Happy November - Coming to an End & Desire to Change

Cat and mouse game

Happy November! We are down to the last two months. Seriously this year is such a roller coaster ride and whether we like it or not, all of us are affected by Covid-19 virus one way or another. But going beyond this pandemic, there are also many other things that happen, in our personal or professional life, that make us ponder and think hard about how we have been living our lives all this time. Like at some point, we all wanna change. It's a wake up call for most of us too. 

For me, I've such a wreck when it comes to spiritual living like I know very little knowledge. And also in trying to be productive each day like I struggle big times. But for many of us, at some point in life, we all wanna change for the better. We find ourselves in situations that we never thought we would be in and perhaps, after some self reflection, there is some goodness to it if we chose to see it in a more positive light. It can be wanting to be more physically fit, to be more kind and compassion, healthier or save more for emergency or even start saving.

Seriously, our time here is limited and I suppose we all may have this nagging voice in our heart that is trying to coax us to be better but we may get pulled away by the distractions in life or us telling ourselves that we can start from this date or at this age. But just like time, life does not wait for anybody. Tomorrow is not guaranteed, irregardless at what age we are. Now it's not about dying only when we grow older into our senior years. 

I recently signed up a class entitled Born Again Believer and the speaker was saying how those who wanted to change for the better were often prompted to do so due to some big event in life that changed everything or they have reached a point where they don't wish to feel lost anymore. There are also others that just decided out of a spur moment to start embracing a newer and better life. 

So everyone has their reason but honestly, for me, I think it's just me getting older and not wanting to still trying to find my way in the dark. Sometimes I still have those feelings like what do I wanna do now, especially when I am feeling overwhelmed and I have barely scratched the surface of my to do list. Then I start feeling lost like I'm wasting precious time.

Then of course, external factors can hamper our journey to be a better person and one of it could be people not being supportive because they may feel as though they need to catch up with you and may try to slow you down by downplaying your efforts. But you know what. This is YOUR journey. You don't let them dictate how you should be leading your life. 

But each day, instead of experiencing a mixed feeling that we're not doing enough, it 's better that we pace ourselves. So yes sometimes my to do list is pretty long but I try not to chase every single task on it like my life depends on it. As long as I am striving my best each day and pushing myself to do things instead of just thinking about it only and in the end, get very little to none being done.

Besides being overwhelmed or thinking negatively of ourselves, if we feel that we're not quite on par with others in terms of knowledge or daily practices, it can be rather off-putting as well. Several times I feel a little out of touch when I go through IG stories of people reposting on others who had some sort of spiritual awakening through their online live sessions. They showed snippets of what they had learnt usually through note taking. I used to think that they were just showing off...lol, but now I just take it positively that others can learn from them too whether or not they intended it.

Overall, it's actually up to us how we absorb such knowledge. I used to feel quite stupid when I listened in to others in some talks or online lessons  and then the host would say things like oh I know this one...or we all know this..and then I don't, lol. Then it feel a little sad coz I was supposed to know too but I didn't. But you know what. It's ok. We all start from somewhere and from this little knowledge that we just found out, we can build up  on that. 

Start small and progress from there. Can't do push ups? We can do modified knee push ups. For the life of me, I can't do sit ups and push ups. We are still moving our body and most times, it's not about speed but having full concentration on doing each movement well to maximise the physical benefit of it. It's still a form of progress too. Can't save $200 per month? We can start saving $100 and then try our best not to touch the accumulated savings and see it grow instead. 

Earlier on, I watched a vlog on Youtube of a lady who is on a journey to lose 200 pounds and she dished out quite a number of good advices. How the phrase 'should have' is such  negative perception. For example, we say things like 'I should have eaten less just now'..'I should have exercised today'...'I should have saved up more in the past so that I don't have to struggle now'. 

We're not perfect and not every decision we make is a good decision. We make mistakes like we may mess up but we don't have to always guilt trip ourselves by dwelling on our past mistakes or bad decisions. for that Youtuber, she got a lot of negative comments for putting on a lot of weight and how it might have affected her relationship with her husband. 

The truth was, it did not. Stress and other factors such as constantly having to move due to her husbands' army deployment and being away for long periods made her turn to eating as a form of comfort. And she used to be a fitness buff so it affected her a lot. But when you watch her, she is just so sweet and positive. While she struggled through doing some exercised due to her size, she was still excited about doing them as each time she dedicates time to working out and eating right, she comes closer to her goal.

She can choose to continue to binge eat and not do anything because well, it's difficult to lose weight and if she ever loses weight like she did many times in the past, she can still gain weight again. But no. This time she is doing the weight loss for good.

So it's up to us to make better decisions in life and not to dwell on our past mistakes. So we haven't been in our best state of mind or health, so start now. 2020 is coming to an end soon before we even know it. 

Instead, we should focus on the now by being more attentive and more careful in our decision making by making better plans for our future. Even if the outcome is not something that we expected, or brings about slower results, it's ok. We couldn't exercise today because we were overwhelmed by work and so can't spare the time? We can do it the next day. We don't have to give it up completely because we think we are not disciplined enough so what's the point of continuing to reach our goals. 

Let us make each day purposeful and end our day with satisfaction that we have done our best. If we faltered or performed less than we intended, it's ok. We can try again the next day for as long as we are given the chance to live. In life there are ups and downs. We just brace ourselves for the ride for as long as we are able to do.