Starting All Over..A Silent Prayer for Myself

I have to start all over. I had a small stash of money from my online shop sales and sadly, I had to use it up. In fact, I had to use my mum's money too to pay for my debt because I got so scared. I don't like this feeling of being out of control with my life. I really don't. Nowadays, every single day, I pray to God for strength. I pray to God to give me the strength so that I will be more motivated. It's hard when you think you've got it all under control and then when a new thing come into your life, it tends to shake it a bit and then you find yourself struggling to get things back to normal.

So I started my studies about a month ago and yes, I will write a full post on it very soon. I have been running my online shop during my free time after work by making products, updating my facebook page or writing the blog posts. However, I have been struggling. Suddenly, I find myself having lesser and lesser money. Suddenly, I struggle to keep myself awake whenever I get home at 11.30pm plus after school. Luckily, I have been receiving orders which help to pay some of the things although I pretty much wanted to save the money instead. However, I believe I have to start all over, which is disappointing to me, but at this point of time, there isn't much choice.

But I'm taking it in my stride. I find that I shouldn't let myself feel so lost and whatever it is, I try my best. I try to find a good time to honour the orders and also to study for the test. I have to get used to a new set of timing now and while I could not stay up as late as I did the previous time pre-studies days, I find that waking up earlier is the solution. How early? That is something I had to experiment with. I think 5.30am is a good time where I would spend an hour working on the order, bathe and then continue before I go for work. This arrangement came about because my mum wanted me to get up and bathe earlier than my brother on some days where has lessons at at earlier timing. So instead of waking up in time to bathe, I decided to wake up much earlier and do something useful.

To me, it's no point if you pray to God but you expect miracles to happen. Somehow, you have to put in the efforts as well. God will guide you along provided you do your part as well. That's what I choose to believe. 

As for the lack of money, I will stand firm on not wanting to be poor again. I guess after my pay day, I will have to make some brutal adjustments to my expenses. I know I shouldn't be too hard on myself because life's too short but if it's going to help in some ways, this will be the best arrangement. I will also work harder for my online shop so that I can earn more income. Perhaps I should take this opportunity to make some more money like making use of the upcoming Christmas, a popular public holidays celebration, even among non Christians, as it is the time when people will normally do gift exchanges with other people. I want to be one of their choices for their ideal shop to buy the things for gift exchanges.

I'm also aiming to lose more weight which has been a struggle for me in recent years like they fluctuate like crazy, even recently. This week, I told myself if I want to be successful, I must make the effort. So I know I like the fried goodies from the canteen at my work but I will entitle myself to just once a week. I will stick to my regular wholemeal bread for lunch and munch on biscuits when I'm hungry or drink more plain water. I will not buy unnecessary snacks, which pretty much is okay to me  because I've got school three times a week which eliminate the need to buy such snacks. However, I will get hungry after school so I buy a pack of nuts and I will eat them at the bus stop while waiting for the bus. I have also told myself to buy lunch only once a week at my school instead of three times like in the earlier weeks.

This self control works though. Since I started this early this week, I managed to lose 1 kilogram and finally the number went down..haha. I hope it won't creep up again though. I figured if I can keep up with this 1kg thing every week, meaning to say I lose this much, or the very least 0.5kg, I think I can weigh lesser by end of this year which I'm gunning for by the way.

So yes, I don't want to be too hard on myself. I will not tell myself to do soooo many things and then get upset if I can't get half done. I have to be realistic by doing what I know I can achieve in the short period of time like on days when I have school. I just have to make up the lost time on the non-school days and over the weekend. Like the past two weekends, I have been hard at work. I sat down and just do as much as I could. So far, this arrangement has worked. On Sunday night, I will spend time revising my work too including Tuesday where I have no school. Friday will be a relaxed day for me. I won't do any shop related or school related thing. It's basically TGIF for me :)

I do hope things will get better for me and while I have to restart my savings plan again, it's okay because it's not too late. God will guide me and I trust in Him that he has a better plan for me.

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