I Want to be Grateful But Sometimes, it's Hard

Nowadays I try to tell myself that I should be grateful for things like having some money before the next pay day instead of being completely broke, because believe me, I have been through days like those in the past, most recently towards end of last year. I also want to be grateful as well that even though I'm still struggling with weight issues, I don't want it to take precedent of my life like it's over if I don't get a certain weight. I want to be grateful that at least now, I have better choice of clothings compared to my younger days where getting a skirt means buying from Marks & Spencer or Robinsons which were then very expensive for someone who didn't earn that much. 

Now, I can wear skirts from H&M too and choose nice tops although until now, shopping for clothes is not my area of interest. I'd rather shop for pretty patterned papers so I can make pretty cards and sell them to make a bit of income, hehe.  But my mum seems to take over this shopping enthusiastically though :s

I still want to save more for rainy days without having to dip into them every now and then. I also want to reach my ideal weight. It's more and more seems very daunting and the haze thing isn't really helping because I can't walk and you know, eating lesser but with lesser exercise, doesn't come up to much. For the next two weeks, I am  planning on walking as I see the haze kinda clearing a bit and I also see people jogging as well. Also, school is starting soon and I am going to need the energy and not want to look as though I put on weight when I see my classmates.

I do am trying my best to accept my body as it is right now because it is not its fault for becoming in this state and I want to make even more effort for the last three months to lose some weight. I know it still won't be my ideal weight but at least there's progress. I also don't want to fret over it too much as there are more pressing issues than just worrying about that extra flab on my tummy. Health is of course important and as long as I am following a healthy lifestyle, and putting in extra effort, I am positive that the weight will just drop off before I know it.

But until now, I want to continue to be more confident and more accepting of my body and do what is right for it and not abuse it any longer. The progress may be slow but we'll get there. Love yourself first because you are worth it. I am grateful that I can fit in clothes better than previously and slowly, but surely, that annoying tummy flab will be gone. If it doesn't completely go away, life goes on. I also want to be grateful that I am continuously making as much effort as I can, stashing money away so that I don't come to a point I'm only left with $30 to $50 and face sleepless nights thinking how am I going to feed the family the next day. 

Yes, as mentioned, I have gone through dark days for being obese and completely broke. I am keeping my promise intact that I will continue to do what it takes to stay healthy (like drinking green tea for a less bloated tummy, eurgh..) and cutting down on buying things unnecessarily when I could use whatever I have first. I do feel a tinge of jealousy when some people get more orders than me until they have to stop orders while I'm like self promoting almost daily. But, I still get orders, though not as much as them, and for this, I am grateful. 

There are many motivational speakers or even inspiring people that have gone through tough times and grateful that they are still here, being given the chance to live again, even though they have lost up to three limbs. They have gone on living life to the fullest. While initially they were in shock and disbelief but over time, they have accepted the situation because to them, this is not the final deal. Life still offers them many opportunities that even able-bodied people struggle to do or refuse to do. 

We have our struggles and I know other people too, have their struggles. It's not up to us to judge them thinking oh, they could have done this or done that. But really, we're not in their shoes so we don't know how it's like and our situation can be so different from them. Instead, we should focus on being more kind and compassionate instead of always thinking about how we can never be as slim or pretty like other girls or as rich as some other people who can go on holidays on a whim.

Be grateful and aim to always do our best in whatever we're doing and to make each day better than the  previous :) It's hard but we can do it.



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