time for it in the past. It gives me a sense of calmness and also knowing that even though I struggle, God still recognise the efforts and will reward me as such because I have set intention in learning it. Sometimes, I feel a tad shameful that I don't know things that I ought to know, like for others, it's the very basic as if they live and breathe religion. But again, it's never too late to learn so during this Covid-19 period, and in Ramadan, I try to learn as much as I can.
So I won't be able to memorise every single prayer. It's fine. Take it one day at a time, even it's a short prayer but I managed to learn and memorise, then it's still a good thing.
In terms of physical well being, I try to exercise almost everyday to keep myself fit, even it doesn't give me weight loss, lol. It's hard at times doing these HIIT workouts like they're really pushing you for every set of exercise and even if at the most, I do it until 30 minutes or even 15 minutes, it felt like the longest time, haha..but I know I have reaped some benefits by pushing myself through that gruelling time period.
I also journal and sometimes write a blog post here to occupy my time and to sort out my thoughts.
I thought I am doing pretty fine, maybe coz I am not hard on myself? Sometimes I do have thoughts on whether being married would be a good thing for me as it sets a routine. Perhaps I will be less lazy as I will be more responsible in my life and not spend too much time on recreational activities that won't benefit me coz I simply don't have the time, lol. But I don't exactly think that may work either because every marriage is different. I may choose to continue to do these things even, during my downtime, or be even lazier because my husband does everything, haha.
The point is, to stay motivated and try our best. Not every day that we will be working at our fullest, and even if we are doing our best already, we can still feel like crap. Even if we're not doing our best, it's ok, time to pick ourselves up and do better the next day. Working towards self betterment, including self esteem which I still lack of, is what we should strive for, whether we're married or single, business owner or a salaried worker, so that we can lose the label of being a failure and to enjoy life in all its glory.
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