Work Woes

Sigh, my apologies for not being able to update on a regular basis coz I dont know if I ever mentioned regarding my pc. It has officially died. It has served me well for more than seven years but that is like 70 years old in technology speak. I expected to last me at least ten years old although judging from my heavy usage of internet on it, 7 is still a good number.

Anyway, the only thing I am relying on to satisfy my internet craving is this laptop that is not doing me any justice either coz half of the screen cannot be seen so it's hard for me to see what I am typing. But hey, if God permits, I would be able to get either a new laptop or a new desktop before year ends.

Speaking of money, this month I did not get my bonus which sucks coz I dont know how long can my current pay last me and based on past experience, not much. For the last few months, I was able to sustain a bit coz my father's monthly retirement fund helped to ease the burden a bit but this month we didnt get coz all of his central provident fund money, including his retirement fund, had been rebursed to the public trustee for them to give to my family according to the Muslim laws. Now the first leg has been covered which was the processing on CPF side but not on the Muslim court side yet and Im crossing my fingers (and toes even) they dont take like a freaking month to do the processing. I am really nervous right now not because I want to know how much is my share...I just want to know that I have money to sustain the family expenditures for this month since my savings have run out.

Furthermore, I have a mum who doesnt care whether I have the money or not especially when she wants me to get things for her whether groceries or food. You know what...that's why I dislike blogging about my personal life right now. I am practically going round in circles with no end conclusion to my problem. How I wish I was like other people who can afford to shop and still have some disposable income left just enough to sustain them until their next pay.

Fine, I know I should have not played a lot during my schooling days. I am lucky to even pass the national exams if my brain didnt kick in at the last minute to jolly well study for the exams after being lazy for the longest time. I just dont have the study genes in me which is pretty unfortunate because if I at least make the effort to spend a longer time studying instead of doing it at the last minute, I would have got better grades and maybe a better paying job. So anyway it's pointless harping on the past. I know grades isnt everything but I am not exactly someone who has the right life skills who can troubleshoot problems and come up with the right solutions for work related problems.

I feel like I am just breezing through my job without a clear understanding of what I am doing because they have given me so far simple tasks that they can do but it's too menial for them like filing, labelling, photocopying and scanning. I know I should count myself lucky to be in that position but psychologically, it sorta gives me the impression that I am totally unreliable for them to handover the heavier stuffs. I also know I have screwed up a couple of times but I am learning what and it doesnt help that my other colleague would rather spend longer hours in the office and even come back on Saturdays to complete her work coz she refuses to let me help her as she is scared.

At my old workplace, because we have to work in teams of 2 or 3, there is a need to be quickly independent so they try to teach the ropes quickly so that we are able to do it on our own later. Here, I feel like I am being handheld throughout and even though it has been more than a year, it's like I just stepped into the office for the first few days. If they are so scared to let me handle the bigger tasks because they are more experienced than me in terms of the number of years they have been in this school, then might as well not hire me when their previous colleague retired.

Anyway, I guess I have to wait and see until the end of the year to see if there are any improvements in terms of my job scope. If they think that I am not capable enough, like for example chasing teachers for collections, then it's really pointless for me to stay there because I feel like Im not contributing at all and that I am just taking up space..or their free things.

Please dont get me wrong. It's one thing to have a job and another thing to feel like you truly belong to the job that you are in. Of course I will be sad to leave because I am in such caring environment. Look even the temp girl has more things on hand to do and she even has a part to play in the P1 registration the past two days. I was trying to help just now by helping to photocopy and then I dunno what and why and how, somehow she re-photostated again and then said nevermind she can handle it from there.

So what was my contribution? To fax two single pieces of paper for the final statistics count to submit to MOE. Oh, and pasting up some posters. Come on, it's a bloody no brainer job! They would rather put up with the temp girl who makes mistakes often because whenever my boss or my colleague gives instructions, she's half listening coz she is busy playing her online games. Then if I screwed up once this year because of an oversight, it's like they dont trust me anymore. What do you call this?

How can I not be upset...you tell me?! I feel like I am being paid for nothing. I dont want to be so overwhelmed by my job but neither do I want to be treated like a spare part at work. It's pretty embarassing whenever my friends ask me what I do at work and I cant tell them much details because there aren't a lot in the first place.

Fine, I'll stop whining for now but Im really serious in finding another job at the end of the year because currently I am not getting a job satisfaction out of this. My other option is to wait another year...coz it's only after three years then you can ask for transfer to another school. Dammit..why not two?!

Anyway it feels better after my ranting coz I am rather upset I didnt get to help out the P1 registration. Im just a spectator watching them running up and down to get things done...sigh..