I'm feeling so low right now. I don't know why but I have been feeling this way for the last few days. I am not smart and it doesn't take a genius, yes pun intended for me, to know that I probably can't talk my way out of difficult situations. But at times, life throws you a wrench where you feel like you just have to do something and that you have no choice about it but to just make some important decision. Reading people's facebook newsfeed, it came to my realization that I'm just not good enough a person. I don't mind not being pretty, but not smart enough? It's a survival skill to have some kind of knowledge so that you know how to move on in life. I sometimes feel like I am here by sheer coincidence like God has some extra material to play with and then I just happened to materialize or something.
Honestly, I don't feel like there is anything worthy of me. Maybe it's my upbringing where my parents were just too careful with me because for a good number of years, I was the only child. I was very sickly when I was young and I guess that's why they sheltered me because they didn't want to lose me. However because we were tight financially, both my parents were working with one working in the day and the other at night. I was left to fend for myself most of the time coz my mum was practically sleeping most of the time in the day. But at the same time, I wasn't given enough room to move about and did not really socialize much.
Up to this day, I admit that I don't have a wide social network. I believe I am capable of achieving that but I feel so fake whenever I have to talk to people as most of my growing up life, I spent it as a loner. Then again, due to the need to survive in the harsh working life, I found myself having to learn to fend for myself so that I don't sink deep into depression due to my inability to handle things thrown at me.
But if there is one or two consolations about me, is that I'm a very sincere person and that I am not quick to judge on people. I also do not lose my cool so easily and as much as I can, I try to be a good friend whether for their special occasions or their times of need. I guess that's why I often get invitations because somehow they know I will turn up, haha. I am the last person you can think of to diss others so easily. I would rather heap praises on others instead of picking on them especially if I know they are a good person and that they are not given enough credit for it.
Coz life is already short. In my opinion, it can be so easy to pass quick judgment on others and then in the end, it can be just a case of misunderstanding. I still admit that I'm not smart though I know that I am capable of achieving more, if only I put my head in it wholeheartedly. To me, some people can be so smart, their expectations get too high that other people who are not of the same wavelength as them, they are so quick to dismiss them. It's as if saying, oh I'm just too smart for you and that you're a complete waste of time for me.
It's just so negative. Everybody is rushing around, trying to score brownie points, that they would rather be fake than to be themselves so that they can get what they want. Honestly, that's not me. I may take time to get to where I want to be but I know I will never betray someone else and use them as my stepping stone to achieve what I want. It's just not me.
While I admit I'm not smart and pretty, you can say I'm one of the last few good people of whom other people trust on for loyalty and friendship. My loyalty to my friends and family are unshakeable. I can assure them that many years down the road, I will still be there for them and not be selfish. I will not forsake them so easily for the sake of gaining my own personal achievements.
Basically, I'm me.
follow me at http://twitter.com/rahayupopz
Honestly, I don't feel like there is anything worthy of me. Maybe it's my upbringing where my parents were just too careful with me because for a good number of years, I was the only child. I was very sickly when I was young and I guess that's why they sheltered me because they didn't want to lose me. However because we were tight financially, both my parents were working with one working in the day and the other at night. I was left to fend for myself most of the time coz my mum was practically sleeping most of the time in the day. But at the same time, I wasn't given enough room to move about and did not really socialize much.
Up to this day, I admit that I don't have a wide social network. I believe I am capable of achieving that but I feel so fake whenever I have to talk to people as most of my growing up life, I spent it as a loner. Then again, due to the need to survive in the harsh working life, I found myself having to learn to fend for myself so that I don't sink deep into depression due to my inability to handle things thrown at me.
But if there is one or two consolations about me, is that I'm a very sincere person and that I am not quick to judge on people. I also do not lose my cool so easily and as much as I can, I try to be a good friend whether for their special occasions or their times of need. I guess that's why I often get invitations because somehow they know I will turn up, haha. I am the last person you can think of to diss others so easily. I would rather heap praises on others instead of picking on them especially if I know they are a good person and that they are not given enough credit for it.
Coz life is already short. In my opinion, it can be so easy to pass quick judgment on others and then in the end, it can be just a case of misunderstanding. I still admit that I'm not smart though I know that I am capable of achieving more, if only I put my head in it wholeheartedly. To me, some people can be so smart, their expectations get too high that other people who are not of the same wavelength as them, they are so quick to dismiss them. It's as if saying, oh I'm just too smart for you and that you're a complete waste of time for me.
It's just so negative. Everybody is rushing around, trying to score brownie points, that they would rather be fake than to be themselves so that they can get what they want. Honestly, that's not me. I may take time to get to where I want to be but I know I will never betray someone else and use them as my stepping stone to achieve what I want. It's just not me.
While I admit I'm not smart and pretty, you can say I'm one of the last few good people of whom other people trust on for loyalty and friendship. My loyalty to my friends and family are unshakeable. I can assure them that many years down the road, I will still be there for them and not be selfish. I will not forsake them so easily for the sake of gaining my own personal achievements.
Basically, I'm me.
follow me at http://twitter.com/rahayupopz
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