Slow & Rough Start

Hi Im back! Actually I want to start writing regularly but the year didn't start off well for me. Sometimes I find that I am falling down the rabbit hole but I am slowly trying to find my way out of it. I had a small bout with a nasty cough. Ok actually, it was pretty bad because I lost my voice at one time, lol. I could barely speak and if I could, it would come out super hoarse. 

I realise that I haven't taken much action in my life, like as though all those 'goals and aspirations' just flew out of the window barely two weeks into January. When I had to move on to the next checkpoint to learn more new Spanish words and sentences, there was a test to be done that would not tell you the score, whether you are right or wrong, but it would determine if you get to move on to the next stage. It was hard. I could barely answer the first few questions and I wanted to give up. It was like I knew those words and phrases but I just couldn't make them out. Because I hadn't been practising. Yes the app kinda remind you multiple times every day to practise but I felt that I was just going through the motions. Not really like writing them down, learning them and then practising on my whiteboard. So I re-do the checkpoint quiz, this time doing it carefully, and I passed the checkpoint. Yay! That kinda served as an eye opener and setting a timeline of up to June 30th to be more fluent. By right, I should be at least be able to make legit Spanish sentences, lol..but I had been slacking.

And my next concern was journaling. I should be excited journaling interesting aspects of my life like I did go to some interesting exhibitions and open houses, so even if some days are slow, I would have written some good things down. Also, things I've learnt and reflected upon. But I never quite follow through, and I'm just, at this point of time, trying to catch up with the writing during work. 

But one thing I have not neglected so far, fingers crossed, is my fitness. I like gym too especially the weight machines and the cross trainer though I always feel time is very slow when I'm on it especially the stair climber, lol. Actually I always look forward to fitness classes because they're fun though they can be tiring af especially Strong by Zumba. My gosh, how can the people in the IG feed do them AND still smile throughout. Anyway, it's not about the inches and numbers on the scales. It's how you feel at the end of the day, knowing that you are doing it for the sake of health, both physical and mental. Yes, you can lose the inches and it can be thrilling to see the numbers go down. But it's not the only source of happiness. Like you see the number go up, and it can spoil the whole day. And then you start on this 'oh I should eat lesser or exercise more the next day' just to get back that happiness again.

Ok, this deserves another post. 

Anyway, I try to make better food choices too. But I feel that I am still lacking in this because I think too hard such as the price and the variety. Like for real. We always complain healthy food is expensive which I used to think so, actually I still do, but if we don't try to complicate matters and not be overly fussy, there are cheaper alternatives. It's just sometimes it's not really in your face type of good food, like a meal of brown rice with two veggies and one protein source like egg or tempe (fermented beans) can be quite cheap, depending on the stall. Or yong tau foo, which is a soupy dish, a tuna or egg sandwich and fruits. Or a chicken kebab. Of course, a simple and small bowl of garden salad, not those 'atas' or expensive salad where we can add up to 6 items and then pay $10 for it, lol. 

Like recently, I bought mee hoon soto, which is a Malay type of noodle soup, and then after eating, my colleague was like complaining she was still hungry. Honestly, I thought it wasn't too filling but actually, I didn't feel the need to eat anymore, only at that point of time. But my colleague wanted something else so I had to buy a bowl of peanut balls with beancurd to curb her hunger. 

To me, what got through those times where I really wanted to eat that hotdog bread after work because it was only $1.20 and I'm dead hungry after work, was thinking about what do I want to consume for my body. If I were to follow my silly cravings all the time, sure I can appease the craving but my body would have to suffer for it later which can translate to medical conditions I don't wish to get in future.

I'm still learning and this is where I think that if I am treating this seriously, then I should embrace it as my choice of wanting to lead a healthier lifestyle, for my sake and not for others.

For my finances, I am also trying my best but I feel that it is getting more challenging because my mum has been a little bit more demanding as in she demands I buy more food. If I buy like just nice for the fam, she would start complaining and start her lecture on me buying lesser because of wanting to save money. I don't understand how many people, including her, still have this old mentality of spending every money that they have now and not thinking far ahead. At times, I sit at some bench at the shopping mall I often patronise after work or exercise, and contemplating on this hard. Like how do I counter her increasing demands and my decreasing savings.

Of course it's upsetting but after some careful thoughts, I realise that fine, if I can't change her, I would work harder instead. I would manage my time better so that I can fulfil more orders through my online shop so that I can get some extra income. I would also learn to manage my finances and be more mindful on spending and thinking really hard if that item is worth buying at this moment or it can wait. 

This life journey is still on going as long as I'm still living and breathing. It's not an easy journey but if we think about how there are others who hustle their way through life in order to provide themselves and their families a better life. They wear many hats and though it can be impossible to be equally fair to all the responsibilities without some give and take, I believe that if the intention is good, the journey will be made smoother for us.

So if we are ever in any bad circumstances in just the beginning of the year, continue to have faith that we can do even better tomorrow. Let the past be in the past, we work towards improving ourselves and not making the same mistakes again and hopefully, 2020 will look to be a better year for us IF we give ourselves the chance to make things happen.