Actually, I had never seen myself as anything special like sometimes, I thought..pfft.....what do people see in me. However, I kept being proven wrong again and again whenever I see people talk to me with faces of delight or concern like they are really interested in sharing with me their life stories or their ranting.
For example, my colleagues treat me well like not just a mere colleague even though at first I used to call my other colleague moody coz of the cold reception she gave me for several months. I understand that I often give out an unfriendly vibe coz Im a shy person by nature and then sometimes, I dunno how and why that over time, those people who bother to actually get to know me better, they dont perceive me as someone who is aloof anymore and that I get along with pretty much anyone irregardless of race, gender or age.
Plus it doesnt help that I am pathetically a wussy like Im just someone who cannot find herself offending others so easily. I know that word itself seems pretty offensive and even I thought so too but hey, there's always two sides of a coin.
Sometimes, this 'wussy' attitude in me...like bothering to listen to people rant and rave...sharing their funny stories....their personal problems....at times where I would rather just be left alone in my own cramped world and not always have to fake a smile or pretend to listen...somehow doesnt always put me in a tight spot. It kinda makes the bond between me and whoever become stronger because Im willing to listen to them while others would dismiss them off easily. Also, it forces me out of that world of mine as I learn more about other people because the world doesnt revolve around me only and also shed the misconception others may have about them.
Plus, they do show their appreciation back. You know how Rahayu L.O.V.E.S free stuffs and free food and even though I dont ask for it, nowadays it's pretty automatic for them to pass me their share of food although i would at first politely refuse. If it's not about that, they will help me to pack the leftover to bring home for my family or inform me if there was any leftover food after a meeting so I would come over and bring home some.
As much I appreciate their gestures, I do feel bad at times. For example, last week there was a seminar and the operations manager and the I.T. (aka tech) guy had to stay back. Coz my working hours is until 6pm, I would leave later than the rest. But my ops manager told me to take his share over the phone when I called him to ask who should I distribute the food packets to like which of his workers to give to. So he was like you give them to this this this..and then you take my share. I said no I cant have it coz Im not staying late but he was like....nevermind lah, I can go out and get dinner but you take my share.
And then before I was about to go home, the tech guy came back and he said eh, who put two packets of chicken rice on his table? I said it was the teacher in charge and he asked...'do you want my share?' Im like..oh no..not again..so again I turned him down and said that he need to eat for his dinner since he was staying late.
I dunno whats up with these people or whats up with me..somehow Im not a convincing person when I told them..you...need...to...eat. So I ended up with three (!) packets of chicken rice...and for someone who is not a fan of chicken rice, that was a hell-lot of chicken rice! But I managed to at least eat half a packet coz I was starving and also coz it was not nice to at least eat a bit if people give you..especially when they obviously deserved it more.
But the next day, the tech guy was like...'Did you eat the chicken rice yesterday? Or did you eat both packets?!' I told him er..I didnt eat...coz I dont really like chicken rice. And he asked..'huh?! why?!!' I said I only eat plain rice (which is true lah..coz nothing beats plain ol' rice eaten with eggs, beancurds or veggies). I told him that I gave my mum and she kept the balance for the next day coz can heat it up and then he said, but at least eat the chicken as it may turn bad if kept too long. Wah, thanks for your concern :) especially after the last food poisoning outbreak. No I didnt mean it as a sarcastic remark especially towards someone with a sarcastic sense of humour.
Speaking of which, I dont get him. I know I recently painted a bad picture of him when I spoke about him to my other two friends but I dont blame them la coz his brand of humour is not for everyone and since they dont see him or interact with him before, I understand if they dont like him..at all...haha. Like yesterday he said I looked like a super mario brother with my pinafore dress and he did a jumping motion like in the game. But I retorted back..'but i like that game!' although I was at a loss for words when he asked why the buttons on my dress were so big. Anyway my colleague said ignore him..so the loss for words were totally justified..heh.
Backtracking, so I dont really see the 'wussy' thing as a bad thing..at least not all the time. Of course I still have to learn to say 'no' or think about myself first at times but Im not a wussy coz Im easily a pushover. I felt that Im just trying to be there as a concerned friend, colleague, daughter or sister and I am sure there are some other people out there who do more things than me like easily rushing out to comfort a crying bestie in the middle of the night when they would rather catch up on their sleep. There are also times when I felt like I had to drag myself out from the sit infront of the pc just so that I could keep my friend company. Even though the 'dragging' process may take awhile to adjust, but when I see my friend all cheered up or perky about having to meet me and spend time with me, it makes it worthwhile.
Besides, I can always continue to surf the net later..but to maintain good relationship with people, it is hard work but there's always the added bonus of being enriched later and money cant buy the lasting good impression you have on people and in turn, they will repay you back your kindness and make your life more worthwhile.
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