A couple of weeks ago, I met up with my ex classmates and I actually felt really good like because the clothes fit me well and I thought that even if the scale said otherwise, physically I feel fine. Until I see the picture the restaurant took of us and then I felt completely down as though I let myself down.
You know from my previous posts that I wrote about me trying out different forms of fitness workouts and having fun while at it, though sometimes I feel like dying as well when it got pretty tough. Bottom line is, I do it to be fit and healthy, not so much for weight loss although that will be awesome, haha. I know I can't lose much weight because that will take even more effort which I am of course trying but not like super focused on. I felt down because I don't know if it's the angle or something but I looked quite big in the picture. I felt like I was transported to the past where I was bigger than I was now so that got me down because it was as though I never do anything about my size.
I mean honestly, though I was bigger then, I didn't want to forget those times because it was still a part of me, a part of my life where I started to feel that I should be doing something about it, not gaining more and more weight. It also spurred me to reclaim back my health and start being all into fitness, though I am doing much more now since middle of last year.
But on the hindsight, after watching several youtubers who are not within the societal norms of what size they should be, and how they are often criticised for their physical appearance and yet they didn't seem to take it to heart. Again, it doesn't mean that they are not vulnerable. When collectively, people start saying negative things about you, no matter how we try to act tough, they can get us down. The thing is, it is OK to feel down. It is OK to feel angry. We're human beings. But the thing is, at the end of the day, words can't kill us. We are allowed to be emotional about it because we have feelings. It is how we decide to just stand up and continue with our lives.
So yes, though I felt sad about it, I decided to not let it sink in too long. I mean it just goes to show that I am not perfect and it's fine. I just work harder the next time especially when it comes to meals because I felt that I am not putting in much thought into it think that since I work out, I can be excused a little.
The point is, I think nothing wrong with my 'over-reaction'. We are allowed to think what we want and do what we want, of course not crime related, because like how I said in my opening paragraph, we only have one heart and one body. There are worse things in life and people who are in worse off situations than us. To think too much about matters that don't add up to much is a complete waste of time that can be better spent elsewhere. Instead, we should be grateful for what we have in life instead of what we cannot have.
I still think it's no excuse that we take certain things for granted such as our health and our finances but if there are days that we did not perform our best, it's okay because life is not perfect. We can do better the next day or next time.
Subsequently, now I don't really feel as big as I was in that photo when I took other photos later on. I still have bulges here and there, it's fine, it's more about how I feel. I felt happy so I don't get a picture of me with some love handles get me, haha. If people don't think I am attractive because I'm big sized or what, I don't care. It's subjective how one views someone as attractive or not. I can be big sized and yet people can still find me a joy to talk to or hang out with. It's a matter of them being more open minded and not just having a herd mentality that bigger sized people are just fat and lazy.
So this was the picture that made me upset a little.
Last week, these were the photos I took. I just came to the conclusion I have good photo taking days and some not so good days too, lol. Anyway, just want to vent this out since some time ago. I would be writing posts on my adventures from the pictures below too.
So people, let's not get too carried away by some picture or something. Most importantly, stay healthy and be grateful and be grounded in life.