"Living Each Single Day"

Sometimes, I dont know what to comprehend out of this crisis that I am having in my life. I know that this is just God testing our willpower and I know that out of this crisis, things can get better even if we dont expect the outcome. I rest my father's fate in God but my only hope is that my father gets well soon and that he doesnt have to suffer like this anymore. It pains me so much seeing him going in and out of consciousness that every day seems like a battle of survival for him. It has been a very tiring ordeal for me too and the fact that my mum isnt the supportive kind, it does make things difficult for me as we both dont understand each other's dilemma. She doesnt understand why I keep getting upset over my father's condition because she said that all this while, my father has been suffering maybe not so much in sickness like now, but in terms of survival because we dont exactly live a cushy lifestyle. We have power cuts often last year when we struggled to pay our...

Update on my father: He is sick again and admitted to ICU. This being the second time, Im starting to lose confidence but I still have faith in God that he will help my father again like how he did the last time. I was afraid that this would happen and I did pray for his recovery and I am willing to do it again to save his life. But I just could not help but blame myself for stopping my prayers for his recovery when he was stable again at that time and also for not visiting him last Saturday. I could have just carried on with my train journey to Simei but i was too tired coz I was out since morning for two separate open houses. I just could not wonder what would happen if I had visited him instead even though I know this kind of thing is unpredictable. This morning, the doctor called again and said that he may need to be dialysed again because of the high level of toxins in his blood. But I could opt out of it and have him transferred out to normal ward where he would be given palliati...

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It has been a tiring one week affair (or more than that...) all in the hope of seeing how my father is doing in the ICU and getting updates by the doctors via phone. I was starting to lose hope when I didnt see any improvements..at least physically on the outside, that I wanted to prepare for the worst. It really hurts when you see a person who is ill but still conscious and able to talk and sit up straight, suddenly struggling, unable to talk to you, immobile and unconscious. When his condition was like that for almost a week, I could only hope and pray for a miracle.   Despite some good news along the way in terms of his internal health, there would always seem to have another problem cropping up. I didnt want to lose him and in God, I trust and pray constantly whenever I can even though it can be tiring begging and begging for Him desperately to help my father recover quickly and be once again responsive and conscious again. I didnt want to lose hope on my father and started t...

My computer has finally crashed but I think it is about time..it hasnt been performing well recently too even after rebooting the whole system where initially it worked fine. As much as I am sad it happened, Im a total wreck when it comes to my father who is not doing so well in the hospital. At first, he was doing quite okay but things took a bad turn last Friday which I later alerted to the doctor and nurse because he seemed to be slowly losing his consciousness. So they ran some tests and realised that the virus has become worse and he has low haemogoblin..or low blood count..because his kidneys are not doing so good which led to the build up of toxins in his blood. His heart rate is also weak and his lungs are filled with water because of fluid overload also due to the kidneys. At one point, he was struggling around as if wanting to wake up but could not because his body was very weak. Now he is lying in deep sleep, occasionally coughing and when I call him, he responded by opening...

Please dont go....please dont go, dad. I know I said God loves you but I love you more and I dont want you to go yet. Please wake up and respond to me. I know you are in deep sleep and I want to believe that you are just that....sleeping...and not losing your consciousness. And I also know that I have said that if fated, Im prepared to let you go but deep inside, I am not and Im a wreck now. I want you to be back in the former condition even if you are still ill on days before last Thursday incident where the nurse claimed to have found you on the floor. Call me stubborn for not believing what mum and my cousin has to say that you dont have much time. Please God, make him better and dont take him yet. Im begging you....Im not mentally strong yet. Please....

Just an update in regards to my fathers condition. I've been visiting him on alternate days since last week and though he did show signs of improvements since the first day he was admitted, the last two days as of last Friday, it became quite bad. He was still responsive but not as responsive as before and he got frustrated a bit because we kept asking him the same questions like how are you feeling...which part of you is not well...have you eaten..those sorta basic questions that I have been asking whenever I come to visit. But last Thursday I got a call in the morning from the nurse that they found him on the floor. I know his lower body is quite weak now so he must have accidentally fallen off the chair when he tried to support himself to bed. Then on Friday, I visited him and he was put on oxygen. I do not know if that caused him to be semi conscious like closing his eyes, and then opening, closing and then opening, as if he was trying to fall asleep but could not. He still cou...

Why oh why do I have a mum who is super irritating when it comes to toilet hygiene and always complaining how down in the dumps her life is who always couldnt help but to regret about not making the right decisions in the past including that of marrying my father. She is just not thankful that her life is still not as bad as others and whenever I tell that other people have it worse, I would rather talk to the wall because that is what she is to me anyway. Sometimes I also wonder if she ever hear herself talk and ever regret about it whenever she drops curse words to her own family. I believe she gets away with doing such things because if we argue against her, she will always turn back the table on us by pointing out our bad points..and oh, how miserable we make her life to be and more cursing will ensue and if shes really mad she can even get physical. Thats why I dont bother and just keep quiet because it's seriously no point...it can get out of hand like an unstoppable fire and...

So while dealing with family matters, including my brother who always has something to say or argue about whenever I ask him to study, I still have time to myself including catching up on American Idol. Honestly, Im not a fan but there would usually be one or two that would catch my attention and if every week, they get better and better. This year, it is Adam Lambert who is making even the most hardcore people who refuse to pay attention to American Idol, become a convert as evidenced by an article written by a columnist in the papers today. Then there are his supporters who became complacent last week making him in the bottom two. I hope they wake up this time and not cast their votes to other contestants with the mindset that he will not be going home because he has so many supporters. But if half of his fanbase decided to do that, it is going to sabotage his chances of entering the finals and getting a shot at winning American Idol. That guy, in my opinion, works harder than other ...

Sigh, my father got hospitalised again because he became so weak one day that when he fell in his room, he could not get up at all. My mum's constant nagging at him and constant urging to send him to hospital finally paid off when he had diarrhea on off for the entire week. She went berserk and screaming on the phone to ask me to go home so that I could call the ambulance. A day before that I already took half day urgent leave to send him to the poly and then now this. Because I could no longer stand her nagging to send him there, I finally had to give in to stop her. Furthermore, she did not want to listen to me because her sister kept urging her to do so as that was what she did when my late grandpa was having health problems. My mum often said that my father listened to no one but his sister but she is also the same. So there began my journey to and fro from hospital but because this time, he was sent to a hospital further from the previous one, try as I might to visit him, I co...