Sky High Anger

Sigh...it's really impossible sometimes to live under the same roof as my mother who can be so paranoid over little things and her number one grouch is toilet hygiene. She didn't just check to see if it's clean for the next person's use..what she does is nag and nag and nag based on her freakin' assumption that it is not clean. Im not about to be an ultimate clean freak like her when it comes to toilet hygiene. When she's in there, she takes ages to come out and believe it or not, there will also be times that when she comes out, she will have this amnesiac reaction like whether did she really clean after herself or not. And that is her talking after a freaking half an hour of usage!


And then she will complain later that it is my fault for not paying the water bills where in fact I did. But if I were to pay all of the charges, I will have nothing left of the money to use for other purposes, for example, my own survival? I don't have a problem with electrical consumption in my house but water consumption. It's totally sky high and it's all thanks to her.


I can totally go bonkers with her assumption that I did not clean the toilet floor properly. I know this may sound a bit of too much information, but I do use the toilet bowl. And yet, she makes this horrible rule that the toilet floor must be thoroughly cleaned. But worse, like I said previously, she DOES NOT physically go and check and yet makes so much nose about the floor still being dirty. I really don't get her, you know. How can she stand herself nagging non stop and I don't know if it's because, she knows I cant stand her constant ramblings that eventually, whether or not I like it, I will grouchily follow up to it like go into the freaking toilet again and clean the floor again.


I tell ya..my friends can vouch for me that I am usually a calm person who hardly gets angry but with her, my temper flares like some active volcano and my voice goes sky high because I just cannot stand her constant ramblings. I know you will be saying, like come on mums nag all the time, but her nagging is of a totally different 'breed' I tell ya! I dare you to listen to her nagging, which is sometimes punctuated by unnecessary curse words and unnecessary name calling, that I sometimes wonder if her mum ever slapped her face for throwing such words around like nothing. For someone who wears the tudung or the muslim headcover, it is totally uncalled for. I have yet to wear the tudung and I dont throw such words around like some kind of natural vocabulary for me.


But at the end of the hysterical screaming fits that I got myself in if I didn't let my temper in check, I will realize it's really no point getting angry about it even though by right I should because it is blatant accusation on my part. What have I learnt from living under one roof with her all these years? It's really no point arguing with her, just do it and get it over and done with...again. If only to stop her yapping.



And then, I don't understand this relationship she has with her younger sister. She will tell me things that oh, her sister favours her husband's side of relatives compared to us and that she is often out with her brat of a daughter with at least one of the relatives. Before my brother was born, I was the only child for about 14 years and my parents were pretty strict with me so I did not have the chance to be a wayward child. But kids nowadays, they meant the world to their parents, so much so that their brat-ish actions seem so 'cute' for them. Like come on, get out of the world and see them from a different viewpoint if your child makes a commotion in an instant for not getting what she wants.


So we all, including my mum, has issues with her daughter and at just 6 years old, she demands an iphone from her mum. And yet, my mum who often complain about her sister and how she likes to talk 'big' sometimes and then after she goes out for some 'appointment' with someone, at times she will come back to my mum complaining she has no money. 


Recently, I mentioned before I lent her $100 to buy textbooks for her little brat for next year's school year. But I supposed she went on a shopping spree later because she had signed up for a new phone plan...again...and buying the accessories for her new phone. And also because her daughter's school had approved her financial assistance and therefore she was able to get the textbooks for free as well as the school uniform. Look, I dont care what she does with her money as long as she returns it back to me next January as promised.


But my biggest regret is telling my mum about it even though eventually she told my mum herself casually that she borrowed money from me. Then now my mum is like, oh you don't have to return the money back to her, she will be fine. And all because she gave a sob story that the $100 my mum asked me to transfer to her just a day before when I received my year end bonus, she could not use because she needed to pay me back next month. So she could not go out and any invitations she receive to go out, she had to turn down because she had no money.


Like what the f?!


I told my mum...but she just bought a stupid handphone!! And she went out for lunch and dinner with her relatives like some freaking tai tai! And now my mum thinks Im being particular about the loan as if I needed it badly. But you're the one who is often complaining that she goes out all the time whenever she has even a bit of a cash! Gawd! And then just now, I would have happily made my way to a Parkway Parade with my brother and eating at a food court but her sister overheard me through the phone when talking with my mum, and then she also want to tag along. She blatantly said before that going out with other people, she had to fork out money but if she goes out with my mum, she will be treated instead by my mum including the transport.


Me and my brother were practically saying no no no....to her when she asked if she can tag along but she was so insistent about it that eventually, we just had to go with her stupid plan to meet up with her sister. *sigh*


And Im still not happy about my mum's proposal to not pay me back the loan. Because my aunt also said that she thought she will be getting a windfall next month but her husband asked her to keep all the money that they will be receiving, about 4k from her daughter's baby bonus, into fixed deposit. That means, they cannot touch the money. Like what the hell? You need the money badly especially since your daughter just started schooling in a mainstream school and to pay off the outstanding bills and then now ALL the money goes into fixed deposit?!


Then you know what she told my mum? She asked me yesterday if she could return in January and I said okay implying that I want her to pay back. Oh so now it becomes my fault that she's scrimping on the $100 my mum gave to her just to pay me back. Again..what the hell? 

It's simple logic. If people owe you money, they pay you back! Look, I have been in a difficult position before where I had to resort to borrowing. I know that I eventually had to pay back because it was not my money and the person had helped me overcome my difficulty. The least I could do, besides being eternally grateful for the help, was to pay her back her hard earned money. If I had to cut down my budget a bit just so that I can pay her back, then I just have to do that. So far the people had been kind enough to lend it to me and then not reminding me about repaying the loan and as a friend, I don't take advantage of it. If I really have difficulty paying back in full, I will tell and it would be so kind of them to be so understanding. But eventually, it's all about trust and I really could not thank them enough for helping me.


Look, if my aunt is really not going to pay me back because of what my mum has said to her, then there's really nothing I can do. But it's largely my fault coz I told my mum about it, and being the 'kind soul' that she is despite her complaints against my aunt, it's something expected also.


Ah well...life goes on. Im not trying to be so calculative about the $100 but at the end of the day, the money is not really for my own selfish use but for the family. I know my mum sometimes like to say that she hates to see my face and wants me out of the house, I cannot just throw my family aside just like that. I just hope my mum is a bit more tolerant and not be so sensitive about every single thing. It really drives me nuts and Im really sorry if I ever shout at her because that is so not my character but sometimes, I just think she needs to chill a bit and not be so uptight about every thing.



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