Self Worth

In my previous post, I was writing about me grappling about loneliness and to be completely honest, it didn't quite go away and sorta got amplified instead when I started watching this Taiwanese drama. I was curious about how these two characters, who ran into each other through some weird situation where one was being chased by the baddies. But the second episode showed that they could be related where they  have the same father and that he was the long lost sibling.

I highly doubt that I would run into some random handsome Korean Oppa who knocked into me in the midst of being chased, lol. Anyway, the actors playing them, including the token Korean guy, were all good looking and it's probably a click bait for greedy viewers like me. But you know what, that is the world of fantasy, where we imagine it to be perfect at least in our minds and these dramas act out our fantasy of being swept by a good looking hunky kind of guy. No? It's just me? Ok moving on.

One writer I had been following said that most of us have this idealistic type of guy that we want to date and marry, usually when we were in our younger days when our imagination was more vivid. But as age increases, and our experience widens, we just need the companionship of someone who makes us a better person that who we are and vice versa. So she she was sharing that she had this idea of a guy she wanted to marry someone with a good fashion sense and had a cool taste in music but ended up marrying someone with a questionable taste in music and who only dressed in black. They got along well, though not initially, because he was asking her many questions relating to her life's purpose that it stunned her as nobody ever asked her that. But it got her thinking that there is more to life than just getting paper qualifications and to get married by a certain age. He encouraged her to have a sense of purpose in life and not just to live. From then on, he has been an ardent supporter of her as she leads a life of purpose.

But what if we have not found such a person? Do our lives stop here as we whine about how others are so lucky to get married, have a family with a supportive husband and beautiful children. At the same time, have a life like running a successful business or to have a successful career. Like why can't we be like that. 

I don't think our lives are less significant if we don't have this or that. If we always compare our lives to them, there is no way we can look at ourselves and see how we can be better than we were yesterday to be happy, humble and kind. All we have in ourselves is jealousy, maybe even hatred and self loathing because we may feel that it is our fault that we don't have this or that. I do have bouts of loneliness, as though nobody really cares for me or they see me as invisible. 

But every day, I show up in life and do my best. Not to think too much on things that weigh me down emotionally.

So one lesson I learnt recently is how not to tag our self worth to anything. Not to our clothes, our jobs, our physical appearance, material goods but rather, it should be tagged to our values within us and to know that we are more important than all of these. Then of course, there are things that we hope for but have yet to make its appearance, like say..a significant other, a child, a degree and so on..but it do not make us less worthy. Good things take time in our lives but we should just continue to live and continue to be hopeful that what we wish or pray for, will come to us as we had always wanted. Even a Korean Oppa, haha.