Waiting

I know that I made a self imposed 'no blogging rule which will depict my rest from writing like as if I write regularly and looked forward to my much awaited break. But then, after reading articles written by other people, I realise that I dont always have to write about things that upset me in my life especially in recent times when it's not going that well for me. I mean life is much more than that. I do take in the fact that things happen for a reason and that you dont always find yourself in difficult positions all the time.

As I had finalized the application procedures for my father's estate, now it's only a matter of time of waiting for the money to be deposited into my mum's and my own bank accounts. Sometimes I dont understand why, in the age of internet and progressive technology meant to help us to do things at a more efficient and faster rate, the human procedures behind these administrative work still take a damn long time. It's like how I found out, to my horror, how quickly the HDB staff had gone for lunch at the nearby food court even though it's barely after 12pm forming snaking queues at the popular stalls. I guess they need to replenish their energy fuel quickly after facing irate customers in the morning? While my email to the Hougang branch days ago had still not met with a reply yet, I do wonder if it's because of the so called job stability of working in government agencies that give them the incentive to work less and making people like me who are anxious every day about the outcome of their applications wait longer.

Im not trying to put down these people because hey, Im also working to fill my rice bowl. I also know that it's not possible to finish everything in one day if one is faced with a mountain of paperwork. But do have some form of consideration for your customers or clients even though they may not be right there physically waiting for you to do the work unlike at a customer service counter. Based on past experiences, they will take a longer time to do your case files if you dont bother giving them a call to check on the updates. Basically your call will act as a wake up call to them that hey, you have been waiting for your case file to be completed rather than letting it collect dust because they think we dont bother so they take their own sweet time doing it even going beyond the stipulated one month of processing. When twice my applications on separate occasions went on until 2 months of unheard news, the usually calm and patient person that I am will start to get anxious as to whether they are doing anything about it or not.

Seriously, my life since late last year until right now is nothing short of waiting for outcomes, possibly good news. Although in my father's case, the news had been a declining loss of hope the longer he stayed in hospital, the rest of the news that I had been waiting and hoping for, had made me physically and emotionally tired. My whole family is affected and it takes a toll on my mother who, in nature, is always worrying over mindless things. Then when she gets worried for too long and waiting for news that things will get better for us in terms of improving our dire financial state, she starts to talk nonsense and become demanding like a five year old kid. I dont know if age is catching up with her now that she is 51.

I know that money does not solve all problems and may instead cause uninvited troubles (and I can foresee some coming our way already) but because of all the troubles we had to go through and my father's long battle of his illness that finally made him succumb to it, it will be a sure thing that we will be careful about our expenditures. i've always told my brother that you have to learn to spend your money wisely when you get your share of inheritance because this is our father's hard earned money which he finally didnt get to fully use. Fortunately, our earlier application to his retirement savings that we finally received monthly (after five months of waiting!) had at least made him feel that he could provide us with some form of income for himself and for our family.

His death had hit me the hardest and it is the biggest loss in my life and until now, I cannot accept the fact that he's gone. It hurts me a lot knowing what my aunt intends to do with the money that my mum will give her from the inheritance and how her sister in law also wanted a stake in it even though she had nothing to do with our family. I guess maybe it is in God's will that my brother's share which is about 58% of it will not be given out. Instead, he will get a small proportion of it quarterly as maintenance fees for his living expenses. Knowing my mum, she will probably still give but she has since cut down the amount.

Things may change once the money comes in but what does not change is the fact that my father will want nothing more than to see our family have food to eat like what he would do even though he was sick and could not walk for too long. I hope to continue with his tradition of providing for my family and if you know me well enough, you know that I put my family's needs before me first.