Blasted by She Boss

Ah sucks sucks sucks...today really sucked at work. My boss was like totally blasting me for not doing the job that she gave me properly. She said if I was not sure I should be asking her. I think she kinda caught herself off guard for a bit that she did not ask me to process the financial assistance forms but before she anticipated me saying that she did not told me to do so, so instead she said that I should have asked her.

How would I know she gave me the authority to process. I only followed what I did last year which was to collect the forms given and checked that the they gave the supporting documents and that they were earning at or below the income ceiling. I merely collated the documents and didnt exactly do a thorough check and every time I asked her about the documents that they submitted, she kept saying that I should collate first and pass it to her as a whole later. And now she is saying I did not ask her. Chet.

And now it's become my fault that I didn't ask if I should process because I dont remember doing the processing last year. She kept going on and on about how I should know the difference between collating and processing. Anyway, whatever. Maybe she has already labelled me as being incapable of handling the task given because she said something about giving me a job to do and I should make sure I ask if Im not sure. The thing is, I did ask if Im not sure..I just dont get what else should I ask. And also, she was saying that I shouldnt think so narrow about doing something.

Sigh, like I said before, I am not so bitter about the whole episode just now. My colleague was telling me before also that when she first started doing invoice processing, she made a lot of mistakes and was scolded before and because payment was involved, you can imagine how furious she would be. So I take it as part and parcel of work life. Learn from my mistakes and not do it again. And oh, keep an open mind about it instead of just doing things in a generic manner.

But one thing for sure, I dont think I am able to talk to my boss in the casual manner that they all talk to her. I just cant see myself doing that. And it's not because Im bitter about the incident just now but really, I cant get along with her like that. I dont know if they are doing that because they want to get into her good books or they have been working with her for so long that they have this friendly camaraderie. I guess because for the past few years that I have been in the working line and under authoritative bosses where you just cant make friends with (or wont), I see them as being in the upper level and me down here and there is no mutual point that we can meet and be comfortable at each others level. Bosses are bosses and I have no intentions of making friends with them and to me that can be seen as a good thing because if things get sticky or ugly, it wont affect me that much because there is no emotional attachment involved like a close knit friendship.

So I totally dont care now if she talks casually with them and not with me and even though I know the basic reasoning for that is because they have worked together for a long time, I still wont want to attempt to be friends with her. Yes it did bother me the last time why my boss is treating me like Im different from the rest but now I really totally dont care. This may seem like shallow thinking but at the end of the day, I try my best to do the job given, improve on my past mistakes and hopefully get to keep my job and earn my keeps.