Monday, January 08, 2018

End of First Week of the Year, Hurtful Comments & Having A Family

So we have officially gone into the first week of the new year, yay! I hope it's been alright for you. I didn't do much on New Year's Day itself but I did earn $40 from a customer which of course, I was so happy about because it was my first earnings. It sorta kickstarted my humble online business on the right foot. Also, even though initially I didn't get any orders yet for the year but slowly it trickled in and then I am going to be busy again, in a good way. 

While we are rejoicing in what the year has in store for us, unfortunately, not all have a pleasant kickstart into the new year. A family of four passed away this early week from a horrific accident which occurred in Malaysia when a truck hit their car when it was stationary when the truck driver lost control of its vehicle coming down the slope. The couple left behind two other older children and I can't imagine the anguish they have to go through losing their family members. May God bless their souls and give the remaining children the strength to carry on living despite the tragedy that had just happened.

For the rest of us, let us start living positively and create actions that will benefit us so long as we are still healthy and able bodied. Life is unpredictable and nobody knows what the future hold for us. Sometimes I do worry what if something bad happens to me or my family which makes life harder to go on. I have strong admiration for people, despite life's setbacks, they still carry on life with so much hope that one day, things will get better. They carry so much hope within themselves even they have been dealt with blows that take immense inner strength to carry on living on a daily basis. They learnt to adjust their lives accordingly and mask their pain so well because they don't want to be beaten at this game of life. 

Recently, I got a little upset over the comments made by my colleague which she called as advice and how she chided me for being quiet. It's my nature that if I'm in a group conversation and then I couldn't relate to what they are talking, I tend to just listen and give very few remarks out of courtesy. But I couldn't intercept every now and then because firstly, that is just rude and secondly, I'm an introvert who mostly prefer to listen than talk. 

Of course my colleague had a different idea and while I am usually open to suggestions or advice, I got a little upset later on because I felt that it was unfair for her to compare me with her manager who kept herself quiet throughout the meeting. I mean that's a little judge-y right, like how would you know how I behaved during a meeting. 

While I think that yes, I should have talked a little more, which I would do so in the future, I also find it unfair that you want me to just change overnight after giving me that one piece of advice the day before about opening up more. I also think that she was being biased because she didn't chide her own children for telling her off and also daughter in law who barely talked to her with the hope that one day, they would change. She herself said she kept it to herself and crying in bed because she was upset over their treatment of hers. And here she was chiding me openly. At one point, when she was giving me 'advice', I was thinking..'but you're not my mum'.

I know that my mum isn't at work and doesn't know how I behave when I work so she wouldn't know any better as well. My colleague also remarked why I talked in a different tone, like I was being so lively when talking to another colleague who was about the same age as me. Is it because she's old that I talk to her like that, in a less exciting manner. Then she was like you know, I can be fun as well.

Obviously, since you're way older than me and mostly talk serious stuffs such as family matters, I could not converse back in the same lively manner. I know other people may be able to but personally, I just have this automatic way of talking differently to people. Even for my manager, there is no way I can talk to her nonchalantly like a friend although my other colleague could except when she was given instructions to do something. I see her as a level of authority and I just can't see beyond this.

Now I've come to the conclusion to not take it to heart what she had said. Take away the learning points that will benefit me but other than that, if I don't agree, then that's about it. I mean ultimately it's my life and as long as I don't do things that offend her or people in generally, I think I've got it down good. 

In other positive news, my friend invited me to his son's birthday party and I brought along another friend with her family. Since her children loved birthday parties, she thought that it would be a good idea for them to come. Seeing her family and that of my other friend, do make me things that having a family, despite the heavier responsibilities, can bring joy to one's life especially when the children are still of the age where they love to have fun and get excited easily.

Being in their family's car, I can see how close knit the family is. And then I do understand why people want to get married and have their own family because of the joy and happiness it can bring. Of course this is generally speaking because there's always two sides of a coin.

Yet I still think, even when I'm approaching my late thirties, having my own family is not something I want. Of course we can't predict whether it will turn out better than we expect it to be once we get past the fear of the unknown. It's also like how couples say they don't want children and then when they decide to have them, they feel that it's the best thing that happened to them after their marriage.

You just don't know what will be in store for you. 

Again, this is only what I think. Of course I can't list down the personal details here as to why I don't wish to have my own family or even get married in the first place. But I just wish people will be a little more respectful and not pushy because this is my life and I chose how I want to live it.

Okay, enough ramblings and thank you if you get through until this line. Just some sharing on my thoughts for this first week of the new year :)

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