Feeling Like Sh*t

Photo by burak kostak from Pexels

At times, I feel that some things are better left unsaid and I told myself many times that especially at work, keep some comments to yourself. Because you will never know if that person you confide in will just blabber to the next person. And then it becomes like some kind of hullabaloo painting you as a baddie. But in actual fact, you're just trying to help. But of course, if one does something that is unkind, it's not likely that they will say they shouldn't have done so. He or she will just turn the table around and make themselves a victim. 

At first I was upset. I didn't expect that my colleague would actually quote what I said. Though I didn't regret those words, because I felt that it was unfair to me and my colleague, perhaps I should have word it better. And also, maybe I shouldn't have said out loud my intention because it may get misconstrued. 

You know the saying, you can't trust anyone? It rings true here. Even if that is a close colleague. As far as possible, you can have a good working relationship but keep comments about others to yourself. If you feel like you have been wronged or treated unfairly, bring up to your boss but don't have to like announce to everyone or the said person. Gossips are just nasty. Real nasty but I don't know why we have a penchant to veer towards it. Gossiping behind other people's back become the norm when you go for lunch with colleagues or friends and when you chat online. Gossips sort of become a filler to the dull conversations.

Anyway, my conscience is clear but at the same time, I had this guilt that my other colleague who was not involved, to be told about what I had said that she wasn't happy about. I didn't want to lose our friendship, I don't know why I felt desperate, I sent her several WhatsApp messages today telling her about what had happened and our side of story. I know I won't have time on Monday morning and I just wanted her to know but it is up to her to judge. Though she was kind enough to say that it was a small matter, nothing for me to worry about. I won't just lose her friendship because of this. But she would still hear what she has got to say.

At first I was upset that two people suddenly got a dislike against me as I wanted a good reputation at work. But you know, linking back to a drama I was recently obsessed with, he was willing to forgo his good reputation to protect his friend who had been wronged and was merely carrying out acts of justice though he didn't agree with his methods. They know that many people may be against them but they know that their conscience is clear. People's selfishness can lead to them pinning the blame to other people but themselves because they feel that they're all mighty or something. 

Whatevs.

Let us learn from our mistakes like be more careful what you want to say and with whom you say it too. Just adopt a neutral stand and not agree blindly to what the other person is saying if you don't hear the whole story. I just want to go to work happy and not be weighted down by petty problems like this.