Sorrie I went on a hiatus coz I have been talking about you know...my dad. How he was so sick and I was so upset. Even though I dont cry as much as I did before, but there is never a passing day or even moment that I dont think of him. I dont go as far as back as the days when he was still not as sick as he was in the hospital but I kept recalling his last days. It was pure torture seeing him in that condition. I took pics of him in that condition as well as when he was better and then got ill again..and so forth..not so much coz I was delusional but because I wanted to remember him and also to show my mum who sometimes did not visit him.
However, now I could not even look at them coz it will be too depressing. I just cant help thinking how is he doing in his after life. I guess I watched too many of that ghost whisperer episodes and I hope he is not a wandering spirit and that he is in good company of his late parents.
For now, how am I doing? Frankly speaking, Im pretty lost in my directions in life. I just...do not what to do. Im supposed to clean my room, I didnt. Instead, I find my 'escape' in the world of online games because it keeps my mind occupied. But its not doing anything for me. Im supposed to pick up the pieces that I have left before my father got sick. Right now, I just do not know where to start.
Has this ever happened to you? You just dont know what to do in your life after you come out of depression or in my case, an emotional period? Life suddenly has lost its meaning.
But dont worrie...I will slowly learn to get a hold of myself and hopefully, in my next entry, I can write stories of little achievements. I think getting this blog going with this entry will be considered as a good first step :)
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