Not Loving Myself & The People I Love..Enough

I know, what a shocking title right? The truth is..I have been feeling rather 'meh' and as much as I read about self-improvement whether about my side business or my life in general, and how I want to do this and that, everything seems to go on the slide down. This is what happens when you don't know WHY you are doing this or that. You don't have this hold in life where you know what you are supposed to do but you just don't have a firm enough grip.

I've read this a few times and I know that I just have to tell myself that if I love myself, I will do whatever it takes to bring happiness in my life by improving my life and making things better for my family. Because if they're happy, I'm happy too. I should count myself lucky that I'm not dirt poor or living in the slums. I should be grateful that we care for each other in the family and having a few well meaning friends who are supportive and colleagues who also care for my benefits. I don't think you can find colleagues who, once in awhile, wash the cup for you even though it can be filthy at times from the stains and wipe the table for you with your food crumbs left behind.

Basically, I'm ruining my own chance of making myself and other people happy. I let emotions get the better of me and I let laziness easily overcome me. I know my flu bout made me rather listless but it took me awhile to snap out of it. While I still somehow manage to squeeze in time for honouring the orders, it's only because I force myself or I'll risk my online shop reputation for not fulfilling the orders.

I also let my health take a slide too and even though I know what I am supposed to do, I didn't do it wholeheartedly. Yet, I ask myself why this is happening to me like why all this weight gain and that I don't deserve this because I've worked hard all this years trying not to go back to my past weight. But that may soon become a reality if I don't do something about it and stick to it instead of just making it a touch and go effect. Thankfully, I still manage to follow the Sunday routine of going to the gym even though there are times my mind fights quite hard in preventing me from going but I've trained myself in not letting such silly thoughts overcome me.

I also want to improve further my finance credibility because I know I will be in big trouble in future if I don't do something about it now as it may not just affect me, but my direct family members. It is a slow and painful journey getting out of my financial troubles but every month, I have been making progress.  I also want to create a healthy emergency family fund and while the financial road is not easy with increasing costs and a stagnant pay, I know that I have to be a little bit more conscious of my spending power and my efforts to save no matter how small the amount because I will reap the benefits from it. 

I don't want to complicate matters. I just want to make it easy for me by simply doing what I have to do to get what I want for a better life and future. Just like the beauty blogger, Michelle Phan, while she loves make up and making video tutorials, her journey isn't easy as well. First off, she wasn't born in a rich family and her mother struggles to bring her and her siblings up as a single mother. So she made use of her talent to turn things around for them.

I too wish to turn things around for my family but first, I must start loving myself first. By loving myself, I know what I'm supposed to do, work hard at it to make things better not just for myself but for my family too.

My simple motto in life should be if I love myself, I will work hard for me and my family. I won't let anything else stand in the way, not even my laziness.
 

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