One of the things that I sometimes fail to do is reminding myself to say my daily gratitude but I try my best to pray for my family's safety, health and well being as much as I can. They are after all, one of the pillars supporting me, despite the many disagreements we have. I believe the bond we share over the years, even surpasses the friendships that I have. This is exclusive to me, as last week, on my birthday, when I used to think that going out with friends seemed more enjoyable than having to celebrate it with my family, this perception soon overturned.
This year was the first time I disabled the birthday reminder on Facebook so I didn't get any birthday wishes on the social platform. But I didn't realise that it was also the thing that kept my close friends in the loop about when my birthday is. So I didn't get any greetings from them. If you say that I am not disappointed, no matter how hard I try not to think about it as I know they are all busy, you're right. I was but I soon accept the fact that at this age, people have their own personal matters to take care of, and more urgent ones, that it was legit of them to forget.
So that puts me into perspective. Who and what matters in my life. And the meaning of friendship. I hesitated on putting my annual picture of me with my birthday cake on instagram, haha, due to this but I didn't want to take away the tradition over this petty reason. It's not as though my birthday is completely forgotten. I am still touched by my colleagues' gestures in sending me individual messages to wish me. I really appreciate it of course, because it was unexpected.
Perhaps this is my chance to re-evaluate my life and focus on things that matter, rather than on small petty matters. And also, for me to know who to be closer to and who to slowly move away from especially when I feel that our friendship is not going anywhere like they could not bother to even ask you what's going on in your life. It's all about, let ME tell you what I am up to. A wake up call for me that I am not getting any younger. To be able to live for another year is a gift from God, and an even more special one if I am still in the best of health, my life is still relatively good and there are people who do care about you. Not about whether people wish you happy birthday or not.
Last week too, my brother got in an accident and he was super lucky to have escaped with just bruises and minor scratches. He got knocked down by a car at a zebra crossing as he tried to make a dash for it. He was shaken of course but his primary concern was his handphone, whose screen stopped working, and I had to remind him that his life matters most. He reflected upon it, regretting his actions too for dashing across and yet, still can't get over the handphone damage so the next day, we went to get it repaired.
Things like this, when they happen, tend to jolt you out of your 'dreamy life' into the harsh realities of life that we can be taken away at any time. I was shocked of course but my mum didn't know. I've always told him to be careful on the road, whether or not he's driving, as he tends to argue saying that he has the right of ways. But there are so many errant drivers on the road these days, people with lesser patience, that naturally I fear for his safety. I try my best to pray for their safety, and I am very thankful God protected him in that instance coz many other things could have happened as this is after all, an accident, where his life is at stake.
Speaking of birthdays, this is my last year of being in my thirties. I may not be considered young already the next time people say, 'oh but you're still young...you can go far'...coz I sometimes get that especially from the older aged colleagues. My other focus is to purify my heart on a daily basis.
But if we are more aware and in touch with our soul, to reach a pure state, we must learn to be more mindful of our words and actions, and while it is easier said than done, I believe it's doable. Like I have every right to ignore or say nasty words expressing my displeasures such as to my close friends who forgot about my birthday, or to that errant driver for knocking down my brother. But to forgive and move on is also a means for me to find closures on these two things that have been bothering me mentally. Let us be granted ease in our souls so that we can carry on being the best that we can be each day.
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