Being Lonely

Two months ago, I was listening in to the mini course about loneliness. It's not that I purposely choose that topic but it was the topic of the month. The objective of the course is to listen, understand and learn how to be closer to God. So the invited speaker would be given the topic and discuss about it in 5 mini courses that were about 10 minutes long each. I lasted like perhaps the first 3 courses? I know the next two is probably just going to tie in with how you can cope with loneliness by talking to God and so on..so I pretty much know the deal.  It got a little dry too so I moved on, lol.

But he is right in some ways that people can get lonely in various ways. And if they become lonely through divorce or death of a loved one or any other personal reasons, it can be difficult to cope though over time they can slowly get back into routine because no matter what happens, life goes on. It also takes a lot of mental strength to tell yourself that you have to move on and live a life that is meaningful, rather than being dragged down by things or events that you can't have control over. 

In the earlier mini lesson by another speaker, she experienced loneliness when she got married and had to move to another country, following her husband. So she was in a country where she did not speak the language, had no friends, away from family and the environment was just so different from Singapore where the land was mostly barren. I liked her solutions on not only did she feel she become closer to God through talking to Him to overcome the loneliness, she was also more pro active because she didn't want to always feel lonely. She learnt their language, participated in activities to get to know more people and together with her husband, started videos on Facebook and talked about various topics to reach out to people.

But some situations are just different and in fact, can lead you to another and totally different path. I watched this Japanese movie recently about a newly divorced man who tried to overcome the shock of the sudden divorce through drinking. As he roamed about the streets at night, and keeling over feeling intoxicated, a stranger helped him and brought him to a club where he met an eclectic group of people.

He didn't last long though because he soon fainted coz he drank too much. But over time, he started to interact more with the people from the club and understand that each one of them carried an emotional baggage. Here, they can be who they were without any judgment but once they were out of the club, they struggled to cope with loneliness from running away from the family and losing the daughter who had run away due to some disagreement over her choice of a loved one.

As for the divorcee, he already felt lonely before marriage and thought that once he got married, he would no longer be lonely. However, it didn't change him and it affected his marriage unknowingly so the wife had reached a point where she couldn't cope and decided to drop the bomb on him when he came home one evening with the divorce papers.

When he met a new person and fell in love, again he wasn't in it a 100% and even had feelings of distrust to a point he got jealous and then made accusations which led him to be lonely again when his lover left him. So he kinda self sabotage himself because he was afraid and lacked courage but through an interaction with one of the kids he coached in swimming, he realised that he should face up to reality and be courageous because it was only through courage that he could slowly learn to overcome the obstacles and deal with people's ignorance so that he can be happy with the one he loves. It's not going to be an easy journey but with love and support, he felt that they could do this together and that was how they reconciled and improved their individual lives knowing that no matter what happens, they still have each other.

When we are too selfish with our feelings, we don't give the opportunity to others to get to know us. Though I am an introvert, and sometimes feel slightly out of place when other people are happily chatting away, it makes me happy when they make an effort to talk to me or when I tried to join in a little though my interaction wouldn't be as lively as them, haha. I feel happier when they don't treat me differently just because I don't talk as much as them like sometimes you just need to accept that not everyone can talk very well. But when they are a bit more open, and I feel comfortable talking to them, it makes it less lonely being in the group.

I guess we have to learn to not give in too much to loneliness because we can't truly live if we always think about how lonely we feel. If we can talk to someone, write out and show up in life to accept new opportunities to learn and to interact, who knows while learning new skills and knowledge, we can get to know more people and find our soulmate. Life will take on a new and refreshed route that hopefully can make us happier in the long run.