If you don't follow my blog, you will know that I have been single for the longest time ever. Infact, I have been single my whole life! But of course minus my childhood years and my teenage years though you may argue that hey, teens do have BGR or boy girl relationships. My BGR then was limited to crushing on boys and uhm..that was about it.
Well, Im not that lucky to change boyfriends coz I hardly stir any interest in people I guess. If I do, I will run far far away. But I've taken a more relaxed approach like there is no harm in making friends but still if the person's original intention is only to end their singlehood hopefully with me, then I get very scared. It takes the fun out of making friends but that's just me. To me, love shouldn't be forced upon. You should let love takes its place naturally.
Why am I talking about this suddenly? Actually I don't have a problem with being boyfriend-less because of my heavy financial commitments towards my family and how I struggle to get by each day. And dating is not an easy business. You need time and commitment which I don't think I am able to give as of yet as my mum is very dependent on me though in the day when I am at work, she can also depend on my brother to buy groceries for her from the nearby supermarket.
Furthermore, money is very precious to me and I don't earn much so I need to ration my money so as to cope with the daily expenses. Then when I go out on a date, I don't always expect the guy to pay right? Plus I need to look good which means that I need to spend money on new clothes and make up so that I will look good. I know that is just superficial coz eventually guys will like me for who I am which is another problem coz seriously I still see myself as someone who is very boring and doesn't quite have a vision far far ahead into the future as to what I want to achieve for myself.
But then things may happen whether or not I like it which mean the possibility of falling in love though yes I still have problems grasping that idea..haha.
Honestly I don't like people meddling in my affairs but Im just too nice to not say out right especially if they just have good intentions and meant no harm. Last Saturday my ex colleague called about wanting to meet up for a 'discussion' which at first I thought could be about money or some insurance schemes but I know her well enough that this will be such a taboo topic and she will be upfront about it if let's say it is about money. I told my mum about it and she guessed that it could be she wants to introduce me to a guy and I was like..pfft..can't be.
But then today I got an unexpected call from another ex colleague who later said her intentions of wanting to introduce me to a guy. Immediately I clammed up like er...totally speechless. But I later thought uhm, I did tell myself that I will be open to the idea of making friends *gulp* And I have another single friend whom I can pass the baton too in case Im not interested and she is interested instead..hehe. Still I was hesitant to give my number and just said that I would give my email address so that he can add me on facebook. But if he tried to send me an email to that address, I can't read it coz it has been hijacked. By the way I just asked her what is he working as and she only said that he is working for LTA.
I suppose she sensed my hesitation and insisted that I could say no if I wanted to and this is totally of no obligations. I don't question her intention although like I said, it's just a sensitive issue to me especially if I have, at this point of time, no particular interest in finding someone as a life partner. Not to think that far yet, but even entertaining the idea of having a boyfriend.
So far I haven't receive any friend request yet. I don't know if she will give him my email address as the only form of contact for now. I don't know if she will act upon it due to my very hesitant voice but just have to wait and see.
You know how mind can run such wild imaginations. After the conversation, I was like envisioning myself going out with the guy, just trying to please them and also acting all cool about this idea but inside my heart, I just want to die..haha.
While I appreciate their gesture, I hope it stops up to here. I don't want to disappoint anybody and I don't want to give people a false hope that I am willing to give it a go and see if it will turn into a relationship and they will all dance for joy coz Rahayu is no longer single.
Im just not ready yet :)
follow me at http://twitter.com/rahayupopz
Well, Im not that lucky to change boyfriends coz I hardly stir any interest in people I guess. If I do, I will run far far away. But I've taken a more relaxed approach like there is no harm in making friends but still if the person's original intention is only to end their singlehood hopefully with me, then I get very scared. It takes the fun out of making friends but that's just me. To me, love shouldn't be forced upon. You should let love takes its place naturally.
Why am I talking about this suddenly? Actually I don't have a problem with being boyfriend-less because of my heavy financial commitments towards my family and how I struggle to get by each day. And dating is not an easy business. You need time and commitment which I don't think I am able to give as of yet as my mum is very dependent on me though in the day when I am at work, she can also depend on my brother to buy groceries for her from the nearby supermarket.
Furthermore, money is very precious to me and I don't earn much so I need to ration my money so as to cope with the daily expenses. Then when I go out on a date, I don't always expect the guy to pay right? Plus I need to look good which means that I need to spend money on new clothes and make up so that I will look good. I know that is just superficial coz eventually guys will like me for who I am which is another problem coz seriously I still see myself as someone who is very boring and doesn't quite have a vision far far ahead into the future as to what I want to achieve for myself.
But then things may happen whether or not I like it which mean the possibility of falling in love though yes I still have problems grasping that idea..haha.
Honestly I don't like people meddling in my affairs but Im just too nice to not say out right especially if they just have good intentions and meant no harm. Last Saturday my ex colleague called about wanting to meet up for a 'discussion' which at first I thought could be about money or some insurance schemes but I know her well enough that this will be such a taboo topic and she will be upfront about it if let's say it is about money. I told my mum about it and she guessed that it could be she wants to introduce me to a guy and I was like..pfft..can't be.
But then today I got an unexpected call from another ex colleague who later said her intentions of wanting to introduce me to a guy. Immediately I clammed up like er...totally speechless. But I later thought uhm, I did tell myself that I will be open to the idea of making friends *gulp* And I have another single friend whom I can pass the baton too in case Im not interested and she is interested instead..hehe. Still I was hesitant to give my number and just said that I would give my email address so that he can add me on facebook. But if he tried to send me an email to that address, I can't read it coz it has been hijacked. By the way I just asked her what is he working as and she only said that he is working for LTA.
I suppose she sensed my hesitation and insisted that I could say no if I wanted to and this is totally of no obligations. I don't question her intention although like I said, it's just a sensitive issue to me especially if I have, at this point of time, no particular interest in finding someone as a life partner. Not to think that far yet, but even entertaining the idea of having a boyfriend.
So far I haven't receive any friend request yet. I don't know if she will give him my email address as the only form of contact for now. I don't know if she will act upon it due to my very hesitant voice but just have to wait and see.
You know how mind can run such wild imaginations. After the conversation, I was like envisioning myself going out with the guy, just trying to please them and also acting all cool about this idea but inside my heart, I just want to die..haha.
While I appreciate their gesture, I hope it stops up to here. I don't want to disappoint anybody and I don't want to give people a false hope that I am willing to give it a go and see if it will turn into a relationship and they will all dance for joy coz Rahayu is no longer single.
Im just not ready yet :)
follow me at http://twitter.com/rahayupopz
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