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Silent Cry

My right eye was acting funny last Saturday while I was sitting down watching a Hindi movie at an ex colleague's house. It just started....tearing on the left side of my right eye. It just kept on dripping and dripping and it was getting embarassing coz I was using the host's tissue supply quite a lot. And I wasnt even watching a sad part in the Hindi movie...and some of their movies are known to be tearjerkers. Sigh, anyway there I was sitting uncomfortably and feeling out of place. It wasnt as grand as last year when many people came. There were like very few of us only and I was not talking to one of them not coz I didnt like her or what. But I never really talked to her back then at work either.

The conversations were pretty boring and they were talking about the downside of their work. This job has never been perfect but it got pretty bad after the new company took over and it was doing a sloppy job at it also. But seriously, they kept talking about the same thing over and over again like a broken record. The past years had been about bad supervisors and now this. Dont get me wrong. It's not that I dont sympathise with them but did the whole evening conversation have to be about that? Oh, and the one that I said I did not talk to? I have no bad feelings towards her but she was talking about how her current job sucked because she didnt have anything to do except play games for 24 hours straight. She regretted leaving her previous job and wants to join them back again.

And she was also complaining about..in her own words in Malay...'the fat one'....who happened to be my ex supervisor and who last year asked her out. I mean, seriously, it was last year's story but she was telling us that well, she was grossed out by the fact that he asked her out. She asked him if he was aware of her status and that she is currently taking care of her daughter whom she is very close to. He said that he knew that and he didnt mind. He also said he didnt mind converting to her religion but the only thing he mind was that he did not want to..er...circumcise.

Okay I know Im going to sound bitchy when I said that but the way she was telling the story about his attraction to her and the way she was grinning (though she acted repulsive at the thought of that), she kinda gave me the vibe that she secretly liked the idea of my ex supervisor asking her out for a date. And if you are so grossed out over him, why the heck you agreed to go out with him in the first place and even kept in touch with him where he even messaged her that evening which led to the whole conversation about him later.

Even my other ex colleague was teasing about it and saying 'you like him right?!!' See, people aint stupid. Deny all you want but face expressions can tell a thousand words.

Whatever.

Oh, back to my eye. It was tearing quite badly and seriously, even people who were possibly crying around the same time my eye was tearing would have stopped shedding tears as well. Okay it did stop for awhile but when I was at the bus stop, same thing happened again and it was embarassing because there were people looking at me like I was silently crying or something. One woman even tried to take a closer look at me as she was passing by me. And when I got home, my brother was irritated at looking at my eye tearing which by then I had stopped to bother to wipe it already. I thought it would stop once I took my contact lens out and wore a pair of old nerdy specs but narh, it wouldnt stop either.

And I retreated to bed early that night after watching 'Whose line is it Anyway?' coz I developed a bad headache after that. So much for silent cry. I was wailing from the bad headache.

Sigh. At this point of time, I just CANNOT wait to make a pair of specs already. I dont care if it's gonna make me look like a geek all over again because at least it doesnt give problems to my eye. And for that, I CANNOT wait for my bonus pay in December coz I will finally get a pair of damn specs. Im not gonna go those so called better optical shops coz seriously, when it breaks, it breaks. It's not like spectacles are durable or something. I also promise to NOT lay them as and where I pleased. Spectacles belong in their box when not in use.

Rahayu has learnt a very painful lesson.

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