I felt sad writing the last entry coz she was the aunty who was always there for the family but whose last days were spent thinking that her own relatives could not help her in times of her needs. It was not that we could not help...actually, we did offer her help in ways that we can by giving some money when we visit but we could not go beyond that like giving her few hundred dollars to help pay for this or that coz we ourselves were struggling. But what made my mum and my younger aunt angrier was that her children were simply idling their time away and even spend money on their significant others but either didnt give her money at all or merely gave her 40 to 50 bucks.
Still she wont scold her children and that made my younger aunt known for her temper always flaring up and scolding my aunt years older than her for pampering her children too much. My mum played it cool and wont resort to scolding but for such a calm person, she at times could not help but tell her children off in a gentler manner asking them to think about their mum's ailing health. But her children were too stubborn and came up with so many excuses as to why they were not working or simply would not listen at all. I tell you....going to their house during Hari Raya and if my younger aunt was around, it was like going to a war zone of fierce arguments.
That was as much as I could tell you about my late aunt and hopefully God will take pity on her and be nice to her in her after-life.
Well, these past two three days I had been compiling some photos and even developing some random photos coz I thought that I kept the photos in my computer for quite some time and should have it developed. Many I have already developed but not yet for the recent events. Good thing I am not big on taking photos of others...except myself...so there were just few random shots of this or that event at work from all the years I was working here at this health stat board. There were more photos of my previous zone members before we were all disbanded and me plus another of our member were placed in another cluster and we got separated after that. Still we managed to catch up back in office so in a way, okay it was not so bad and we were talking and joking like good old times.
Even though I was transferred to do field work in completely different work zones in Singapore, the thrill is there coz I got to travel to different places. Plus I also got the priviledge to work in the north zone known for their friendliness and their good co-operation which made me realise why the people who used to previously work in this zone always got tops when it comes to awards. Basically because of the environment of the schools they were posted to. They were so 'auto' it was like when you go there, they know what you want and all things were ready for you to use. They would even offer you drinks or food and even if it was not an every day thing if we were there for few days, at the very least they would give on the first day.
However, the places I have been posted too are rather mixed where there are those where the children come from single parent families or families that are on financial assistance and those who are simply too..er..priviledged like along the Holland Road a.k.a the rich people's area where you have to be careful when you walk on the bloody narrow pathways until u are forced to walk along the roadside. They drive like that is their father's road or something...and horn you even though you stuck to walking on the road but right at the edge near the freaking narrow pathways. Like my team mate joked saying that they dont care if they knock you down...coz they can afford to pay you your hospitalisation bills and still can afford to repair back their damaged car.
Anyway, as I was going through the pictures myself too and err..sniggering to my ownself as to what the heck I used to wear, I realised that eh..it was as if going through my weight diary. The pictures were taken right up till the last event in early March so basically, as I aged, it's like backtracking. I look less than a mum now..haha..
Okay besides myself, the rest..hrm...strangely, they dont change much. Maybe in terms of dressing but other than that, gawd they are still as slim as ever or as..er..skinny as ever! Can I have their metabolism rate so I dont have to work so hard?!!
You know what? I was quietly having this personal achievement celebration thing in my head (yup...I throw parties up there). This April will mark my second anniversary ever since I took that first step to lose that initial 6kg and then later gave myself three years to lose 30kg. I never thought I would even achieve that 6 kg coz it was hell to lose one kilo and slowly 0.3...0.5..0.8...it's like..dammit! Why cant they just drop by 1kgs? But I guess perseverance paid off even though the first 6 months I barely achieved much and it could kill any motivational spirit in anyone.
So I take a longer time than someone who is aggressively determined because I dont believe in working so hard at first to lose weight faster and slack off. It's just something I sought to achieve personally and onlie one friend of mine knew about this.
But I guess it was getting obvious I suppose...even though I didn't say anything coz I was actually...uhm...embarassed. YES..embarassed that I was acknowledging the fact that yes, I was grossly overweight and I was doing something to rectify it. The attention was so overwhelming that I suffered depression. Can you believe that? It was almost like the major depression I experienced back in pre u. See, Rahayu is not cut out to be a celebrity.
I didn't talk about this coz I didnt want people to call me an ungrateful person and there were times when I could not open my mouth to say thank U coz I grew tired of it that yup, I WAS called ungrateful still after that. I understand her frustration that here I am, she said losing weight while she was struggling and I could at least be thankful to her for saying that. And I was also being given a barrage of questions that the attention was too overwhelming for me to handle. I felt 'claustraphobic'. The sceptics didn't help either with their 'i believe she has additional help' attitude.
Now more or less...i can handle any ocassional attention but within these two years, I am glad I have not faltered or failed. There were times when I slack but yet again, this dunno-where-it-comes-from strong determination pushed me. I'll give myself a toast for proving myself wrong that I cannot get things right...cheers.
Still she wont scold her children and that made my younger aunt known for her temper always flaring up and scolding my aunt years older than her for pampering her children too much. My mum played it cool and wont resort to scolding but for such a calm person, she at times could not help but tell her children off in a gentler manner asking them to think about their mum's ailing health. But her children were too stubborn and came up with so many excuses as to why they were not working or simply would not listen at all. I tell you....going to their house during Hari Raya and if my younger aunt was around, it was like going to a war zone of fierce arguments.
That was as much as I could tell you about my late aunt and hopefully God will take pity on her and be nice to her in her after-life.
Well, these past two three days I had been compiling some photos and even developing some random photos coz I thought that I kept the photos in my computer for quite some time and should have it developed. Many I have already developed but not yet for the recent events. Good thing I am not big on taking photos of others...except myself...so there were just few random shots of this or that event at work from all the years I was working here at this health stat board. There were more photos of my previous zone members before we were all disbanded and me plus another of our member were placed in another cluster and we got separated after that. Still we managed to catch up back in office so in a way, okay it was not so bad and we were talking and joking like good old times.
Even though I was transferred to do field work in completely different work zones in Singapore, the thrill is there coz I got to travel to different places. Plus I also got the priviledge to work in the north zone known for their friendliness and their good co-operation which made me realise why the people who used to previously work in this zone always got tops when it comes to awards. Basically because of the environment of the schools they were posted to. They were so 'auto' it was like when you go there, they know what you want and all things were ready for you to use. They would even offer you drinks or food and even if it was not an every day thing if we were there for few days, at the very least they would give on the first day.
However, the places I have been posted too are rather mixed where there are those where the children come from single parent families or families that are on financial assistance and those who are simply too..er..priviledged like along the Holland Road a.k.a the rich people's area where you have to be careful when you walk on the bloody narrow pathways until u are forced to walk along the roadside. They drive like that is their father's road or something...and horn you even though you stuck to walking on the road but right at the edge near the freaking narrow pathways. Like my team mate joked saying that they dont care if they knock you down...coz they can afford to pay you your hospitalisation bills and still can afford to repair back their damaged car.
Anyway, as I was going through the pictures myself too and err..sniggering to my ownself as to what the heck I used to wear, I realised that eh..it was as if going through my weight diary. The pictures were taken right up till the last event in early March so basically, as I aged, it's like backtracking. I look less than a mum now..haha..
Okay besides myself, the rest..hrm...strangely, they dont change much. Maybe in terms of dressing but other than that, gawd they are still as slim as ever or as..er..skinny as ever! Can I have their metabolism rate so I dont have to work so hard?!!
You know what? I was quietly having this personal achievement celebration thing in my head (yup...I throw parties up there). This April will mark my second anniversary ever since I took that first step to lose that initial 6kg and then later gave myself three years to lose 30kg. I never thought I would even achieve that 6 kg coz it was hell to lose one kilo and slowly 0.3...0.5..0.8...it's like..dammit! Why cant they just drop by 1kgs? But I guess perseverance paid off even though the first 6 months I barely achieved much and it could kill any motivational spirit in anyone.
So I take a longer time than someone who is aggressively determined because I dont believe in working so hard at first to lose weight faster and slack off. It's just something I sought to achieve personally and onlie one friend of mine knew about this.
But I guess it was getting obvious I suppose...even though I didn't say anything coz I was actually...uhm...embarassed. YES..embarassed that I was acknowledging the fact that yes, I was grossly overweight and I was doing something to rectify it. The attention was so overwhelming that I suffered depression. Can you believe that? It was almost like the major depression I experienced back in pre u. See, Rahayu is not cut out to be a celebrity.
I didn't talk about this coz I didnt want people to call me an ungrateful person and there were times when I could not open my mouth to say thank U coz I grew tired of it that yup, I WAS called ungrateful still after that. I understand her frustration that here I am, she said losing weight while she was struggling and I could at least be thankful to her for saying that. And I was also being given a barrage of questions that the attention was too overwhelming for me to handle. I felt 'claustraphobic'. The sceptics didn't help either with their 'i believe she has additional help' attitude.
Now more or less...i can handle any ocassional attention but within these two years, I am glad I have not faltered or failed. There were times when I slack but yet again, this dunno-where-it-comes-from strong determination pushed me. I'll give myself a toast for proving myself wrong that I cannot get things right...cheers.
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