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Turn up the Crank

I am back at work now since yesterday. I have stopped crying days ago but I still think of my dad all the time no matter what I am doing. I just cant believe that he is gone and will no longer be around. My mum still talks about him and instead of talking bad about him, she tells stories of the good things that my father had said or done. At times, she would be rather emotional and it gets me too because it also tells me that deep deep deep down inside, she does love him despite her heavy criticism of him.

However, my mum's crankiness has been a concern for me and my brother. She hasnt been feeling well since last week ever since her flu and fainting spells that makes her rather weak. Plus she refused to go to the doctor and still carried the guilt that she was the one who persuaded my father to go to the hospital to receive treatment when he got weak and unable to get up.

My mum is used to doing things her way and because she cant do much work without feeling faint again, her helplessness makes her very cranky that she can scold and nag her way like there's no end to it. It is very frustrating for me because here I am in grief and there she is making so much noise with her frequent bursts of outrage while I have been trying to be very patient with her just like how my father had been.

Sigh...let's just hope things will get better soon. Or rather, SHE will get better soon.







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